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The Art of Recognizing and Celebrating Family Achievements
The Art of Recognizing and Celebrating Family Achievements
By Tembo Nani
14th December 2024
Good evening Family. Compliments of the season. Hope we’re good.
Let us pray…
Father, we thank You for today and always. Ever consistent Father, Papa wey sabi. The Odogwu of Heaven, the unelected Chairman of earth, the number 1 of the universe wey no get number 2. You too much Baba. You too sure, too sure, always showing up for us, never late to show, ever sending funds, with you everywhere stew. No dulling, no dull moment. When You charge us full, na so our high go dey make us levitate in the Spirit, from one rhema enter another realm, na so we dey crisscross. How we for do na if no be you? You be the Doer and the Doee, if the reader no know, me and You know 😀 Baba, come show Yourself again tonight make dem sabi You again. I thank you sey You don do am. Na my prostrate be this. Amen?
If you got this, type amen 😀
Amen 🔥
In case you’re wondering what is happening, here to let you know and you’re just about to be served.
By the way, this was not in my thinking nor in my note. I guess it is in the spirit of tonight’s teaching.
Topic - The Art of Recognizing and Celebrating Family Achievements.
Celebration is what we do every time. Although we do it in various ways, we may not know that we are putting forward a form of art. On this note, everybody is an artist. Some just don’t think they are, some think there isn’t any need to be more, while others tend to reverse the art.
According to Google, art strives to evoke a sense of beauty or an emotional reaction which can be through music, dance, painting, drawing, etc. Science on the other hand is objective, being guided by facts based on data whereas art is subjective and is deeply influenced by feelings and opinions.
Na so!
In a way, this means that in recognizing and celebrating family achievements, you can do it in your own unique style. It is flexible and should come as naturally as streams flow. You don’t need to worry your head about calculating anything as it does not follow a set formula.
There are vast examples of things we celebrate in the family today but distant few memories in the way they are celebrated.
Achievements in the family can be promotion in the office or even if it’s a step increase, landing a major investor, securing a better job, launching (starting up) a business, completing a professional training, when your ward completes a session (term inclusive), graduation, matriculation, bagging a postgraduate degree, birthday, house warming, attaining a milestone age, buying a car, jet, and so on. These I will call major achievements.
It can also be as simple or negligible as when your baby first successfully calls “daddy” or “mummy,” when he or she takes the first step or a few steps more than before especially in coming to you, when your child is finally able to write “5” on their own, when your spouse can finally move a car and even turn it without any correction, etc. These can be celebrated.
However, when you want to celebrate it, don’t just say, “Well done” or “Congratulations” or “That’s a good one” and that’s all. No, that is boring.
In celebrating someone, evoke an emotion that is almost unforgettable through your expression.
For instance, in celebrating love with my wife, there is a song that anytime it is played, both of us will look at ourselves and laugh because it brings back beautiful memories of when we started. You know why? That was the song I sang to her. It’s just unforgettable.
Don’t ask me what song it is o 😂
Sometimes I tease her by singing the song and before finishing the first line, she has joined me singing. That sweet memory still lingers.
A very long time ago, an imperial woman was talking to her highly influential son about a certain special woman who does so much for herself, her family, her husband, and all around her. The way she takes care of the house, prepares things for them daily, plans ahead for them daily was outstanding. Her managerial prowess was second to none. She also enjoyed so much success in the business/corporate world.
Her husband was so overwhelmed and so pleased that he always praised her. On one occasion, he looked at his lovely wife, held her in her hands, her face to his face, looked straight in her eyes, and said in that cool, sexy voice, “Many women have done greatly but you, you excel them all.”
Let’s pause and think about how she will feel. Ladies, please help me out. How do you think she will feel?
While we are expecting this, imagine your wife or wife-to-be bags an award at the office or is promoted and calls to share the news with you and when you finally see her face-to-face, you greet her with, “Ehn! See the face of the best worker in town! Clear road! Who wan try am! Most industrious! Ever punctual! Stand out babe! Oya walk like the champion that you are. Ehn see stepping! Chai! That’s my babe!!!”
And then you both give thanks and glory to God 😂 Don’t you think it will impress the feat better in the mind of the hearer?
Doing it at the right time and all things being equal, those words will cause laughter to burst out and joy in unpredictable ways.
You may decide to go cool, like, “Wow! That’s the best news I’ve heard all week. This gets me thinking that at last someone not only saw your worth, you got rewarded for it. After all the late nights, all the ‘I’m sorry I can’t meet up babe, please I explain later,’ all the bashing that you aren’t working well, see how it turned out big for you. Like I always tell you, you are so valuable, you are a body of treasures that are immeasurable in worth. Guy, they haven’t seen anything yet. Well done, I am super proud of you any day every time. Bring it in (opens arms wide for a big hug).”
That will definitely evoke emotions.
In using different words to celebrate our family who has achieved something, it will sometimes sound as if you are flattering, but no it’s not flattery. And the recipient shouldn’t wear Naija spirit in that moment by responding, “You dey whine me abi?” No!
Everyone can say these things. If you think you can’t, I challenge you to try and keep trying. It is beautiful. There is nothing like “I am not a writer or speaker” here. It is just you in the way it comes to you most naturally to celebrate them. Your style is what makes the celebration unique and memorable.
To help you, follow these 3 guidelines especially in celebrating a major achievement in the family:
Congratulate the person in other expressions. Make it primarily about the person. If verbal, express elaborately as you can on what the person has done, what it means, how it makes the person better, how you see the person in another or better frame since that achievement. Don’t take too much time in saying these, else it will lose taste. Don’t be quick to add - I am blessed to have you, you make my world… no, keep that for later. Write a short note of it and keep a copy.
Give the celebrant a gift. No matter how small, no matter how big. Put the note in it. Don’t be one of those who always wants the celebrant to take you out, who comes without a gift but is quick to say “let us party!” No. Giving a gift is like a seal on your expression of celebration and a way to say “I mean it when I say I celebrate you.”
Let your actions match those words after the celebration. As events unfold afterward, let there be consistency in what you say and do. Let it not be that the recipient will think you only said those things, you didn’t mean it.
Contributions and questions are welcome…
Cultivating Gratitude in Family Dynamics
Cultivating Gratitude in Family Dynamics
By Tembo Nani
7th December 2024
Father, we thank You for Jan 7, Feb 7, and Mar 7 to today, Dec 7. Thank You for health, food, money, clothes, shelter, and life generally. Be exalted on our thanksgiving. Please take the floor tonight. Show us a new You, a fresh insight, another perspective to guide us into becoming a better-molded version of ourselves than we used to be, crafted after the image of Jesus. Amen?
Topic - Cultivating Gratitude in Family Dynamics
Our seasoned guest took us in a detailed fashion on Family Dynamics in August this year. I would like us to go through it again although that was related to parenting. And so, against that background, I will be talking about Cultivating Gratitude.
Gratitude is an expression of appreciation for something good given or done to one. I want to believe it’s in this generation we can relate to that. Some of us grew up in a family setting where when the “lion” of the house is coming, even from 2 streets away, all the children reset to good behavior, I want to believe cannot recall ever hearing “thank you” from the lion himself. I want to believe so. You know those typical African home types… If you now grew up in a military home or barracks, just forget it. It will be alien to hear them thank you. I would love to ask - when these same parents call someone to come do some jobs in the house, they pay them and still say thank you o. So why won’t he say thank you to the Lioness? Or the baby lions when they do something good to him?
The question will now be - does saying thank you to your children and spouse mean you are weak or unmanly? I am here to say that showing gratitude is a culture we need to embody in whatever family dynamics we operate.
Richard Templar said, each time someone does something good to us, we should respond with “thank you.”
Ranging from asking for the remote control, to “pass me my phone please” to “go and buy me…” Say, thank you after it’s done. I guess it is easy to thank someone for what the person does to you which you are incapable of doing, but do we thank the person even if what is done to you is your right?
Married men, gather here, it’s your turn - do you thank your wife after you have sex with her? Or is being thankful the duty of the wife alone as per say you’re the head of the house?
Showing gratitude should not be limited to incapabilities alone. It should be a lifestyle reciprocation for every good thing done or given to us.
I remember those days when those mothers were accused of not thanking the child for helping to buy something on the way back, one said, “Ehn, is it not my money that she used to buy it?” Does that matter? What do we say to that?
Gratitude is mostly known or taken as verbal but it’s not limited to just the words even though that is important too. There is another side of it that we will take next week when we discuss The Art of Recognizing and Celebrating Family Achievements. Please be here.
Luke 17:11-19 - Jesus, being fully human, healed 10 lepers and he was moved that only one returned to say thank you, and the guy was not a Jew, he was called a foreigner.
Do you exhibit greedy gratitude - appreciation as a tactics to get more or to make more demands? If there is anyone who thanked God so much, far more than others in the Bible, it is easy to remember David. He said: Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him and bless his name. —Psalms 100:4
When he made that grave error with Bathsheba and God struck the child, he fasted and prayed that God should keep the boy’s life but the child died. The Bible says when he learned of his death, he went into the temple and worshipped God.
How do we import this in a human family setting? This is task 2 for us. In some families, gratitude seems like first nature not even second nature. There is that fluidity amongst them. From our lesson about family dynamics, some family settings can struggle with being grateful if at all. Some will be so robotic or mechanical about it, take for instance, Eugene’s family unlike Ifeoma’s family (in the book, Purple Hibiscus, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie). By the way, Eugene and Ifeoma grew up together with the same parents. The point is - that gratitude to God and also to one another should be shown, nurtured, and encouraged in the family in a way that makes it interesting, and enjoyable to do and this task rests solely on the parents as they begin to raise children.
I pray God helps us all.
Crisis and Faith
Crisis and Faith
By Tembo Nani
30th November 2024
Father, we thank You for a beautiful evening, the gift of life, and the privilege to hear from You again this weekend. Take all glory in Jesus’ name. Father, please speak to us in a new way as we get set to hear from You. Power Your word with the word of Your power. Fill all souls anew. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen
Topic - Crisis and Faith
A crisis is defined as. A time of intense difficulty or danger. A time when a difficult or important decision must be made. Simply put - a difficult or terrible period in the life of an individual or a people is called crisis.
If we live long enough, we all will face many crises, at times more than one around same time. It could be a health crisis, financial crisis, career crisis, marital crisis, spiritual, etc. Many times we see that some of these are interwoven, one difficult situation encroaching on or affecting other areas.
I will take a central position on this topic and hope we glean from it to treat every other area needed. Let me give an example of a crisis. This is from one of the highly respected servants of God who enjoyed exceptional testimonies in his walk with God. Psalms 23:1-4 - The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. *Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.* (KJV)
For someone who has been hearing God, seeing God, and enjoying God to suddenly find himself in the valley of the shadow of death is a troubling thing. What happened? Bear in mind that catastrophe, cataclysm, difficulty, plight, calamity, disaster, hell on earth, hot water, hardship, dilemma, or simply put, trouble are all synonyms of crisis. Our comrade experienced this phase of crisis when he said, “…Even though I walk through the valley *and shadow of death*, I will fear no evil…” Shadow of death - a mimic of death, something that looks like death, an experience that can be tagged an example of death.
First, we are supposed to be on to the mountaintop or as eagles soaring high in victory above storms including emotionally but here we are at this point *in the valley.* The disappointment and grief are enough to tug on the soul but then, it appears there is a lot of bombardment that we have to *“walk through”* and not fly over this valley, like walking through waters, while trying to stay alive.
There is great grief within, there are many troubles (crises) without. As if that is not enough, then we pass through a phase like death. I suddenly understood that deep depression is a shadow of death - nothing in reality makes sense to you no matter how dignifying, covetable, or meaningful it is. A person in deep depression is unperturbed about what goes on around him/her, goes through the day/life as if dead and just looks forward to life beyond this realm.
As I found out in some cases, having a better job, family, children, prospects of a higher degree, other material acquisition, and even the unfulfilled promises of God as heavy and mighty as they are, are not enough to make them want to stay. This mortal injury to the soul is just too deep. We know that life is not all smooth but to think that someone who kept mentioning God, seeing Him all around from verse 1 of Psalms 23 will suddenly become deeply depressed is just unimaginable, unexpected. While following God, one can be deeply depressed. A prolonged state of sad emotions with no definite date of expiration and no set method to come out of it? The crisis is falling upon crisis.
To heat the fire seven times over, he then said, *“…thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”* You would think running to God at such a time would mean He will pamper you in the strictest sense of the word “pamper.” You would expect to get a deep warm embrace, checking you all over out of care and love to make sure you are okay, kissing you like a father to his daughter he almost lost to death, giving you a special treat right there, tending to the wounds with a softness more than the wool’s and so on. But no, He uses the cane on you and it is meant to comfort you.
That’s one half of the plan to cheer you up, the other half being a medal of honor (staff) but flogging has to come first. Flogging me when deeply depressed? How is that any form of care?
We all know that when God flogs, it’s not a good experience but He does it for our good. When God flogs you, you will have a scar, when man flogs you, you will see it too but all things work together for good if you love God through it all. When God wants to show a side of Him that you are not familiar with, you have a crisis. When He wants to mature you, He throws you into crisis. Many times we discover that our experience doesn’t align with what God has told us. We reel in the trouble, the burning is terrible and we call it crisis but He smiles. Do you know why? God works from the end to the beginning, we only see the present as we go into the future. He knows that that trouble will produce glory for us if we allow Him.
So what do we do? This is where faith is important. He that cometh to God must first believe that He is… and that He is a rewarder of them who diligently seek him. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Heb 11:6. You must believe that God is - that He is present with you even when you can no longer hear or see Him as expressed by David. You must believe that He is not only King of kings but also King over every crisis.
Genesis 1:2 - And the earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God is still in charge even when the difficult situation gets worse. So hold on to your faith in God and in the word He has given you even when it no longer makes sense. Don’t make decisions if you have not heard from Him. Don’t be pressured into doing what you’re not sure He approves no matter how ethically right and humanly sensible it is. This is especially important when you need to take a decision or action and God is silent. This silence can be deafening and worse to bear.
Stay still. Continue the work given to you to do or in the word He told you until He says otherwise no matter how long time goes. Be sure however that you are waiting on Him correctly in the crisis. Allow God. Even if you caused the crisis for yourself through disobedience, stubbornness, wrongful living, at the point you repented and repercussions bombard you or life just takes some unprecedented swing on you, just allow God. Rest.
Get a companion. This is someone who connects to your heart, can provide spiritual and intelligent counsel, and pray with you. We all need the strength of another person to move on at some point in our lives. Let God guide you to one and don’t mess it up with fleshly cravings - greed, lust, deceit, etc.
Lastly, keep praying even if the words don’t come out. Let your heart stay on God even when you don’t see Him. He is alive and greater than all the troubles. Be of good cheer, Jesus said, I have overcome the world. You will come out better and stronger. You will share your testimony to encourage generations. Don’t die till God is ready to take you home. Cheers!
Parenting Challenges in the Christian Context
Parenting Challenges in the Christian Context
By Pastor Fatoye
9th November 2024
Father Lord Jesus, we thank you for this day. We pray that you will inspire us and bless us through your word. Both the readers and the minister will tap something great tonight that will make our future, family better and brighter for your glory. Thank you Jesus for an answered prayer. For in Jesus' Name, we’ve prayed.
Our topic tonight is Parenting Challenges in the Christian Context
Let read from the scriptures: Genesis 27:1-10 “When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.” “Here I am,” he answered. Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” Genesis 27:1-10 NIV
We are going to narrow the topic to a *Guide to godly parenting using Isaac and Rebekah as a case study* You will learn from Isaac and Rebekah, the biblical figures in Genesis 27, who demonstrated some parenting principles. Their story highlights successes and failures, offering valuable lessons.
How can parents balance showing love and setting boundaries?
What are effective ways to teach children about God's promises?
How can parents model humility and servant leadership?
These are effective questions that will guide us not to be guilty of wrong parenting.
“Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.” Genesis 25:21 NIV *Providing a valuable lesson and practicable Principles:*
1. Prayerful Parenting: Isaac and Rebekah prayed for children (Genesis 25:21). Teach your children the importance of prayer. “Now there was a famine in the land—besides the previous famine in Abraham’s time—and Isaac went to Abimelek king of the Philistines in Gerar. The Lord appeared to Isaac and said, “Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live. Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants, I will give all these lands and will confirm the oath I swore to your father Abraham. I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because Abraham obeyed me and did everything I required of him, keeping my commands, my decrees, and my instructions.”Genesis 26:1-5 NIV
2. Faithful Example: There is no way to reach the desired heights of having a fulfilling glorious family without your faithfulness to God’s leadership and instruction. Isaac followed God's promise (Genesis 26:2-5). This gesture is a model of faithfulness to the children. “Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” Genesis 27:5-10 NIV
3. Discipline and Correction: Rebekah and Jacob instructed their children (Genesis 27:5-10). Here we need to use the right wisdom and discernment when correcting children. If not that step could mislead them to miss their desired fulfillment of destiny. It took grace to get over that step Rebecca took. “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” Genesis 25:28 NIV
4. Unconditional Love: Isaac loved Esau, and Rebecca loved Jacob despite this resulting in their flaws (Genesis 25:28). Show unconditional love to your children equally. “Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Harran. Stay with him for a while until your brother’s fury subsides. When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?” Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.” Genesis 27:43-46 NIV
5. Guidance and Direction: Rebekah guided Jacob. Guide while allowing children to make choices. Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."
Parents need to love their children equally and agree on how to bring them up. The quarrels between Jacob and Esau were a result of the parents not working together in raising their children This serves as a very good lesson to parents who favour one child over another, It destroys the family. The mother, Rebekah, favoured the younger son, Jacob, and schemed with him to deceive his father so that he could receive his father's blessing instead of his older brother Esau. As a result, the family was torn apart. God intervened in the conflict, but it cost Jacob many years of hard servitude, and it cost Isaac the love of his family and the company of his son. God will never fail despite our wrangles and sin, but those concerned will pay a heavy price.
FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION
FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION
By Mr Oluwaseyi Festus
2nd November 2024
Our heavenly Father we thank you Lord for bringing us into November, as we want to hear your word tonight teach us from above, and speak through our teacher tonight. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for in Jesus' name have we prayed Amen
Our topic for this weekend is FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION pray God helps me to scratch this enough;...Forgiveness on its own is the title of many Books. I am very sure we are all familiar with the maxim: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.”
Reconciliation is even trickier than forgiveness because nobody can reconcile without forgiving any offense or event that led to being hurt.
So, I will be splitting the topic into two. Forgiveness and Reconciliation. And as we will be discussing the Biblical side of this, the human side will also pop in at some point.
We start with FORGIVENESS
We will view forgiveness under the following subheadings:
What is Forgiveness?
Offences before Forgiveness.
Why do we have to Forgive?
Effects of Not Forgiving Offences.
How do I Practice Forgiveness?
What if I find it Difficult to Forgive?
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is different things to different people. I have my version of the word *forgiveness*, all of us have different versions of it, but in general, it involves intentionally or deliberately letting go of resentment, anger, or at the extreme, hatred. Forgiveness is letting go of an inflicted pain, trauma, resentment, anger, or hatred towards someone who has offended, wronged, or hurt us. Forgiveness comes as a deliberate and conscious decision to release negative thoughts and feelings, grudges, bitterness, and the choice to move forward, even though the other person may not or does not deserve our forgiveness. In the ultimate decision to forgive the offenses towards us, the particular event that hurt or offended us might always be with us or we might still carry the scars, but working on forgiveness can lessen that event's grip on us. It can help us make peace with that scar (physical or emotional) and in the long run, it will help us break free from the control or influence the person who harmed or offended us, exerts on us.
You know, if you don’t forgive or you find it difficult to forgive what someone did to you, whenever you see the person who hurt you, even though you’ve been very happy and filled with joy moments earlier, your countenance will change and your mood will get soiled and soured. In the case of Haman and Mordecai, in Esther 5:9 "So Haman went out that day joyful and with a glad heart; but when Haman saw Mordecai in the king’s gate, and that he did not stand or tremble before him, he was filled with indignation against Mordecai."
Failing to forgive steals joy. Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead us to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt us. If we forgive, we will be calm enough to see what we won't have seen while angry with the offender. God, Who created all things, Man inclusive, always forgives us of our sins because He knows us for who we are; Psalms 103:14, " For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust". So, knowing and acknowledging that the person who offended us is also a human who is fallible and prone to mistakes, helps us to find it easier to forgive. And that is why in the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6vs12: “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us,”
We need God's forgiveness as much as our fellow humans need our forgiveness. All that said, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you nor does it mean to always allow what led to the hurt or offence. Also, it doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm or giving the person a platform to rinse and repeat. Just that we have to know and accept that Forgiveness brings a kind of inner peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and helps us go on with life as we choose not to allow the hurt to control our emotions, thoughts, and actions.
Offense before Forgiveness
Romans 3:32 says: “For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God,”… this is the perpetual offense of mankind to God, and yet as He forgives us, He also wants us to forgive each other no matter how many times we are offended Ephesians 1:7 - In Him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. The will never be the need for forgiveness if there was never the act of offense.
That last line led Peter to ask Jesus Christ a question as regards forgiveness... He asked Jesus how many times we can forgive a fellow human who keeps offending us, and Jesus told him “70 times 7”, which means before we take offense, that person must have offended us 490 times in a day. Now, if a human being is as devilish and mischievous as anything to offend us 490 times in a day, we are permitted to take offense and be angry! Even at that, God still says in Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,” This is to buttress the fact that, no matter how justified our anger or feeling of being offended is, we will still need to forgive and let go.
Why do we have to forgive?
Matthew 18vs21-22, Biblically, we are required to forgive our brethren 490 times a day. Continuing in Ephesians 4 32, God said: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. The word FORGIVING is a continuous verb, and that means no matter the number of times, we must continue to forgive. Letting go of offenses, grudges, and bitterness can lead to improved health and general peace of mind.
If we fully practice the act of Forgiveness, that will surely lead to:
Healthier relationships with God and with men.
Improved mental health giving stable and clear mind.
Less anxiety, stress, hostility, and no transfer of aggression towards those undeserving of such.
Lesser proximity to depression.
Normal blood pressure.
Medically, it will help us build a stronger immune system.
Improves the health of the heart and the blood vessels.
Improves our self-esteem, and self-worth and helps build emotional control over anger.
What are the effects of not Forgiving Offences?
The effects of finding it difficult to forgive are first and foremost having a very dark heart and a face that will always be squeezed in anger;...remember it takes 17 muscles to smile and 42 muscles to frown. So, if you struggle with forgiving those who hurt you, you might:
Bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences.
Become so wrapped up in the trauma of the offense that you can't enjoy the present.
Become depressed, irritable, or anxious.
Easily transfer aggression towards the closest person.
Feel very ill-at-ease spiritually.
Lose valuable and progressively beneficial connections with others.
How do I Practice Forgiveness?
We should know that Forgiveness is a willful commitment to change. It takes practice, conscious efforts, and deliberate attempts to act on forgiving people.
To learn how to forgive, you will have to:
Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life.
Identify what needs healing and who you want to forgive.
Join a support group or meet with a counselor if needed.
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, analyze how those emotions affected your behavior, and then work to release them. On this particular one, DO NOT let your heart deceive you that you weren’t offended.
Choose to forgive anybody who has offended and will offend you.
Neutralise the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.
Forgive yourself.
The act of forgiving includes forgiving yourself, this is the bedrock of trying to practice forgiveness with any other person. For instance, if your spouse had an affair, recognize that the affair is not a reflection of your worth, or if someone cheated you financially, look beyond the financial loss.
Forgive deeply.
Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think God requires it may be enough to bring some healing, it may end up hurting you more than the initial offense. In reality, people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized. Those who only forgave to salvage the relationship wound up having a worse relationship with the person who offended them or with another person after that due to the underlying traumatic effect. Despite all we've said above, trying to forgive can still be difficult.
"What if I find it Difficult to Forgive?"
Humanly speaking, forgiveness can be hard o, especially if the person who hurt you is adamant to accept hurting or offending you or the person is acting the victim and blaming you for whatever happened. So, if and when you find yourself in a situation like this, first:
Practice empathy. Try seeing the situation from the other person's point of view. Regardless if you are very sure to be the person who is right and who was offended. Sometimes the *6* we see is the *9* another person sees, and our *3* might be *E* to others.
Ask yourself about the circumstances that may have led the other person to behave in such a way. Try to check whatever could have triggered the offending act.
Reflect on times when others have forgiven you.
Talk with spiritually sound and ethically balanced elders or someone you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
Be aware that forgiveness is a process. Even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again.
And lastly, remember humans will always be humans, and no matter what, people can do anything in their minute of madness and their ego will never allow them to apologize for their misbehaviors.
RECONCILIATION
Reconciliation is the act or practice of trying to mend a broken down relationship, communication, or way of acting previously that was warm, affable, and calm with someone we hold dear or in high regard. Forgiveness is the key, the lock, and the doorway to Reconciliation.
Although not all forgiveness will lead to reconciliation with the person who offended us, then all forgiveness will lead to us reconciling within ourselves AND with the event that happened. If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship we value, for example married couple or a family, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation, gradually or ultimately. But, in all sincerity and humanly speaking, this isn't always the case. And that is why we will always need God and the help of the Holy Spirit when trying to forgive and reconcile fully.
Reconciliation might not always work in some situations. For example: Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.
What if the person I'm forgiving and what to reconcile with doesn't change?
Another reason reconciliation might not always work is if the other person isn’t willing to change and stop committing the offense. In this situation, our reconciliation will be about focusing on what we can control in the present and what to do to minimize a repeat of the effect of the offense in the future. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to have in your life and help you reconcile with yourself and with God. And with time, if the offender knows you are no longer offended, such a person might come fully around to reconcile with himself/herself and ultimately with you. And lastly, as I round up... We always talk about forgiving others and trying to reconcile with them...
What if we are the one who needs to forgive ourselves and reconcile with ourselves?
This last question is for many in the older generation due to secret sins and misdemeanors .. but for the younger generation, Gen Z and Gen whatever may come after them, many will have to battle with secret and open misdemeanors.
Class of Body Positivities and I must make money by any means going into this, the first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done in the past and how they have affected others.
Secondly, DO NOT judge yourself too harshly. If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done and want forgiveness, consider reaching out to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret. Ask for forgiveness without making excuses. We should note that we can't force someone to forgive us. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time, and remember, forgiveness is a process and reconciliation may happen ONCE forgiveness is complete, AND IT MAY NOT HAPPEN, but definitely PEACE will happen.
Either way, whatever happens, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy, and respect.
We are all humans, we will always offend each other, let us learn to forgive.
Let go of the offense, hurt, or harm, and let God fill your heart and soul with His peace that passes all understanding...
Healing for Homes
Healing for Homes
By Mr Tembo Nani
26th October 2024
I am trusting God that this session will not last just this night but that there will be a transformation in every aching area of every home here resulting from the encounter you will have with Jesus. This is a very wide topic which I will categorize to enable me to go around every area as much as possible. To ensure effective address, there are declarations I will make, you as the recipient will pray on your peculiar case and then I will summarize some action steps you need to take to establish or sustain the healing.
Healing is possible for every home here. Please believe this so you don’t miss out. How do I know? In fact, more available is healing in store for every home yet to be established here. The Bible says in Luke 5:17, ” And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by, which were come out of every town of Galilee, and Judaea, and Jerusalem: and the power of the Lord was present to heal them.” - Luke 5:17 (KJV). There are healing groups I want to quickly break us into and cases God will address.
Group 1: Perhaps you think your case is impossible, God asked through Jeremiah, is there anything too hard for me? God answered through Gabriel, for with God, nothing shall be impossible. Nathaniel asked - Can anything good come out of Bethlehem? He was told, just as I am telling you - Come and see!
Group 2: You know God can heal this home but you are not keen to see it. O weary soul, receive strength. Come, drink from the fountain that can make you whole. <This message was edited>
Group 3: You believe in God but are not sure if He will help you in this matter. Oh Father, please help this unbelief.
Group 4: Things have gone so bad, that you are not ready to calculate God, who caused it is not your concern, all you know is that you need help badly and like right now. I hear such hearts saying like the leper, *“If you will, you can heal me. And Jesus said, “I will, be healed.”* Matt. 8:2-3.
Group 5: Those who know that the family is a catastrophe needing help but are not ready to bring it to God. In other words, this group is a hopeless case that they have decided to bear with till they become independent and go far away from them. I hear God say, *We are revisiting that family.”*
There is hope for this tree you just want to avoid by all means. This hope may be mainly because of your spouse or children when they visit in years to come. God is visiting them from now.
Brethren, I hear God say healing has begun and I don’t think I have started. Well, however, the Holy Spirit chooses to move, I concur, I am just a messenger.
So He says healing has begun, you will not see the rain or the wind but the valley will be filled with water (2 Kings 3:17). However, you are the one to make the ditches and I will tell you how to go about it when that time comes (vs 16).
Some families have at least one member experiencing some critical challenge which could be a health crisis, spiritual, or financial instability, reproductive in nature, or a recalcitrant child causing problems in or around the hood, and this drains the family. Every time it occurs or you remember it, you agonize, the torrent is just tiring. This is Case 1.
Some have an important member missing. This is Case 2. Absentee, lazy, irresponsible, and/or negligent fathers/mothers come in this category. Also, some ache because of the spouse’s work distance and the disadvantage it brings. This distance issue can be combined with the personality profile in Case 3 to give a hurtful experience. All these cases above will be addressed, however, Case 3 is what I will base this session on - *addressing the foundation of families - the husband and wife.*
There is bound to be disagreements between couples, but this is not what I am sent to address. I am directed to address ideology-based differences causing tension between couples where one partner has built concepts that may sound true but don’t work with you and is unwilling to listen or adjust. They could be ideas from trending social media posts or influencers that don’t align with the scripture. Such a partner could be living on fickle motivational quotes or unrealistic peer group advice in which s/he masks his/her flaw that should be dealt with and this kills off the light of affection between you two. You might have married as unbelievers before the light of God shined on your path and so there could be some troubles arising in the home from that religious background needing attention. And then, still in Case 3 is one partner enjoying parasitic fulfillment. Parasitic at the expense of the partner and worse is that s/he doesn’t care about the host. Perhaps you are now helpless in handling your partner regarding patterns of behavior, conflict resolution, domestic tantrums, identity crises, executing the blueprint received in building your home, etc.
Let me highlight here, as someone has missed it, that up to this point, there is nothing imaginable that you have not done to help the matter. This presupposes that you have prayed, talked to the person/partner about it at different times and in different ways, and maybe even met someone to counsel or assist in the matter. Still, no result. For all these cases, this is where you will press God hard in prayers with all the pain and tears. There was a time in the life of this young prophet called Isaiah when something remarkable happened to him that changed his life and ministry for the rest of his life. He knew God personally but what happened was on another level. He wrote by himself saying, *“In the year that king Uzziah died, I saw also the Lord (Isa. 6:1).”*
No one preached to him before he saw his flaw and changed and then help came from the altar in heaven. I am not teaching this verse, please just pray in your pain. *Say - Father, show Yourself to me, let my spouse see You.* When that spouse sees God, even you will be shocked at the result. This also applies to the other cases cited above, pray for them - let this person see You.
I counsel that you find a quiet place where you can pray alone as you read this.
They may not be able to say they saw God before they began changing, and they may not be able to say when the change began but you will know that God answered this prayer. God may not show Himself through vision like the case we just read but one thing is certain - the word of God will hit that person. The word of God is efficient in dealing with whatever stuff the person is made of. The word is like fire and hammer (Jer. 23:29). That same word of God is quick, powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Heb 4:12, KJV). This is not a prayer you pray once and forget. It should go on for days, weeks, months, as often as the knotty issue arises again till the change desired is seen.
Now, how do you make the valley of this relationship full of ditches while God is working to fill them with water without the sign of the wind and the rain? If you are the one suffering as the husband, *keep loving your wife*.
Don’t look at the kickbacks, the controversy she raises every time, the twisted information about you that she shares around with family and friends, the misinterpretations, criticisms, and judgments she fires at you. All of them like whipping on your back, with the agony within, bend and keep making the ditches by loving her. It is not easy, even if you will drop points or reduce your pace. I understand but remember you need water and God can be trusted because He said He will fill the ditches with water.
So, cry if you must but get back to making those ditches. *Yes, men also cry very strong men weep and groan.* For you to know you are doing it correctly, the Holy Spirit will quietly comfort you and caution you when you act or react wrongly. Please, don’t question or rationalize His words, just adjust and keep making those ditches. The more you love her correctly, the worse she may be getting, meaning you are making the ditches but are not seeing the water. Don’t be discouraged brother, continue. Remember, God said clearly and I want to scream so that the loudness can overshadow your hurts and discouragement - YOU WILL NOT SEE THE WIND OR THE RAIN!!!!!! Water is coming, but you don’t know when it will come, leave the “how” to me, I (God) will fill the ditches but YOU WILL NOT SEE THE WIND OR THE RAIN!!! And so, with the hurts, the tears (both the water from your eyes and the pulling apart in your heart), the frustrations, the lack of reciprocation, keep making those ditches. And if you are the wife experiencing the dryness we are talking about, *your role is to keep making those ditches too by submitting to your husband.* Submission is what He says, not cooperation or obedience.
I will deliberately not dwell on this but from the explanation for the husband above, do your version too, not according to the world’s view or modern-day counsel but based on the sound rule of God in the Bible. I am sorry, I won’t take questions in this regard. The Holy Spirit will explain it to you. It is easy to point to men to love their wives but when it comes to submission, then it appears you have struck a painful nerve. If you don’t want to submit, no problem but this is your part to play before God will bring the water you desire. I am only a messenger but we all have direct access to God, so you can take the matter of submission to Him.
However, if you are sincere and know that you need help, counsel, clarification, or someone safe to pour your heart into like a trusted friend on this journey or a mentor, please pray God to direct someone to you.
I had already finished this session with God and was going about my day when the Holy Spirit brought up a special mention which I’ll call Case 4 - those who are due for marriage but are still unmarried.
I noted this somewhere in my mind while one part of me was asking within - how does this case relate to homes and thus need healing? I thought I was the only one in the room (mind) talking to myself but then I immediately heard, “Two nations are in your womb…” That was about Jacob and Esau. Homes beget nations. Homes stand on two legs. That single brother or sister is yet to be married but due is an important leg waiting to be settled. I filed this away again while I continued with my day’s tasks. Minutes later, the Holy Spirit asked in a gentle voice laden with compassion I can’t compare, ” Will you not add this?” (to the session note He meant) and immediately He reminded me of a song I knew for a long time but which didn’t come to mind at all through the months I’ve been meditating on this topic above.
As I close, this is what I’ll sing as prayer and comfort to the single brothers and sisters here who are ready for marriage but are unmarried. As much as it is very good that you’ve been adding value to yourself, progressing in career/ministry, enjoying a walk with God in your singleness, etc., the fact that age is flying while you remain unmarried appears to be heartbreaking, wounded side of you which needs healing. Only marriage and entering it rightly can heal this side of you but for whatever reason, time becomes an enemy and God seems to be on leave. I have been sent to you. Healing Rain. If you can get the original version by Michael W. Smith, the better.
I trust that God has met us all in one way or another. I pray that your healing will be complete sooner than you think. I prophesy that because you have been part of this session, as this year goes to an end, God will work for you such that you enjoy it in a new, refreshing, and fulfilling way as a sign that God has sent me. It humbles me knowing that along the line, I wanted to decline this topic by giving it to someone else to take but God told me something that made me rethink.
Thank you Father for this help in season. Please help us to continue aligning with You to the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. We shall praise You world without end. Amen.
CREATING FAMILY TIME IN TODAY’S BUSY WORLD
CREATING FAMILY TIME IN TODAY’S BUSY WORLD
By Mr Oyedeji Ademola
5th October 2024
Thank you, CCN, for the privilege ❤️
So I’ll be speaking on the subject “ CREATING FAMILY TIME IN TODAY’S BUSY WORLD“
A study of 2,000 mums and dads with children at home found their work shifts are the top cause of hindering family time (56 per cent), as well as homework (29 per cent) and social media use (20 per cent).
Almost a third (31 per cent) also blame their lack of time together on the impact of the cost-of-living crisis. And a quarter claimed communication within households hasn’t been the same since the economic climate changed.
(March 2023 report on Independent News. Alice Hughes)
This session will not last just this night, but there will be a transformation in every aching area of every home here resulting from the encounter you will have with Jesus.
This is a very wide topic, which I will categorize to enable me to go around every area as much as possible. To ensure effective address, there are declarations I will make, you as the recipient will pray on your peculiar case and then I will summarize some action steps you need to take to establish or sustain the healing.
Healing is possible for every home here. Please believe this so you don’t miss out. How do I know? In fact, more available is healing in store for every home yet to be established here. The Bible says in Luke 5:17, ” And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by, which were come out of every town of Galilee, and Judaea, and Jerusalem: and the power of the Lord was present to heal them.” - Luke 5:17 (KJV). There are healing groups I want to quickly break us into and cases God will address.
Group 1: Perhaps you think your case is impossible, God asked through Jeremiah, is there anything too hard for me? God answered through Gabriel, for with God, nothing shall be impossible. Nathaniel asked - Can anything good come out of Bethlehem? He was told, just as I am telling you - Come and see!
Group 2: You know God can heal this home but you are not keen to see it. O weary soul, receive strength. Come, drink from the fountain that can make you whole. <This message was edited>
Group 3: You believe in God but are not sure if He will help you in this matter. Oh Father, please help this unbelief.
Group 4: Things have gone so bad, that you are not ready to calculate God, who caused it is not your concern, all you know is that you need help badly and like right now. I hear such hearts saying like the leper, *“If you will, you can heal me. And Jesus said, “I will, be healed.”* Matt. 8:2-3.
Group 5: Those who know that the family is a catastrophe needing help but are not ready to bring it to God. In other words, this group is a hopeless case that they have decided to bear with till they become independent and go far away from them. I hear God say, *We are revisiting that family.”*
There is hope for this tree you just want to avoid by all means. This hope may be mainly because of your spouse or children when they visit in years to come. God is visiting them from now.
Brethren, I hear God say healing has begun and I don’t think I have started. Well, however, the Holy Spirit chooses to move, I concur, I am just a messenger.
So He says healing has begun, you will not see the rain or the wind but the valley will be filled with water (2 Kings 3:17). However, you are the one to make the ditches and I will tell you how to go about it when that time comes (vs 16).
Some families have at least one member experiencing some critical challenge which could be a health crisis, spiritual, or financial instability, reproductive in nature, or a recalcitrant child causing problems in or around the hood, and this drains the family. Every time it occurs or you remember it, you agonize, the torrent is just tiring. This is Case 1.
Some have an important member missing. This is Case 2. Absentee, lazy, irresponsible, and/or negligent fathers/mothers come in this category. Also, some ache because of the spouse’s work distance and the disadvantage it brings. This distance issue can be combined with the personality profile in Case 3 to give a hurtful experience. All these cases above will be addressed, however, Case 3 is what I will base this session on - *addressing the foundation of families - the husband and wife.*
There is bound to be disagreements between couples, but this is not what I am sent to address. I am directed to address ideology-based differences causing tension between couples where one partner has built concepts that may sound true but don’t work with you and is unwilling to listen or adjust. They could be ideas from trending social media posts or influencers that don’t align with the scripture. Such a partner could be living on fickle motivational quotes or unrealistic peer group advice in which s/he masks his/her flaw that should be dealt with and this kills off the light of affection between you two. You might have married as unbelievers before the light of God shined on your path and so there could be some troubles arising in the home from that religious background needing attention. And then, still in Case 3 is one partner enjoying parasitic fulfillment. Parasitic at the expense of the partner and worse is that s/he doesn’t care about the host. Perhaps you are now helpless in handling your partner regarding patterns of behavior, conflict resolution, domestic tantrums, identity crises, executing the blueprint received in building your home, etc.
Let me highlight here, as someone has missed it, that up to this point, there is nothing imaginable that you have not done to help the matter. This presupposes that you have prayed, talked to the person/partner about it at different times and in different ways, and maybe even met someone to counsel or assist in the matter. Still, no result. For all these cases, this is where you will press God hard in prayers with all the pain and tears. There was a time in the life of this young prophet called Isaiah when something remarkable happened to him that changed his life and ministry for the rest of his life. He knew God personally but what happened was on another level. He wrote by himself saying, *“In the year that king Uzziah died, I saw also the Lord (Isa. 6:1).”*
No one preached to him before he saw his flaw and changed and then help came from the altar in heaven. I am not teaching this verse, please just pray in your pain. *Say - Father, show Yourself to me, let my spouse see You.* When that spouse sees God, even you will be shocked at the result. This also applies to the other cases cited above, pray for them - let this person see You.
I counsel that you find a quiet place where you can pray alone as you read this.
They may not be able to say they saw God before they began changing, and they may not be able to say when the change began but you will know that God answered this prayer. God may not show Himself through vision like the case we just read but one thing is certain - the word of God will hit that person. The word of God is efficient in dealing with whatever stuff the person is made of. The word is like fire and hammer (Jer. 23:29). That same word of God is quick, powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Heb 4:12, KJV). This is not a prayer you pray once and forget. It should go on for days, weeks, months, as often as the knotty issue arises again till the change desired is seen.
Now, how do you make the valley of this relationship full of ditches while God is working to fill them with water without the sign of the wind and the rain? If you are the one suffering as the husband, *keep loving your wife*.
Don’t look at the kickbacks, the controversy she raises every time, the twisted information about you that she shares around with family and friends, the misinterpretations, criticisms, and judgments she fires at you. All of them like whipping on your back, with the agony within, bend and keep making the ditches by loving her. It is not easy, even if you will drop points or reduce your pace. I understand but remember you need water and God can be trusted because He said He will fill the ditches with water.
So, cry if you must but get back to making those ditches. *Yes, men also cry very strong men weep and groan.* For you to know you are doing it correctly, the Holy Spirit will quietly comfort you and caution you when you act or react wrongly. Please, don’t question or rationalize His words, just adjust and keep making those ditches. The more you love her correctly, the worse she may be getting, meaning you are making the ditches but are not seeing the water. Don’t be discouraged brother, continue. Remember, God said clearly and I want to scream so that the loudness can overshadow your hurts and discouragement - YOU WILL NOT SEE THE WIND OR THE RAIN!!!!!! Water is coming, but you don’t know when it will come, leave the “how” to me, I (God) will fill the ditches but YOU WILL NOT SEE THE WIND OR THE RAIN!!! And so, with the hurts, the tears (both the water from your eyes and the pulling apart in your heart), the frustrations, the lack of reciprocation, keep making those ditches. And if you are the wife experiencing the dryness we are talking about, *your role is to keep making those ditches too by submitting to your husband.* Submission is what He says, not cooperation or obedience.
I will deliberately not dwell on this but from the explanation for the husband above, do your version too, not according to the world’s view or modern-day counsel but based on the sound rule of God in the Bible. I am sorry, I won’t take questions in this regard. The Holy Spirit will explain it to you. It is easy to point to men to love their wives but when it comes to submission, then it appears you have struck a painful nerve. If you don’t want to submit, no problem but this is your part to play before God will bring the water you desire. I am only a messenger but we all have direct access to God, so you can take the matter of submission to Him.
However, if you are sincere and know that you need help, counsel, clarification, or someone safe to pour your heart into like a trusted friend on this journey or a mentor, please pray God to direct someone to you.
I had already finished this session with God and was going about my day when the Holy Spirit brought up a special mention which I’ll call Case 4 - those who are due for marriage but are still unmarried.
I noted this somewhere in my mind while one part of me was asking within - how does this case relate to homes and thus need healing? I thought I was the only one in the room (mind) talking to myself but then I immediately heard, “Two nations are in your womb…” That was about Jacob and Esau. Homes beget nations. Homes stand on two legs. That single brother or sister is yet to be married but due is an important leg waiting to be settled. I filed this away again while I continued with my day’s tasks. Minutes later, the Holy Spirit asked in a gentle voice laden with compassion I can’t compare, ” Will you not add this?” (to the session note He meant) and immediately He reminded me of a song I knew for a long time but which didn’t come to mind at all through the months I’ve been meditating on this topic above.
As I close, this is what I’ll sing as prayer and comfort to the single brothers and sisters here who are ready for marriage but are unmarried. As much as it is very good that you’ve been adding value to yourself, progressing in career/ministry, enjoying a walk with God in your singleness, etc., the fact that age is flying while you remain unmarried appears to be heartbreaking, wounded side of you which needs healing. Only marriage and entering it rightly can heal this side of you but for whatever reason, time becomes an enemy and God seems to be on leave. I have been sent to you. Healing Rain. If you can get the original version by Michael W. Smith, the better.
I trust that God has met us all in one way or another. I pray that your healing will be complete sooner than you think. I prophesy that because you have been part of this session, as this year goes to an end, God will work for you such that you enjoy it in a new, refreshing, and fulfilling way as a sign that God has sent me. It humbles me knowing that along the line, I wanted to decline this topic by giving it to someone else to take but God told me something that made me rethink.
Thank you Father for this help in season. Please help us to continue aligning with You to the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. We shall praise You world without end. Amen.
PRAYER & FAMILY DEVOTION
PRAYER & FAMILY DEVOTION
By Mr. Bankole Adewale
28th September 2024
I am not today's speaker (God is), I am just a loudspeaker that echoes out what the speaker wants you to hear. So I'd be glad if we can take the word with an open mind and let the spirit interpret it. The word of God is dynamic and beyond what just one man can completely interpret and comprehend.
We shall be talking about the topic
PRAYER & FAMILY DEVOTION
We all have best friends, best food and probably fanatic about a football club or musician but have you taken time to ask yourself why you know so much about that your best friend or why you are a specialist in that your chosen career or field? This is because you have devoted time and probably resources to nurture the relationship between you and the person or taken time to understand the course or the profession.....
Prayer is intimacy with God. It is spending time with God- the Father that grants access into His throne. More than money, we need access into the throne of God because that is where decisions concerning destiny remodeling and recovery are made.
What is Prayer?*
According to the Internet; *Prayer is an act or a behaviour that seeks to activate a rapport with an object of worship through deliberate communication.* My emphasis is on *deliberate communication.* Prayer is how we communicate with our maker or someone you worship and you have to be *deliberate* with it. It is being deliberate in the place of prayers that can bring up the needed rapport between you and God. Remember that it is your cordial, consistent and deliberate relationship with that your friend that makes you best of friends, it is your personal commitment to the course you studied that made you a specialist in the course.
If seasons are seasonal, prayer is not a season. You are to prayer at all times, regardless of your condition or circumstances.*
I repeat, pray, pray and pray!
If there's anything in your life, that is not good enough, it means you have not prayed enough. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger but they that seek the name of the Lord will not lack any good thing. We do not belong to the young lion, we belong to the strongest species of lion in the lion Kingdom - the lion of the tribe of Judah.
We are overcomers!
TYPES OF PRAYERS
Though there are over 24 types of prayers ranging from intercession prayers, supplication, thanksgiving among others but according to I Thessalonians 5 vs 16-18, permit me to categorize these prayers into just 2.
1. Prayer of Aiteo
2. The Eucharistic prayer
I am… sorry delayed response. I’m multitasking. I will come up to speed
Prayer of Aiteo
The Greek word *aiteo* means to *ask, to beg, demand, request or require.* It also indicate that there is an *inferior asking from a superior* which in this case represents human asking from God.
The prayer of aiteo is whenever you pray not to praise God but to place a demand or request for something from him.
Please read, Matthew 7 vs 7, Matthew 7 vs 9-10, Acts 12 vs 20, Luke 23 vs 23, Acts 3 vs 2. These scriptures are examples of where aiteo was prayed either to God or to any one that is superior eg a king.
The Eucharistic prayer*
This type of prayer shakes the hand of God but as selfish as humans can be, we don't often pray it.
It is a prayer where God is praised, honored and worshipped alone. The Eucharist doesn't make a demand, even if he has a million needs, he will rather choose to worship God for what he has done.
Queen Esther chose this type of prayer before the king. She kept satisfying the king and his cabinet for 3 days before making any demands. King David too, engaged the use of the Eucharistic prayer and he was able to avoid many of the punishments that he truly deserved😊
Prayers can also be either Horizontal or vertical depending on who or where it's intended to reach.
Remember Daniel prayed a vertical prayer to God but a Prince of Persian delayed the response. He didn't get his response until he prayed an horizontal prayer to the being withholding it.
FAMILY DEVOTION
This is a deliberate and consistent time set aside to pray and share the word of God together. It is very important for members to pray together and share the word, Psalm 133. Tremendous power is made available when men pray together. No matter who you are, you always belong to a family.
Family Devotion is not limited to just the gathering of blood related members, friends or colleagues. The church is a family to which every believe must belong to.
As parents, we should always ensure that family devotion is always observed.
Why?
1. It's sets the day in motion and provides a good way to start the day.
2. It promotes bonding
3. Provides opportunities to strengthen your child's faith
4. Ensures that the Scripture is read daily and may boost retention and reading skill
5. It provides an avenue for questions to be asked about the Christian faith
6. Helps children see their struggles as pain for progress
If your family alter is down, I humbly beg that you rebuild it. The benefits outweighs the stress and time.
Don't be afraid, in the process of building, the devil will always send Sanballat and Tobiah, men and circumstances that will always give you a million reason to abuse God, but just hang in there. God will show up and your devotion to him will be well compensated.
I pray that God helps all of us.
For time sake, I'll drop my pen and await our contributions and questions. Thank you for having me here, I remain Bankole Adewale
Building Strong Marriages
Building Strong Marriages
By Dr. Esther Peter
14th September 2024
Esther Peter, PhD, is a truly inspiring individual, renowned for her kindness, faith, and accomplishments. Balancing her roles as a loving wife, mother, and daughter, she's a testament to grace and dedication. Holding a PhD in ICT Education with a focus on Artificial Intelligence, she's a pioneer in her field. Beyond her academic achievements, she's a gifted singer and a passionate advocate for positively impacting lives.
The topic for today's teaching is *Building Strong Marriages*. I want this teaching to be interactive. I urge us to be attentive so as to flow with the teaching.
Let me start by asking, what is building?
In the context of marriage, "building" refers to the process of creating, strengthening, and nurturing a healthy and fulfilling relationship between two partners.
Just like building a house, building a strong marriage requires:
1. Laying a solid foundation
2. Framing a supportive structure
3. Adding layers of trust, understanding, and love
4. Maintaining and renovating as needed
These processes takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners, but leads to a beautiful, lasting, and fulfilling relationship!
Now, what does strong meaning?
Having a great deal of power, stability, or resilience; capable of withstanding challenges, pressures, or difficulties without weakening or breaking.
In the context of a marriage, a strong relationship is one that is resilient, supportive, and enduring, able to weather life's ups and downs together
What then is marriage?
It is a legally recognized union between a man and a woman, involving a commitment to share their lives, responsibilities, and emotions, typically characterized by love, trust, and mutual support.
Now let us bring the three words together, what does building a strong marriage?
It is the process of creating and nurturing a healthy, fulfilling, and lasting relationship between a man and woman, characterized by mutual love, respect, trust, communication, and commitment, through shared experiences, teamwork, and intentional effort.
Building a strong marriage requires effort, commitment, and dedication from both partners.
Very quickly, let us consider some key elements to help build a strong and healthy marriage.
*1. Communication*
In marriage, open, honest, and respectful communication is essential. You need to listen actively, express yourself clearly, and make time to talk regularly. Schedule regular "us" time to discuss thoughts, feelings, and desires.
For example, you can set a weekly dinner date to catch up and connect.
*2. Trust*
Build and maintain trust by being reliable, transparent, and faithful. Trust fosters a sense of security and strengthens your bond. Be transparent about finances, actions, and intentions.
For example, you can share passwords, discuss spending habits, and maintain open communication.
*3. Emotional Intelligence*
Understand and manage your emotions, as well as empathize with your partner's feelings. Recognize, label, and manage your emotions.
For example, we can say "I'm feeling frustrated right now, can we talk about this later?"
*4. Respect*
Treat each other with kindness, consideration, and respect, even in disagreements. Use kind language, even in disagreements.
For example, you can say "I disagree with your opinion, but I value your perspective."
*5. Compromise and Flexibility*
You need to find common ground and be willing to adjust to changing circumstances. Find middle ground in decision-making.
For example, "I want to travel, but you prefer staying home. Let's compromise on a weekend getaway."
Dear brothers especially, because you want to exercise that masculine..... please be flexible sir
Don't say, she's just a woman, what does she has to say?
If your partner draws your attention to something you aren't doing rightly, try to learn to change for the better sir/ma. *We must grow together*
*6. Intimacy and Connection*
Nurture physical and emotional intimacy through regular date nights, romantic gestures, and meaningful interactions. Regularly schedule date nights and romantic activities.
For example, let's plan a surprise weekend getaway or a candlelit dinner.
Some people will say it is only done in Nollywood. As Christian, it is not a crime if you take your partner on a date to Palatable, Chicken Republic etc. <This message was edited>
*7. Shared Values and Goals*
Align your values, interests, and life goals to create a united vision for your future. Discuss and align your life goals, values, and priorities.
For example: Create a shared vision board or write a joint mission statement.
The scripture says, one will chase a thousand and two will chase *ten thousand*
*8. Support and Encouragement*
Be each other's rock, offering support, encouragement, and celebration of successes. Celebrate each other's successes and offer support during challenges.
For example: Attend each other's important events or offer help with a difficult project.
*9. Conflict Resolution*
Address conflicts constructively, focusing on finding solutions rather than placing blame. Address conflicts constructively, focusing on solutions.
For example, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, which can come across as accusatory.
*10. Laughter and Humor*
Maintain a sense of humor and laugh together often to keep your bond strong and joyful. Regularly schedule fun activities and laugh together.
For example, plan a game night, watch comedies, or try a new adventure together.
*11. Gratitude and Appreciation*
Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for each other and your relationship. Express thanks and appreciation for each other and your relationship.
*THANK YOU* These two words are important as small as they are.
For example, write love notes, surprise each other with small gifts, or share gratitude at dinner time.
*Conclusion*
Let’s take a look at this picture, the more the man and woman get closer to God, the distance between them gets shorter/closer. In other words, when a couple move closer to God, factors that hinders a strong marriage reduces drastically.
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law
Biblical Parenting Principles
Biblical Parenting Principles
By Bankole Adewale
8th September 2024
Bankole Adewale is a father, a husband and a son. He is a graduate of Microbiology and passionately loves wildlife photography.
He chose to carve a niche for himself in the education industry by getting a Post Graduate Diploma in Education and obtained the Cambridge license from CIE and the Canadian license from Rosedale Global High School Ontario.
He is based in Abuja where he teaches Cambridge Advanced Biology and University of Buckingham foundation Biology as well as other Ontario Secondary School Diploma subjects.
have been asked to speak on *Biblical Parenting Principles*
*BIBLICAL PARENTING PRINCIPLES*
It takes more than paying school fees and the provision of food, clothes and shelter to be a parent.
Parenting is a lot more than we do, it is a very serious business that God Himself see that every earthly parents will struggle through. He decided to adopt every one of us into His family including both the parents and their children🙄
Parenting is like completing the assignment of Jesus Christ on earth, starting from where he stopped and finishing it up. And as humans as we are, this huge assignment given to us looks as if has failed from the very set go.
Parenting requires not just your resources but also your time and more. Parenting takes everything from you. It eats deep into every fibre of what you're made up. This is why many parents of today failed because they cannot give their all. Those that give resources are not available to provide the emotional support a child requires while growing, those that provide enough support for a child growth may not have the resources to meet the needs of such child. Some may not even be available but provide more than enough resources.
In the bid to parent the entire earth, God gave the only thing that matters to him- His Only begotten son, so that he can adopt us into his family.
No matter what your profession is, you'll definitely resign from it one day. Parenting is a task with no expiry date or resignation in view. It's a life time, whole life title. <This message was edited>
But parenting is not cheap. You can become a father by mistake or you may have been forced to become a mother but being a *parent is intentional.* You've got to be available and be ready to pay the price of parenting. God gave His only Son to adopt you and I into his big family.
As a parent what is the most important thing that parenting has taken from you?
For me, I had to let go of habits and attitudes that are normal (to me) but perceived to be dangerous to the upbringing of my child.
1. the purchase of designer shoes and wears had to be placed on hold because I had to provide for the family.
2. all the wonderful music I used to love were deleted from my playlist because I cannot let my son grow up singing songs from some very popular secular musicians.
NB: Their songs are good and pleasant but remember that, it is not everything that is good that also gives morals.
3. Declaring a *No-No* on some very dear TV programmes and some channels.
Parenting goes beyond the physical, it is more spiritual and highly recognized by God.
Did you hear from God about that child, did you just get the name from the grandparents or you just looked for a tush name that fits perfectly into the society to give to your child? Remember that God doesn't give a child first before fitting such child into an assignment, he rather identifies an assignment and creates the child to fits into it.
For effective parenting, you have to be
✓ The Apostle
✓ The Prophet
✓ The Evangelist
✓ The Pastor
✓ The Teacher to your children
This is what I have called the 5 Fingers Parenting.
*APOSTOLIC PARENTING*
An Apostle is someone who is on a mission, someone who gives great moral to others. The disciples of Jesus all had to learn under Jesus to be effective in their duties.
As parents, your first mission in life is to give morals to your child(ren). This means that as a parent, you must have moral yourself because you cannot give what you don't have. Regardless of what a child does, apostolic parenting gives spiritual support to the child, prays and ensures that the child does not make mistakes in life.
The growing up process of a child needs the services of an apostle, someone who sees the sense in every nonsense and help unlock every abilities hidden in a child.
Remember, you are just a caretaker parent and you will give account of all that you do with what you have been given- Matthew 25 vs 14-30.
*THE PROPHETIC PARENTING*
A prophet sees ahead of every situation, he can foretell coming events and teaches the word of God.
As a parent, you are expected to see into the future of your children and help them build it. Speak into it until it is fulfilled.
Be careful of the words you say into the lives of your children, you are actually a prophet over them.
Prophetic parenting ensures that your words help sharpened the lives of your children.
Genesis 27 vs 33 NIV;
*.....I ate just before you came and I blessed him and he shall be blessed indeed*
In the above text, Isaac couldn't see himself saying a negative word to Jacob even though he knew that he had just been scammed😁
A certain level of discipline is expected from parents, managing your utterances over your children is a golden rule that must be embraced by all parents. This may not be easy until you see yourself as an apostle over them.
Romans 4 vs 7 ESV;
*as it is written, "I have made you a father of many nations, "in the presence of God, in whom we believed - who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.*
Prophetic parenting equips you to call into existence everything good that is missing in the lives of the children.
Isaiah 9 vs 8 KJV;
*The Lord has sent a word into Jacob and it hath lighted up on Israel*
But who is Jacob and who is Israel? It's the same person but the word of God makes the difference.
Don't keep quiet, keep calling grace, favour, ease and acceleration of destiny fulfilment into the lives of your children
Remember, you're their prophet and you are more than equipped to function.
*EVANGELISTIC PARENTING*
You don't need to be Matthew, Mark, Luke of John to assume the roles of an Evangelist. Parenting has already conferred that role on you.
The primary role of an Evangelist is to share the good news of Christ with others so that the Kingdom of God can be populated and gain (profits) more souls for God.
In the real sense, *Evangelists are the Marketers to the corporate world*, they go out to source for more clients to boost the profits of their organization.
This is why the 3rd (or the middle) finger is denoted as the Evangelist because it is longer than the remaining 4 fingers. It is longer so that it can see what other fingers cannot see.
As parents, you are expected to go beyond your children, see what they cannot see so that you can teach them what they cannot learn in school.
You are expected to prepare the way for them and ensuring that all obstacles are cleared off their paths in life.
We are gradually coming to the end, but I believe you have been blessed beyond what I can teach. I pray that God helps us all as parents 🙏
*PASTORAL PARENTING*
A pastor is someone who oversees a congregation of saints.
In this context, as parents your congregation is the fruit from your union and beyond.
You are expected to lead them in the way of the Lord, provide directions and clarity of purpose and vision.
The implications is that, as parents you should be very clear on all issues of life. A man that looses his way and a monkey that misses his branch, both of them cannot be saved.
Major societal problems come from faulty parenting, when a myopic parent tries to set the path for a child, there bounds to be a collision.
Pastoral parenting doesn't just lead spiritually, but also teaches issues of finances, relationships, career and so much more. Our community would have become better if we all have been given proper pastoral parenting.
NB: Pastoral parenting doesn't make you a pastor. There are many good pastors but bad parents out there. There are wordy pastors with terrible attitudes, I am not saying they are not spiritual, it's just that they lack effective parenting.
Eli was an excellent servant of God, but missed it as a parent. What would you say about Solomon and Jeroboam? What about David and Absalom? What about Abraham and Isaac, Joseph and Jesus, God and Jesus Christ 😊?
We can't exhaust this topic, I just pray that God help you to hear and understand the part of the topic that I cannot say.
*TEACHING PARENTING*
A teacher impart wisdom aand teaches the truth of the word of God. Jesus was described as the great Rabbi. Parents too are expected to be number 1 teacher a child has. You teach morals and upright living
Teach your children in the way of the Lord while making sure they are very useful to themselves and the society.
I believe with this few points of mine 😁😁 plus what God himself will drop in your mind, you have learnt more about effective Parenting.
Service & Ministry as a Couple
Service & Ministry as a Couple
By Emmanuel Olaoluwa Samuel
1st September 2024
We’ll be hearing from God via a Music Maestro, also known as Firstsaam, is a music Minister. He is a native of Ogun State. He studied music at a professional level at MUSON with Grade 4.
He furthered his educational career at Ogun State Institute of Technology (Ogitech) with HND in Accounting. He is an ordained minister in the Redeemed Christian Church of God where he is currently the Assistant Music Director of RCCG Lagos Province 72. He is married and blessed with children.
The Topic before me tonight says: Service & ministry as a Couple...
There are 3powerful words that make up this topic...
Service
Ministry
Couple..
This three words one cannot talk about them in an hour, let alone putting them together... But will help us tonight..
SERVICE: Is the state of serving or being at someone's command, position in a household,
MINISTRY: Simply means office of duties to function as commanded. It can also mean an ordained persons to perform clerical functions in the Christian church
While Couple mean two persons married.
Therefore we can say that Service & ministry as a couple is the act doing the mind of God together whether convenient or not.
There must be a CALLING from God, before service & ministry as a couple can work smoothly... otherwise everything will be a joke.
When God calls,it does not necessarily means that we drop everything we are doing (I mean our job),if we do so, there will be chaos.. Remember you are not alone in the ministry. Both of you have to agree together at every new level you gets to.
There are Steps into Ministry as couples.
Before we go into these steps, remember some people has gone ahead of you, therefore it is advisable to have a mentor.
Acts 18:26-27
He began to speak boldly in the synagogue, but when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately.
Aquila and Priscilla are one of the well-known married ministry partners in the Bible. If you and your spouse are looking to step into ministry, this couple has some great wisdom for you.
Some people will say ,since God has called us we need to stop every other work we are doing, no it doesn't work that way ,it will be a gradual process.... for instance Aquila was a tentmaker, and Paul was too! They crossed paths as the two were settling in at Corinth. Aquila was on the move because politics had pushed him from one town to another. Paul was on the move with his missionary journeys. The two teamed up for work and then later for ministry.
Now let's go onto the Steps....
How to start a couples ministry?
1.Begin with prayer.
2.Develop your vision in ministry together.
3.Identify and recruit leaders.(Mentors).
4.Ask questions to gather more information/facts about the ministry body.
5.Develop a plan.
Financial Stewardship in Relationships
Financial Stewardship in Relationships
By Moses Mandela Alalade
24th August 2024
Our guest speaker is a financial expert
He is a Christian, a certified Banker and a Human Resource Manager.
With Jesus Joy, welcome our guest speaker for tonight 🎉
I am privilege to enlighten us a bit on this topic Financial Stewardship in Relationships. But before we take everything all together let break it for a more indepth definition of the topic
Financial: means relating to or involving money
stewardship: the conducting, supervising, or managing of something. especially, the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care. stewardship of natural resources
Relationship: the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.
Financial Stewardship in Relationships: 👀
Financial stewardship: includes spending resources wisely. Resources include time, money, people, and property. Financial consequences are evaluated before existing activities are changed or eliminated and new activities begin.
Kindly note that the teaching is quite broad and for the purpose of the evening, I will narrow down my teaching on people in courtship and married couples.
God’s Word challenges us to consider whether two people can walk together unless they are in agreement (Amos 3:3). One of the more obvious areas is with money matters.
The Word also states that getting by with less financially speaking, is better than having a lot of wealth and fighting all the time.
Money matters can be a real source of contention if couples do not understand and apply God’s timeless truth to their financial situations. Couples must be united because money matters are:
Urgent – his or her debt may already exist and bills may have started before the wedding.
Vital – earning and spending money is an important life function.
Ongoing – couples deal with financial stewardship throughout their lives.
Eternal – they will reap the rewards of their stewardship forever.
There was something that happened at my work place just of recent.
The husband is quite rich and he runs his account with us as a bank.
He thought of it to include his wife as a signatory to his account
And just of recent they had a misunderstanding and the wife transferred all the money from the account to her own account.
And other one also. The husband took the wife's ATM card and withdrawn her money because he believed her money is his money.
Money problems frequently occur in marriage because the husband and the wife have different
personalities, family backgrounds, and life experiences.
Communicating about these differences can help you avoid misunderstandings with your spouse.
The extremes of these views are listed below:
Stewardship examples: good and faithful stewards vs. poor stewards.
Training: actively taught biblical principles/practices vs. unknowingly taught poor attitudes/examples.
Lifestyles: living very modestly vs. living extravagantly.
Family work ethics: extreme overworking vs. slothful, barely working at all.
Financial status: parents are quite wealthy vs. parents are quite poor.
Saving practices: idolatrous hoarding vs. no savings at all.
Borrowing beliefs: always wrong to borrow vs. borrow as much as possible.
Giving practices: generous, regular, cheerful givers vs. stingy, irregular, resentful non-givers.
Spending habits: overly cautious vs. impulsive, overspending.
To be realistic and talking from experience IT IS POSSIBLE TO OWN A JOINT ACCOUNT AS COUPLES
Try as much as possible to communicate with your selves in courtship and in marriage.
Through this communication you'd open your ears and mind. Don't be blinded with love.
Understand and assign the differing financial roles and responsibilities.
Setting family financial goals along with establishing, balancing, and evaluating the budget should be done together.
Making major purchases should be done with mutual agreement.
Managing and tracking the family finances and paying bills should be done within a shared marital context.
Regardless of who assumes this role, couples should be in agreement regarding bank accounts, investments, priorities, etc.
Discuss the need for being adequate insurance, including, health, life, auto, home and insurance.
Carrying appropriate insurance coverage is prudent and part of Godly stewardship. Failure to do so can put undue hardship on family, creditors, and others. We are instructed in God’s Word to be prepared to pay the bills we owe (Ecc. 5:4-6).
I no a couple who has been married for years more than 20 years.
From onset they agreed on opening an account jointly signed for there four children and they credit the account 10k each every month which is for the four of them 40k every month.
Believe me they didn't touch it not until they were in serious need of it.
And now all of there children are done with tertiary institution fully funded with there agreed contributions more than 20years ago.
Stewardship
Luke 16:11, “If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteousness mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”.
The handling of money and possessions is closely aligned to how we live our spiritual lives.
If we handle money in accordance with the scriptural principles of stewardship, we will also grow closer to Christ.
This principle is shown clearly in the parable of the talents (Matt. 25:14-30).
The master says, “well done” and “enter thou into the joy of thy lord” to the servant who faithfully handled the money that had been entrusted to him.
In a later verse, the same servant who had amassed ten talents from five originally given receives yet another from the servant who hid his money.
Thus, the handling of money may be an important indicator of our spiritual condition.
Financial Stewardship in Relationships is possible and its board down to contentment and the zeal to having a prosperous marital life
Be content with such things as you have, for life is more important than possessions, and marital love and peace are far better than material wealth. (Luke 12:15)
And it's can work by applying this logic below;
Speak the truth in love to edify one another and minister grace through your communication, especially when discussing the bills, budgeting, and determining your financial priorities. (Eph. 4:15-29)
SEXUALITY AND PURITY
SEXUALITY AND PURITY
By Mr Gyang Daniel Weng
18th August 2024
The topic before us is *SEXUALITY AND PURITY*
Sexual purity simply means to be pure, decent and uncontaminated in thought, action and deed
We live in an era where we're taught that this is the Grace dispensation It is sad how many Christians abuse this Grace and commit all manner impure things
Our anchor scripture is
*[[Pro 6:27]] KJV* Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
If we know how weighty are the requirements under Grace, we will learn not to abuse it. Under the law, they were told not to commit immorality but under Grace, just thinking of it act or lusting after the opposite sex, it is sin
Back to our key scripture. If we know how costly it is to be sexually impure, we will run away from sexual impurity
Let me say this *NO SEX WITH ANOTHER PERSON LEAVES YOU THE SAME*
No matter how brief you think it is, it has effect on you both spiritually and physically. It is very sad some people now result to sex toys 😃 Are you aware that has led to the death of some persons and has opened a pathway for demons to poses some
Tonight, we will be trusting God to help us see how we can maintain sexual purity. Maybe you have lost it and gone astray, the waiting arms of the Father are open to receive you
The power of sin is in its secrecy
*HOW TO MAINTAIN SEXUAL PURITY
1. Know yourself: when we say know yourself, it means know what triggers you sexually
Last week, a lady called me on phone and was crying profusely. I asked what happened and she said she touched herself inappropriately. I asked her did you watch porn or pornographic images? She said yes and was still crying
Just me, I use her catch cruise 😃 I later told her to know herself and what triggers such act. She felt good after we spoke and she promised it won't happen again
2. Have an accountability partner: like I said earlier, the power of sin is in its secrecy. Have someone you can always report yourself to when faced with such issues. God created us as dependent beings and so you can succeed as a loner
I was listening to Apostle Femi Lazarus and he said he told his wife if she ever sees anything wrong with him, she should call his spiritual father and report. Be careful if you have no one who can call you to order when you start going astray. It means you are a disaster waiting to happen someday but that will not be our portion in Jesus name
3. Have boundaries: please, this is very important
Some guys have mastered the act of seduction and if you don't set clear boundaries, you might be saying stop and he is still going on with whatever he wants to do with you
Set boundaries at work, school, business premises and everywhere. Some guys will tell you when a lady says no, she means yes and this is because there is no boundary. Please set boundaries even in that relationship
One lie that is flying and making ways is *COHABITATION*. From our text, we can clearly see that it is difficult to cohabit and not be intimate
*[[Pro 6:28]] KJV* Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
If you know that you are very sensitive to touch especially from the opposite sex, set boundaries ooo
4. Depend on the Holy Spirit: no matter how you try to be brave, set boundaries and all, you still need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to navigate through these. You can be very principled and well groomed but everyone has a *mumu bottom* 😃
In all the mechanism you put in place to stay pure, let the Holy Spirit lead you and you can't go wrong.
Understanding and Embracing Singleness
Understanding and Embracing Singleness
By Mr Abiodun Salami
11th August 2024
Topic: Understanding and embracing singleness
John. 12. [24] Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth _alone_: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.
Another Version
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds
Note: There can be no abundance without a seed (Healthy one) being single first.
(Matt.19:11-12)
“Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 New International Version (NIV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
Deuteronomy 32:30
One would have chased a thousand and two would have put ten thousand to flight
Note:
From Eccl and Deuteronomy - There can be no two without a one. There can be no abundance without first having a purpose driven single life
Let us see another which is a bit controversial... Hope
1 Corinthians 7:27-28,38
“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But, if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that…so then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
What is the Apostle Paul saying here?
Paul is saying that being married and being single are good conditions to be in. But, marriage is not always easy, “those who marry will have worldly trouble, and I would spare you that.” If you’re single, there can be a strong tendency to think, “If only I were married, my life would be so much better…” The truth is: not necessarily. There is no question that marriage is a great gift from God, but it can be terrible if you enter it with unrealistic expectations. Though they don’t say this out loud, many singles think, “Marriage will save me from my insignificance, loneliness, fears…” But, this is important, marriage is not your hope for a better life and future.
Most of us have married because of wrong reasons actually
Few hurriedly bypassed that very important level... Singleness
A very vital developmental stage to a successful marital life.
Marriage...
It’s not. Yet, it is a great gift – and something God desires for most of us – but, it will bring difficulties and conflict. That’s what Paul is saying here. Every time 2 sinners say “I do” things get difficult. There is added conflict, responsibilities, expectations, complexity, layers of communication, differences in personal temperaments, family history and more.
Is marriage bad/good, it is just an inadequate savior. Many make idol an idol of interdependence: fix my life, joy, identity, worth. If your heaven is marriage and your hell is singleness, then boy/girlfriend will be functional savior. The result is that you’ll constantly be throwing yourself at any potential spouse, whether a good choice or not. Or, depressed when you don’t find anyone to throw yourself at
Often, many overreact against interdependence and instead seek independence. Here, heaven is viewed as independence (a state of no strings, just freedom to do what you want, when you want) and hell, therefore, is interdependence. Thus, in this case, singleness becomes functional savior. But, nobody wants to be alone, so you end up with endless dating relationships with no destination filled with at least one person who idolizes independence while also wanting the perks of being in relationship, albeit non-committal.
I have come to realize something after I trade my singleness
Jesus is only one that can give us the ultimate joy, worth, identity, peace, satisfaction we’re looking for. There is a Real Marriage that our souls need. Even the best marriage cannot, by itself, fill void in soul left by God without a deeply fulfilling relationship with Jesus Christ.
What is singleness?
The gift of singleness is the state of being single. If you are currently single, you are experiencing the gift of singleness. Singleness is an opportunity to grow multi-dimensionally rather than a burden.
Being single doesn’t mean loneliness; it means you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve.” – Anonymous
This anonymous quote challenges the assumption that being single implies loneliness or a lack of worth. Instead, it reframes singleness as a testament to one’s strength and self-worth.
“Singleness is not a curse but an opportunity for personal freedom and independence.
Forms of singleness
Alone (singleness) before marriage
Alone (singleness) after marriage
Alone (singleness) despite being married
But we stay on 1 and applicable to 2 & 3
Types of singleness
There are four types of singles:
Voluntary temporary singles
voluntary stable singles,
involuntary temporary singles
Involuntary stable singles.
Voluntary temporary singles are unmarried and have delayed marriage to pursue education or a career.
Voluntary stable singles are unmarried and desire a single lifestyle.
Involuntary temporary singles are actively seeking a mate but are unable to find one
Involuntary stable singles are unmarried adults who expect to be single but don't want to be
THE PURPOSE OF GOD IN SINGLENESS
Discovering your purpose and living a focused life is one of the great benefits of life
1. It is a gift – With the background of the OT, Paul makes a surprising statement in 1 Cor 7, “I would that ye even be as I am”.
Even when we bare in mind the background of persecution that had already commenced and would intensify as Paul knew only too well, that would lead to great difficulties and heartaches for those with families, even with an awareness of that, this is an unexpected statement. “It is good for a man not to marry”.
Even though marriage is God’s natural way, in the new covenant era with the redemptive work of Messiah now behind us, to be enabled to sacrifice marriage for the furtherance of the gospel is something God honours. If we cannot contain our lusts however, and there is opportunity to marry in the Lord, then marriage is honourable and right. But if one has the gift of singleness, they should feel no shame in that regard, and Paul highlights advantages of singleness.
2. It is a calling – It is a gift to be used to the glory of God. Singleness, divorced, never married, should see their lives as a calling, even if it’s a temporary state. It is not a mistake. We do not believe in mistakes. The season of singleness, for however long it may last, is from the Lord.
This calling is not an opposite, but an alternative. People see marriage and singleness as opposites, but they’re not. Co- habitation is opposite.
When people want the benefits of marriage without the commitment. And such is adultery and not honourable at all. But singleness is not sinful.
3. It has benefits – Marriage often restricts the ability to have meaningful relationships outside of your home. It takes a lot of time to serve our families, and that’s right. But single people have not the same restrictions.
The gospel of message can be promoted through singleness:
a) the family of god grows not by procreation but by regeneration
b) relationships in Christ are more permanent than relationships in families
c) marriage is temporary and finally gives way to Christ and the Church
No man dies and travels to the eternal with his/her family.... Multitude may die same time but they go to the great beyond ALONE. God recognizes singleness before and after death
How to Thrive as a Single Person
1 Take this time to get to know yourself better.
Take this time to get to know yourself better. Developing a stronger sense of who you are will help you feel happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of your relationship status. It will also make you better, able to identify people you'd truly be compatible with if you choose to enter into a relationship again later. As licensed psychotherapist Kelli Miller explains, “you really have to love yourself first and foremost” in order to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship in the future.
Try starting a journal to explore your thoughts, emotions, and desires. This cathartic experience can help you understand yourself better and realize what it is you want out of life.
Being single is the time to deepen your relationship with yourself. Figure out the things that bring you joy, and imagine you’ve been given an unlimited personal retreat! Befriending yourself during this time will only increase your potential for love.
2. Your season of being single is an excellent time to grow your relationship with God. Since no one else is competing for your attention when you are alone, you can dedicate that time to loving and worshiping God in new ways. Read books on prayer and spiritual growth or listen to the audio versions. They will help you develop your relationship with God in ways you may have never considered before.
Rather than desperately longing for a romantic connection, you can earnestly seek God and thirst for his loving presence. If your season of singleness feels dry, God will give you living water, so your thirst is fully quenched
(John 4:13-14).
3. Use it as a healing time.
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. – Psalm 30:2
Perhaps you are in a season of singleness against your will. You may have endured a painful breakup from a dating
3 Focus on becoming the best version of you.
Focus on becoming the best version of you. Being single is the perfect time to work on your mental and physical health, so that you can feel your best. Work out, grow a garden, go to therapy—whatever your heart desires! This time could end up being incredibly restful, restorative, and nourishing for your body and mind.
Practicing mindfulness is a great way to promote a stress-free, peaceful lifestyle while being single. It’s also associated with lower stress and anxiety levels.
Exercising regularly can also help you live your healthiest single life. It reduces health risks, promotes better sleep, and boosts your mood.
4 Encourage yourself.
Encourage yourself. Reciting positive daily affirmations can help you boost your self-esteem and feel happier ay by day. Take a few moments every day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something kind and encouraging. You can either say something that you believe about yourself, or something that you would like to believe about yourself. Some examples of positive affirmations include:
“I am intelligent.”
“I am a caring friend.”
“People enjoy spending time with me.”
5 Try to think positively.
Try to think positively.
According to psychotherapist Kelli Miller, “looking at all the positives” of single life can help you feel much happier. Practicing optimism will help you to stay focused on the good in your situation and stop dwelling on things you aren’t as happy with. Try reframing. This involves shifting your perspective to focus on the positive in a situation, rather than the negative, which can help you manage difficult emotions.
For example, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of being single, try to remind yourself of the benefits, such as having the freedom to choose how you spend your free time.
Consider keeping a gratitude diary. Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down. Doing this every day will help you to develop a more positive outlook over time and it can even help you to sleep better and enjoy better health.
6 Spend extra time on your hobbies, or try out some new ones.
Spend extra time on your hobbies, or try out some new ones. Maybe you’ve always loved writing songs but you haven’t picked up your guitar and your pen for a while. Or, maybe you’ve always wanted to train for a marathon or study more (certifications), but you’ve never had the time. Now is your chance! Embrace this chance to do something fun and follow your interests.
You have the freedom to spend your time doing anything you’d like! Learn an instrument, join a tap class, grow a garden, write a novel, cook some gourmet meals—whatever you've wanted to do, do it now.
Trying something new can also lead to new skills, new friendships, and increased self-esteem, which will further improve your quality of life as a single person.
7 Practice self-care and treat yourself.
Practice self-care and treat yourself. It is important to maintain a positive self-image while you’re single. Buy yourself a new outfit, get your nails done, treat yourself to a spa day, or get a massage. You are a strong, independent person who deserves the best. So give it to yourself! Try taking yourself out on a date. If there’s an amazing new restaurant in town that you’ve been dying to try, make yourself a reservation. If there’s a new movie coming out that you can’t wait to see, get yourself a ticket. You don’t need to wait for a partner to do the fun things you’ve been hoping to do. Treat yourself to a fun date night—you deserve it!
8 Surround yourself with supportive people.
Whether you’ve found yourself in the middle of a dating cold streak or recently got out of a serious relationship, spending too much time alone can have a negative effect on your mood and emotions. Try to make plans with friends and family members to remind yourself of all the love in your life. Remember, being single doesn’t mean being alone.
You have a whole network of support, and it’s okay to lean on them! Remind yourself that it’s not a weakness to lean on others. Strong social relationships are actually essential to emotional well-being and physical health. This social connection can come from any number of people in your life, not just a significant other. It could be a friend, teammate, parent, coworker, or sibling.
Be careful of what they say and what you hear... Watch out for MIRAGES
9 Ignore media depictions of happy couples.
Ignore media depictions of happy couples. Part of the reason some single people may feel unhappy is the constant media depictions reinforcing the idea that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. Try your best to remind yourself that this isn't true. It’s absolutely possible to feel fulfilled as a single person. The decision of whether or not to be in a relationship is a deeply personal one, and some people actually feel happier when they’re single. Avoid any social media posts, romantic comedies, or magazines that reinforce the idea that being single is bleak and being in a relationship is bliss.
Instead, focus on how you’re actually feeling. Do you enjoy the freedom of the single life? Are you happy to have extra time to follow your own interests? Remind yourself that media depictions of singleness are not always relatable or accurate either.
For example, depictions of single women may be troubling because they are often idealized (a superwoman who has it all) or villainous (a sad lonely woman who has nothing).
Neither of these depictions are realistic, so do your best to recognize them as false representations of what it’s like to be single.
The Benefits of Single Life
1. Single life may actually be good for your health.
Being single is associated with a decreased risk of adverse health effects from dysfunctional marriages and toxic relationships. According to some studies, bad relationships can increase your risk of anxiety, depression, stress, or even heart disease. Singles, on the other hand, tend to go to the gym more, eat better, and have lower stress levels. Single people tend to weigh less than people who are in a relationship. Studies have linked weight gain with marriage and weight loss with break-ups and divorce.
2. Single people also tend to get more sleep and better quality sleep than people who share a bed with a partner.
Single women may also have better mental health than married women, especially married women who have children. Step 2 Being single allows you the freedom to spend your time how you want.
Being single allows you the freedom to spend your time how you want.
When you’re in a relationship, you need to factor in the needs and desires of your partner. Sometimes you have to do things that you don’t enjoy that much in order to keep your partner happy. When you’re single, on the other hand, you can spend your time however you want. You don’t need to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself. This means you have more time for your hobbies, personal interests, career, friends, family members, and overall well-being. This freedom is a precious thing, so feel free to enjoy it!
Say, for example, that you’re in a relationship with someone who absolutely loves hiking and wants to spend every Sunday on super long hikes.
You may agree to do this to make your partner happy, when you actually would actually prefer to spend your Sunday bike riding, reading, or practicing self-care.
When you’re single, your days are completely free to fill in whichever way you choose.
Try to see this as a blessing and a luxury!
3 Being single can have financial benefits.
Being single can have financial benefits. When you’re in a relationship, you may have to deal with a spouse who is irresponsible with money, which causes financial problems for you too. Common relationship expenses like going on dates and buying anniversary gifts can also be tough on your wallet. When you’re single, however, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s spending and saving habits. You also don’t have to spend so much on date nights or gifts. Instead, you can use the money you earn however you want to! Treat yourself to something special to remind yourself of the benefits of being in charge of your own finances.
4 Being single allows ample time to nurture your friendships.
Being single allows ample time to nurture your friendships.
When you’re in a relationship, it can be much harder to be social because your partner consumes a lot of your time and affection. But when you’re single, you have more time to devote to your friends, and to go out and meet new people. If you’re feeling down for being single, try to remind yourself of this freedom! Work on the relationships you care most about, and build yourself a strong support network. Spend time with your loved ones and try to appreciate the fact that you have this time to connect with them.
Parenting and Family Dynamics
Parenting and Family Dynamics
By Mr Abiodun Salami
3rd August 2024
Our facilitator is a wonderful friend, brother and man of God who is full of the Spirit. I have always been blessed hearing him speak in the simplicity and power of the Spirit
Abiodun Salami is a Network Operations Center Engineer with over 15 years experience in the computer hardware industry, computer network and as IT Consultant.
He currently works as a Network Operator Center Engineer at IPI Nigeria, a subsidiary of IHS Nigeria. He is also a teacher, prolific public speaker and seasoned child of God. He is married with children.
Topic: Parenting and Family Dynamics
Bible Text: Psalm 127:3, Prov 22:6, Deut 6: 5-9
I want us to know that everything starts with God and ends with God
Our bible verses
Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Prov 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it
Deut 6: 5-9
5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
*Introduction*
One of the greatest challenge in the world and of the world is PARENTING. It is the greatest trust that has been given to human beings by God. Being a father or a mother is not only a great challenge, it is a divine calling. It is a ministry that can either give one a green card to paradise or to hell (Ask Eli - 1Sam. 4)
When you parent well, God nods and say "Weldone my son/daughter"... I guess we know what that means...?
It is not everyone who discusses the subject matter that is parenting well. On this subject there are about as many opinions as there are parents, yet there are few who claim to have all of the answers. I am certainly not one of them.
PARENT
Who is a parent?
Literal meaning is a father and a mother. Broader meaning may be a person who gives birth to or raises a child.
PARENTING
What is parenting?
The process of raising a child from birth to independent adulthood
- Facilitating the upbringing of a child through all stages of development
- Caring for and nurturing a child
- Fulfilling the parental responsibilities that accompany child-raising
- The act of caring for a child rather than the biological connection to a child
- Establishing a healthy environment as the child grows—taking actions to ensure social development and education that aligns with your values
- Providing a financially stable home life (note: this is not the same as being wealthy)
- Adjusting to the changing needs of a child as they grow and develop
Note: infanthood to adulthood i.e until they're independent
Parenting is a responsibility
You should not be pregnant when you're not ready to parent.
Parenting, in a nutshell, is the act of caring for a child and taking on the role of being a parent. This can come in many different forms, and lots of parents have their own strategic style. The main responsibility that parents face is meeting the needs of their child from the time they are born, into adulthood
Parenting can look different for different individuals and often depends on the overall family dynamic.
What Is Family Dynamics?
Family dynamics is a term used to describe how family members interact with one another. The dynamics of a system are the rules that govern individual behaviors within the system. These can vary greatly from family to family.
The goal in understanding your own dynamic is not only so you understand what’s happening between yourself and other people but also so you know why it happens this way—you’ll be better equipped to change things if they need changing!
The Responsibilities Of A Parent
Now that you know a bit about the basics that answer the question ‘what is parenting?’, it’s time to go a bit deeper! The responsibilities of a parent are listed below though not limited to them.
- Nurturing a child so that they can grow
- Tuning in to what their child needs and providing these things
- Teaching their child basic social, emotional and cognitive skills
- Providing shelter, food and basic sanitation for their child
- Protecting their child from harm
- Naming their child
Note:
- A real parent is someone who puts their kids above their own selfish wants or needs.
- Anyone can have a child and call themselves "a parent" but a real parent is/are known by their actions
- Being a parent is not about one or two big things or moments but about doing million little things for them.
- The single most important thing you can do as a parent is to serve as a role model for your children. If you want them to have integrity, compassion and civic-mindedness, tell the truth, work hard, keep their temper, and value family, then that’s exactly what you need to do yourself
Types Of Parents
When we talk about different types of parents, we’re referring to the set up or family that take on this parenting role. Though some people might not define one or two strictly as parenting, but the role and responsibilities are much the same
1. Co-parenting: When a mother and father collaboratively work to bring up their child/children.
2. Single parenting: When either a mother or father solely take on the role of being a parent.
3. Adoptive parenting: When an adult, or two, who aren’t biologically related to their child, becomes their adoptive parent through adoption.
Foster care: When one or two adults stand in as parental figures for children who, often, have been in a children’s care home. This can be either short or long term, and they take on the usual parenting responsibilities.
4. Kinship care: When a member of a child’s extended family (such as aunts, uncles, or grandparents) take over parenting responsibilities from biological parents who, for whatever reason, might not be able to care for the child.
All of these different types of parenting are equal to one another and reflect how a family unit can alter the form that the parenting role can take
Note:
Care-giving is the act of assuming the main responsibilities for someone who cannot provide all basic needs for oneself. Examples might include a parent, day care provider, trained professional, or family member. Since parenting is a process, care-giving, though not included but cannot be overlooked
*LET US CONSIDER THIS PRACTICAL ISSUE*
Is the real parent the birth parent or the adoptive parent?
The one that does the work should get the glory.
My mum was my mum. She was an incredible mum and if I do half as good a job of raising my children I will go to my grave content.
I didn’t grow in her womb but tbh I can’t remember being in anyone else’s womb either.
I had a biological birth giver. A woman whom I assume was not in the best place to raise a child or who for whatever reason had zero interest in ever being a mother.
She is not my mum.
This was my mum.
The woman that loved me so fiercely even at the times I could not love myself.
The woman that never ever once gave up in her belief in me.
The woman who has never lied to me or betrayed me.
The woman who asked for me to lie next to her as she slipped into her final unconsciousness murmuring “I do love you, so very much”
The woman who held me, rocked me, walked countless floorboards in the middle of the night with me.
The woman that made me crazy birthday cakes and hosted a formal dinner party for my birthday when I was 7 because I thought it sounded so glamorous.
The woman my friends turned to. The woman I called mum. She earned her name and I miss her desperately.
TYPES OF PARENTING STYLES
The four major types of parenting styles include authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting, permissive parenting, and uninvolved parenting style, all of which utilize a unique approach to raising children.
Different Approaches To Parenting
You know a bit about different types of parents, so now it’s time to explore the various approaches that are used while parenting! There are often thought to be four main approaches to parenting. They are as follows:
Authoritative Parenting: (Prov.23: 15-16; 19) - This style of parenting can be traced to King Solomon. He instructed, counseled, loved and guided his children. This is possibly the most ‘ideal’ parenting style, as it involves supportive parents who are emotionally available but still set limits when they are needed. They are firm but fair and communicate their expectations, explaining why certain behaviours are seen as negative and others as positive. This parenting style involves a close nurturing relationship between parents and children, in which parents motivate verbal engagements, indulge in disciplinary actions but also explain the rationale behind them, and employ efficient practices to reinforce appropriate behavior.
Authoritarian parenting is generally known as being quite strict. It’s often seen as a way of parenting that’s not usually successful, as setting high expectations without providing explanations can elicit unwanted behaviour from children. This parenting style is characterized by a one-way mode of communication in which the parents establish strict rules that the child is expected to follow. Failure to adhere to these rules usually leads to punishment, as there is little to no scope for flexibility. Parent here are overly- strict and will use anger, yelling, threats, and harsh discipline to keep control.
Permissive Parenting: (1Sam. 2:12, 23-24, 17: 29-30) - The story of Eli prove that even pastors may not parent well. You could say that this style of parenting is the exact opposite of authoritarian parenting. Children are often allowed to take the reigns far more than other parenting styles allow, meaning that the demands from the parents are far lower than those from the child. In permissive parenting, the parents are usually warm and nurturing, and have no expectations from their children, which leads to the rare use of discipline. Parents who employ this style tend to be extremely affirmative toward the child’s desires and actions, and children are also consulted in important family decisions. Finally, the uninvolved parenting style is considered to be the most detrimental form of parenting, in which parents fail to monitor the behavior of their children and are also unresponsive to most of their needs (Baumrind et al., 2010)
Neglectful/uninvolved Parenting: (1Kings 1:5-6) - It shows David's refusal to discipline his son Adonijah when he erred and even Absalom for killing his brother Amnon after raping his sister Tamar. This is a type of parenting we wish wasn’t on this list and certainly should not be pursued. Neglectful parenting involves a distant indifference towards the child by a parent, resulting in children lacking what they fundamentally need. An uninvolved parent usually produces very unhappy children who are the least ready to deal with the pressures of life.
As I round up... We must be intentional about parenting... I advice we shouldn't start what we cannot finish.
Remember, for we can do nothing without God. We need God... We need God... if we can parent well, we will have a better planet
God is counting on you and I to change the status quo... I trust we can make God happy by bringing up godly children. If you are willing... God will help you in Jesus name.
Remember:
Prov 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it
Let me add:
You will have peace when you train them the way of the Lord
Guidance and Support Services for Coping with Marital Delays
Guidance and Support Services for Coping with Marital Delays
By Nihinlola Eunice Olowe
13th July 2024
Delay is pain. You keep hoping and when it seems it would happen, you are back to square one
Many have ended their lives due to marital delays
When I say marital delays, it includes but not limited to
👍 Delay in marriage
👍 Delay in Birth
👍 Delay in finances
This delays are fueled by pressure and this pressure are due to expectations from yourself, your family and people who care and don't care about you and unspoken expectations from the society. A client told me recently that she has no opinion about anything anywhere either at work or with her neighbor. She can't even spread her cloth in peace because they say it to her face that she is barren due to her behavior
That's torture
I remember recently an old friend who has been married for years and blessed with children was in my office, and she asked me, What are you doing about marriage, When are we eating rice?
I did not like how I felt about the question even though it was out of care
I'm not particularly pressured by anyone including myself but it dawned on me, people are already seeing my singleness as delay
Nobody wants or like delay
I have seen people get married early and they try getting pregnant and it's not happening for them
One of my biggest testimony this week was a client of mine who has been married for 7 years, she married at 26, done IVF 5 times and it failed 5 times, got pregnant on her 6th IVF. Her husband as left to the journey and she was paying for the IVF, she had fears because she is almost like 10% to loosing the man to the street
But she got pregnant
Delay is hard
Whether you are going through it or someone close to you is going through it, we need to own that fact that delay is hard
How do we then cope with delay?
Obviously, you don't know when the delay would be over
How do you cope?
✅Trust in God’s Timing
- Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Ecclesiastes 3:11
[11]Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
I posted the full scripture because it makes sense
You can't see the whole scope of God's work, no matter how you try
Ditch human timing and trust God's timing. The Holy Spirit told me this on Thursday and it's so enlightening
Ps 100:3
God is the one who made you, why are you redefining your journey based on human standards? Proverbs 3:5-6
[5]Trust in the lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
[6]Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Another way to cope is:
👍 Investing in Personal Growth and Preparation:
Delay makes us desperate trust me. So many people going through delay have ventured into some path spiritually or physically that they don't know how to get out. The time for going to pillar to pillar, invest it in yourself
Do you know why?
It doesn't exactly trust me because at night, it will come to big you 😂Delay is not something you can escape from. I love the statement - it increases your value
When you get married or have the children or the money you want so desperately? What's next? How do you manage them so you don't fail at it? You can't give what you don't have and you can't fake it too long
For every next level of your life, you need to adequately prepare for it ahead so you don't mess it up
God can give but you can ruin it. The book of Proverbs was not joking when it stated that the wise woman builds her home and the foolish scattered hers
Same for me not just woman
Every phase of your life comes with big responsibility, don't sob in your delay, spend that time on personal growth and preparation. More specifically for the married, how do you cope with delay?
📍Communication and Unity:
Ephesians 4:2-3 - "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
Ephesians 4:2-3
[2]Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
[3]Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
Delay can break your home
Always openly communicate about your feelings respectfully to each other
Your ego and lack of vulnerability will make waiting period hard and keep you and your partner alot more apart . And when there is a broken wall, anything can happen
Either of the partner might try a short cut that will ruin the whole marriage
📍 Seek Support
Being secretive about a problem doesn't exactly help in most case
Galatians 6:2
[2]Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
Not everyone is after your life, talk to someone you feel safe with
Don't be stingy about paying for therapy, the help is worth more than the pay
📍Prayer and Fasting:
This is hard but life is spiritual, so be spiritual
Pray like your life depends on it
Channel your frustration to the place of prayer
Worry and anxiety would increase your cortisol (stress hormones) which in turn might cause you some health risk
Philippians 4:6-7
[6]Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
[7]Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Finally
📍 Socialize and do some good deeds.
One thing delay does is to pull us away from people
When you isolate yourself you are at risk of depression
Hangout, meet people, do something fun and impactful, visit orphanages, help the needy, etc
Hebrews 10:24-25
[24]Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
[25]And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
Go to church
Not Everytime online service, not helpful for your mental health
My greatest desire is that this message impacts and push you to make a change in Jesus Name
Biblical Perspectives on Gender Roles
Biblical Perspectives on Gender Roles
By Dr Tosin Agbanimu
6th July 2024
We would start by looking at the key words in our theme
When we talk about *Gender Roles* it simply means what is expected of us. the socially, culturally, and behavioural expectations associated with being male or female.
These roles are often shaped by societal norms, traditions, and religious beliefs, we are looking at the biblical perspectives on gender roles,
This topic is quite important because it works towards how we can be responsible and live our life without not putting the opposite gender into position of prayers for you
Our reflection on the Bible’s teaching about what role does a man need to play not only in the society but as husband and likewise for the woman reached a new departure in late modernity, especially in the wake of the sexual revolution in the West. Feminism combined with expressive individualism has totally reordered the way many people think about what male and female should do or not do.
Let me make it clear that men and women are created in the image of God and have equal value and dignity before God
If we read Genesis 1:27-28
It's clear that men and women were created with equal value, standing, blessing and participation in the promises of God
But when it comes to marriage, while they are to build a family together, cooperate have mutual respect and all, there are differences in the roles they naturally play. Both men and women are given the mandate to rule over creation (Genesis 1:28), indicating shared responsibility and authority.
There is no hint of hierarchy or superiority/inferiority in creation. Men and women are created simultaneously, and their roles are not defined as superior or subordinate.
God referred to the woman as helper not in the sense of servant or a subordinate.
Galatians 3:28 declares, "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
This highlights the fundamental equality and shared responsibility of men and women in God's design,
However, the Bible went further to explain the role of the men and women in marriage, so firstly, I would be starting with.
Role of men in marriage from a biblical perspective:
The main responsibility of the man is summed up in three words: “Love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25).
This further sums up to say he who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
So we love ourselves enough to provide our needs, to care for ourselves, to nourish ourselves to invest in our growth and development biblical it should also be for men and women who see themselves as one in marriage
While men naturally want to be providers specifically financially for the home, women also are naturally a caregiver for the home...At this point they are providing one service or the other both themed as providers.
Because of our time, I would try and sum this together Biblical roles of men and women in marriage;
*Mutual Roles:*
- Submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21)
- Love and respect each other (Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7)
- Forgiving each other (Colossians 3:13, Matthew 18:21-35)
- Praying together and seeking God's guidance (Matthew 18:19, 1 Corinthians 7:5)
- Build each other up in faith (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25)
*Husbands' Roles:*
- Love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-26)
- Be the spiritual leader and head of the household (Ephesians 5:22-23, 1 Corinthians 11:3)
- Provide for and protect their families (1 Timothy 5:8, Psalm 127:1-5)
- Be gentle, patient, and understanding (1 Peter 3:7, Colossians 3:19)
*Wives' Roles:*
- Respect and submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-6)
- Be helpers and companions to their husbands (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 31:10-31)
- Manage the household and care for children (Titus 2:3-5, 1 Timothy 5:14)
- Be submissive, gentle, and kind (1 Peter 3:4, Proverbs 31:25-27)
COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND FELLOWSHIP DURING THE WAITING PERIOD
COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND FELLOWSHIP DURING THE WAITING PERIOD
By Mr Oluwaseyi Festus
22nd June 2024
Almighty Father, once again we thank You for today, we bless Your Holy Name for our going out and coming in, we thank You because You have been our Refuge, our Fortress, our Deliverer, our Provider and You've been our Sufficiency, be exalted Lord in Jesus Name.
We commit tonight's deliberations into Your able hands, Lord take absolute control, teach us from Your Throne.
The one to talk and we all to listen, let us be renewed in our minds and let Your Word speak to us and Your Name will be glorified.
For in Jesus Name we pray
Amen
We will be considering the topic *COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND FELLOWSHIP DURING THE WAITING PERIOD*
I will want us to break the composition of this topic down, and examine what they are one after the other
1. Who is the Community?
2. What is Support?
3. What is Community Support?
4. Who is the Community Supporting?
5. What is Fellowship?
6. What is Waiting Period?
7. Who is in the Waiting Period?
*Who is the Community*
The mighty forest starts from few trees, and as more grows, the forest becomes bigger and mightier.
That said, a community can start from the agreement between two people with like minds, moving in same direction. Like the Bible puts it in Amos 3vs3 “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”
So, it is safe to say a community is a group of people who share many things in common; common ideas, common heritage, common value, common belief, agreeable way of living, common location, like a neighbourhood or city. It could also be common interest, e.g hobby, profession and lastly common faith.
*What is Support?*
To put it in the the day to day talks, support is to be in favour of someone or to approve of a decision or agree with a line of thought, or to provide help or assistance to something or someone, in the figurative sense.
And literally speaking, it could also be to hold something in place or work in accordance with a constituted authority.
Support could come physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc.
*What is Community Support?*
Community support, simply put, is the collective aim by all members of a particular geographic physical or electronic settlement, to improve the well-being and quality of life for individuals and groups within that very community, thereby encouraging a sense of solidarity, oneness and mutual help.
In those days, Yoruba adage will say, *_"It is one person that gives birth to a child, it is hundreds of persons that nurtures the child."_*
That last part is to say, collectively, things rarely go wrong in a community if all members are putting in the same effort in making things right
So more often than not, Community Support is powered by the conscious collective efforts of community members who share common values, common goals and having the same mind-set to work together to create a supportive and loving environment.
Community Support can be spiritual, emotional, financial, social, mental, informational, legal or hands-on (practical)
*Who is the Community Supporting?*
Community cannot exist without its members.
Every house is made up of blocks and every block is made up of sand, water and cement. So, a community supports itself by supporting every member in that community.
_*"But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.” Mathew 12vs25*_
A chain is as strong as its weakest link, and the bond of a community is as firm as its least supported member.
There won’t be a community without its members, and so, for a community to truly exist, it must support each and every one of its member without prejudice or bias.
*Fellowship*?
Some of us might flash back to our days in school, especially the ones that were excos in our school fellowship then
We can say fellowship is the gathering of individuals in a show of support for a common goal, a shared belief, shared interest or shared experiences;…which maybe in various areas ranging from the spiritual, to academic, to financial, to marital and to other life experiences.
And now, *what is the Waiting Period* and *Who is in the Waiting Period* ?
Waiting Period that may mean many things to many people depending on their mind-set as at that time.
Mostly, it is the period when an individual is hoping for a favourable outcome for something hoped for, worked for, applied for or prayed for.
It is also a period of self-assessment, self-advancement, capacity building and a period to get oneself refined through learning, unlearning and relearning necessary and life changing issues to become a better version of oneself.
A man waiting for his wife to give birth, is waiting for something.
A student expecting his/her UTME result, is waiting for something.
A contractor waiting for the outcome of a bidding process for a big contract, is waiting for something.
Going by the above, whoever is expectant of a desired change at any given point is actually in a waiting period inasmuch as the change desired is yet to materialise or become a reality.
That ends my prologue; ...
The support anyone gets from a community he or she belongs to, as much to do with what that community is composed of.
First and foremost, anybody in a waiting period should know that “No man can be better than his/her environment.”, by that very fact, the quality of support someone can get from his/her community is directly proportional to the quality of that community.
In this age and time, honest and true support from fellow humans, is becoming rare to get.
So, we should know that the source of our support matters while we are waiting on God.
One can't have a community of Delilahs and be expecting a support like that of type of woman describe in Proverbs 31vs10-31
So, if we are to remain grounded, hopeful, supported and still filled with belief that God will do it during the waiting period, we should note the following:
1. Know the community to belong
2. Seek counsel whenever our resolve is weak or the heart despairs
3. For every counsel, ask God for better understanding
4. And for every better understanding, do not try to do like the Children of Israel at Kadesh Barnea (Deut 1vs21-26)
5. And when implementing God’s counsel, lean not on your own understanding but totally trust Him even if it doesn’t sound plausible.
Like I said earlier, the quality of support we can get is directly proportional to the composition and type of members in the community we belong to.
And we should also know that in every community, as we have those who are like the elders of Israel, so also we have the youthful elders like the friends of King Rehoboam.
I believe we know the story of King Rehoboam in 1Kings 12vs6-11, when the people came to him complaining about the taxes and workloads his father placed on them.
It was in that same Community that elders advised him, and it was in the same community that the youths advised him.
So, as we seek counsel and support when we are down, we should know it is not all counsel that we are to follow neither are we to spread out our arms for all support.
Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:21-28 *Test all things; hold fast what is good* ;...a spiritual father might give a counsel that may not be Biblical at that very point, not because he intends to mislead, but because he is a human and might not be in the spirit for 24hours in the 7 days of the week.
And when we must have gotten the support we need and understood what God wants us to do in our waiting period, we should be careful so as not to start peeping at God's solution or start test running the support we get.
Closeness to an individual that aims to give emotional support doesn't mean the person being supported should take any advantage of that.
God's directive to support us, doesn't mean we should start peeping at what His solution looks like.
And lastly, of course some people like Sanballat and Tobiah, may want to give negative and mocking advice and talks may want to get at us, but those who know their God shall do exploits;… do not let the murmurs, side talks and any other talks or comparison from man make you do what God will not ask you to do.
In summary, people of God, the Community Support and Fellowship we will get during our waiting period depends on the community we belong to, associate with and take counsels from.
The community of godly people will almost all the time, give godly counsel and support.
The community of worldly persons will almost all the time, give worldly counsels that will negate the Will of God.
May God help us as we wait in faith, and may He give us the spirit of discernment to know where to belong, what to accept and what to do while waiting.
HANDLING MARITAL DELAYS: Prayer and Faith while waiting for a life partner
HANDLING MARITAL DELAYS: Prayer and Faith while waiting for a life partner
By Abigail Oghenefejiro Ukah
15th JUNE 2024
HANDLING MARITAL DELAYS: Prayer and Faith while waiting for a life partner is our topic
Now marriage is one Divine provision from God and that's why he said" It's not good for a man to be alone"....and sent Eve to Adam.
In Essence it's God's will for us to get married cos marriage is a great force on the earth. Anyone that says marriage is not for him or her, it could then mean God or Satan told him/her otherwise because he God initiated it from the beginning of time as a guide for us to follow. If the person will remain celibate, no problem
The time for marital settlement is now what varies from individual to individual..Am seriously careful on this teaching and with God's help too cos am not here to tell us the time to get married. And that's why I said earlier that's it's a sensitive topic and that God will help me tonight. Like I said" marital settlement varies from individual to individuals".Some might be too early in our sight, some very perfect, others too late in our own sight but at the end it's God's settlement that MATTERS.
And the bible didn't tell us the exact age Adam and Eve got married, I don't know if am wrong but I haven't seen it in the scriptures and that's one reason I can't boldly tell you the ideal age to tie the knot God will eventually settle his children when the time is right 🙏
Now what do we really term "Marital delay"
I think it's simply a particular age bracket we set for ourselves to settle down and those age limit reached and passed self and still the marriage is not forthcoming.
I know of a Uni mate that once said she thinks the ideal age to get married as a lady is from 30 years, you know some other persons will hear such and say" God forbid" that as from 22 upward is cool .
That's why I said this type of settlement differs from individual to individual as they have planned for themselves.
Some men will say" From 40 years up a man is fully mature to tie the knot". Now what Mr A might term delay might be cruising state for Mr B and could be preparation state for Mr C
It's usually based on people expectations that. Some weeks ago, I saw a video of a woman in her late 50s getting married traditional for the first time in her life and I was really bewildered, after viewing I quickly went to comment session..And some persons typed" Delay is not denial"..But I saw a sticking comment that's says" Lord I reject my blessings coming this late in Jesus name...I loved the comment.
I totally agreed with that comment and personally rejected such marital settlement for my lineage and generations to come. I was wondering inside of me at such age, it will also be great and no evil if she wedded earlier than that am I right or wrong?
The theme of our topic says" Faith and prayer while waiting for a life partner.
We as christains especially don't do things ignorantly or blindly before you embark on prayers and charge your faith to end the era of what you termed marital delay you must know the cause of it.
Our topic isn't saying " causes of marital delay" but I have to highlight some that will guide us cos they are numerous.
1, SELF:some of us will set for ourselves a particular age to settle down and that age will meet them and they are not yet matured, financially(especially for the men), spiritually e.t.c
Some Christians God might be involved in their own shift of marital settlement reason because he has somethings to do with them and they have not yet come up to the spiritual expectations he sets for them seeing he is preparing a kingdom marriage for them.
As a believer fasting is one of your greatest weakness and you want God to give you a firebrand Bro/Sis so you can quench their ministries with Food after food?
At that junction, God will have to subject that fellow to further teachings, revelations, spiritual grooming, mentorship till you are fully matured to handle his son/daughter.
Getting vital basic education and skill equipment is very important..I was in the market on Tuesday and one of the sellers was telling me how she recommended a lady for marriage to one of his brothers, the young man called and asked : She go school? She say be like SSCE she stopped, she get any handwork/skills? No she nor get..And Oga zoomed of saying he can't marry a Poti Poti
And it's very possible in that lady's mins she is set and matured for marriage but unfortunately lack of some self preparations met with marital opportunity and you know that's a shift for her or Aluta continua.
Dressing: Some of us that love the rainbow type of dressing: white shirt, blue tie, green trouser, black belt and navy blue shoe same for sisters too.. please such is a turn off for many people no matter the level of holy ghost in them..
Let's work on our looks and dressing it could be the masquerade responsible for people's marital delay, some persons might be seeing them as possesd or mentally unstable..
I know God is a perfect match, that he can bring someone to such set of people that will accept them and rebrand them well..But they are some persons that will hear God's leading to marry a rainbow Bro/Sis and zoom off cos it's a great turn off for them .They can even go to the length of outrightly disobeying God's leading and that can bring delay for them and you..
As brethren are praying, they are also watching and looking as well
Character: From time to time self examination is one essentials to believers growth..Let's always asses our characters through God's words thats 100% truth you need to know about ourselves and when spot some wrong nature by the help of God's Spirit we pray to him to change us cos the leopard can't actually change it's skin
Also try to listen to people's complaints about you because if you have gotten similar complaints from about 3 different persons about you, it means it's true and you then need to intentionally and prayerfully work on them
I saw some photos yesterday on Facebook about a lady who assumed the role of a witch in Yoruba awareness either in their school or church one of it and she really dressed and acted like a witch .. Unfortunately her fiancee maybe saw the pictures online and was angry why she should choose such role of all roles...
Like play like play he terminated their relationship...
In one of his message projected online he said" you that on a normal you behave like a witch still went and acted like one again "
So just imagine a 2 years relationship of course could have landed into marriage but because of characters their is a shift and start over again..
Some one might say " he doesn't really love her, or a broken engagement is better than broken marriage, or he is not meant for you e.t.c fine fine but I believe most relationship usually have the vision of landing to marriage either from the onset or as time progresses but because of character there is shift for her and who knows how long the next one might last before it clicks?
2, No spiritual alignment with God: How some people want Esther, Deborah, Prophetess Anna, Ruth e t c as life partners while they are Jay z, lil Wayne and the rest of them in make and nature...it can't work na, God don't give his jewels to pigs
You can't take God for granted and un serious with the things of God and you want him to settle you marital all of a sudden..You have to be his son/ daughter for him to give you one .
The more you are in the wrong spiritual alignment and praying to God to settle you with Ruth, the lesser you hear anything from him and that his silence can delay you, now it's left for you to change your spiritual alignment and he answers you if not you settle yourself or the devils settles you maritally
I just hope am not talking too much and digressing from our topic oo?
3: Satan forces: no doubt some delays are usually activities and manipulation from the under world..
That should be last month I watched a family testimony on screen on how God settled one of their sisters maritally and after the traditional marriage, an elderly woman in her 60s called them and said since she's been married into that compound they have not been any marriage ceremony or celebration in that compound..
You see that was like a spell/curse but these particular family/generation stood for God and broke that spell...
It's possible the ladies of that family just run follow man and starts giving birth, like no legal consent e.t.c
When you from time to time notice some strange disappointment and delays that are not just normal with your spiritual antenna you then have to sit up prayerfully to prevail..
Now one truth I will tell us is apart from curses/spell of no marriage that runs in some families of which God, living a sound Christain life and consistent prayers can terminate..
If your family have any root or connections with marine spirit either one of your fore fathers/mothers served "igbe"..."olokun" e t c as it's called in different tribes you have them to contend with cos they are anti marriage spirits.
You don't to serve them, some of the fore fathers when they were serving took oaths on behalf of their generations to continue to serve them ...
Some people continues from generations to generations to serve them, but when christains arise from those lineage they trouble and frustrate especially their marital life .
So if you notice by dreams, revelations, divine knowledge you have a link you have arise to be a true child of God first and build a strong prayer life to prevail...
Am not telling us fallacies or stories here..
I know of lady, in her 40s beautiful and doing well of which no man can resist but whenever any suitor comes for her hand in marriage they will have a dream where they are going to pay her bride price and a lion will come out of the woman compound and chase them and after that dream that marriage will shatter, the men will just call her on phone and shout at her and that's the end .
So she called the church deliverance team for liberation in her house and was sharing her experience, her mum was closing her mouth it's okay for her not to talk much .
At that point it became clear her mum has hands In her matter or is not connected...
Some parents even till now are serving dieties/gods which do war with their children progress and marriage especially those that refuse to join them .
Am outlining all these so that when you want to pray for God to tackle your delays you need to channel your prayers aright for answers..
Some parents of old exchanged their children's destiny, wealth, marriage e t c for one thing or other at times unknowingly as they sought evil spirits for help in the days of no true Christianity ..
You will see some family no marriage at all or terrible delays in marriage if you screen properly you find out the trace of one that served idol there..
One of our pastors in my denomination here shared how God granted deliverance from poverty and wretched life ..He said growing up he was told one of his ancestors at one point was looking for a child and they want to idol and they ask them what is his pledge, and his said the idol should give him children and seize the wealth of his posterity..
And the pastor grow up as young Christain noticed it even married in his father mud house but took it upon himself to be prayeful and was sowing seeds to men of God...And today God has broken the yoke, he should be one or the richest pastor in our region at the moment and has a gigantic duplex..
Why am saying all these? Know the cause of your problems or delays and prayerfully take them to God ...
Prayers change destiny any satanic timing for your life.
Like some persons that are always dreaming of getting married in the dream and it's always different faces but physically the marriage never comes, do know there is a negative spiritual transaction concerning your marriage and you need to arise in prayers..
Some people when they were small due to ignorance of parents were taking to herbalist homes and given cuts and marks in the name of they were sick, those are some iniciations you might not understand and if God doesn't help you they will be speaking in one way or the other at times maritally...
Some persons says all these things are not true, that if any man be in Christ he is a new creature......
100% true but if there are negative spiritual transactions you need more than been born again level to make headway .
That should be around the year 2018/19 I made a post on Facebook and a Facebook friend I don't know chatted me up that her spirit led her to talk to me on seeing that my particular post...And she told me her how she was a prayer warrior in her church but having serious issue s to get married, there was already a fiancee for her but whenever they plan marriage it won't or something bad will happen to the man, and the last one he had accident that have kept him 1 year six months in hospital...
And I was like where is your location? cos I understand she might be contending with anti marriage spirits..She told me she was based in Lagos, I had to contact one of youth pastor also in Lagos that's a deliverance minister and shared his contact with her, he met him and he prayed for her and also went and prayed for the husband and he was healed..
The following year they got married smoothly with any story cos her root was attended to prayerfully and she was disconnected from any negative spiritual link
Hebrews 11:6a says for without faith it's impossible to please God.
Now Faith is believing God, knowing his words and trying to put them into practice..
So what should our faith be like waiting for God's marital settlement?
1, marriage is honourable in all the bed undefiled as said in Hebrews 13:4a
As believers greatly believing God for the blessing of marriage you have to keep his words, trusting it hook line and sinker for with it the fruit of the land you will eat.
Having faith in God is you also acting on his righteous command..
As a young man you can't be trusting God to bless you with a Deborah but your Penis has decided to stand still moving from the gates of the daughters of Ammonites, moabites, Hittites e.t.c
Or as a young lady in between your legs have become the gateway for all kinds of me to pass..
If you want to please God, do keep his words and he will in turn please you.
Network ooo, have been typing for over 20 minutes and messages are still hanging..May God help us this evening
Bible prophecies..
Now there are some bible injunctions that are meant for the haters of God, but if not careful as christains they can be fulfilled in our lives..
Like for example in Mathew 24:12 that says because iniquity shall abound and love of many shall wax cold..
Does it now mean that all believers will backslide because of the rise of the activities of satan in the world?
Haven't you seen some of God's generals that are still waxing in the faith for over 30 years?
And there are still some believers that bible prophecy have been fulfilled on their head because they didn't watch and pray...
Some unbelievers will go mocking us that the bible said a time will come 7 women will cling to 1 man just to answer surname and remove shame and then urging us to accept their Moabites offer of marriage..
Though that quotation is in the bible in the book of Isaiah I think, but as a konk child of God who knows his or her onions in the Lord such scripture can't be our portion..
We nor go beg for husband and wife to marry, we nor go out of frustration go marry Igbo smokers and beer drinkers as husbands not all cos we know who we have believed in and we are persuaded he will settle us like kings and queens .
Listen my beloved, continuing serving the Lord with all fervency of spirit, keep trusting him wholly and when the time is right and ripe he will settle you..And you will be glad you waited for him.
With the heart and words of Faith shun voices of men for all men are grass okay
3, God is thinking greatly for your good .
Jeremiah 29:11 told us of the good plans of God for us and that's in all areas without exception..
It's very possible the time you want to settle down has even passed and you have been maintaining all godly principles and it seems as though it's delaying always tell yourself " My God is thinking good about my marriage, he is surely preparing a great marriage for me and when it's time he will surely cause it to happen"
4, Mockers..
As for mockery it do come in one way or the other .it could from friends self, family and even society..
They will say "na this church thing wey he/she carry for head na make am never see husband/wife marry, everytime them dey button up shirt reach neck nor won even let their breasts and laps collect fresh air".
See I have not seen any true child of God that give all to God and was disappointed at the end of the day ....NEVER...
When they throw those mockery words to you like the 3 Hebrew boys tell them "the God whom I serve is able to deliver me and will settle me duely"
I remember when I was traveling from Lagos to my place for my trad wedding that was coming up in a month time, I mistakingly entered an agbero motor..
The driver was more like a prostitute, he even had weed for weighbill in the car without our notice, there was no disgusting gists we didn't hear in that bus, even at one point in time he dropped at sapele to show passengers where to buy original ogogoro 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ according to him..
I just couldn't hold it again I had to caution him of his conducts that were bad and he took me personal through out the journey.
To cut the long story short, when I eventually got to my destination he came down also to view my from head to toe and said "see as she fine with good shape come hide everything inside clothes, all these one go see husband marry so"?
I laughed inside of me cos God has settled me and as a believer I don't need to show my breasts and laps before I go marry
Some of us have been so mocked to the extent our Faith don dey shake, now we want to do like the give a try like DINAH and end it all there..
5.. Prophecies, revelations, dreams e.t.c
Now are there some revelations or visions you have received that might be true pointing out the spiritual limitations around your marital settlement.
The bible said for with God all things are possible, it does not matter who vowed, who cursed or swore against your marriage, do know that the God you are serving is the head of principalities and powers and not just that alone and that the name of his Son Jesus Christ was given above all names and when you mention that name your deliverance will be established.
Now we are going to be looking at what should some of our prayer points be like as we wait on God..
I have come to understand that effective prayers are prayers made in line with God's words and the ones aided by the Spirit of God .
As you pray to God for marriage, bring out scriptures inline with God's will for marriage and pray..
And also let your spirit be empty so that the Spirit of God can guide you appropriately on what to pray .
I hear some people say" when it comes to marriage prayers they don't know exactly what to tell God"..
If you will follow the above instructions👆🏻 you will make headway .
1, The bible said" A man will leave his father and mother and will join to his wife and become one ...Now Wether you are living physically with your parents or not so far you are not yet married you are still fully with your parents..
What then should be prayers from this scripture as a waiting brother/sister?
As you pray to God, you remind him of these words saying " anything keeping me in my father's house when I should be joined should expire in Jesus name, be it lack of finance, lack of progress, lack of growth and development, wether spell or curses be broken in Jesus name..Amen
2, Adam saw Eve and said" This is the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh...
That's to tell you there is someone God has prepared for you, tell God to help you locate and identify them...
At times when we want to do our tumbo tumbo to search for spouse we go tireeeeeeeee..
Adam nor stress like that because God packaged Eve for him and of course Adam won't just be in garden and not communicating with God ..
My brethren in the journey of marriage, try to carry God along as a Christain it will sure make things easier for you.
Breakfast on sofa, beach and on bed everywhere shockingly for even believers too, most times if you check they just rushed into relationships without direction from God ..
Nobody serve me breakfast ooo because by God's grace I was careful of every relationship to be that came my way..
Any that comes I tell you wait let me seek the face of God and I tell you what God says and that's how I scale through.
3, There is a place in Genesis I can't place out now that's say" Isaac was comforted by Rebekah his wife after the death of his mother . There is a great comfort and relaxation a good marriage from above gives you, let me tell your parents nor anybody can't give it to you .. Except when God honors with his child...
That comfort money or food nor dey give am..
There is a comfort marriage gives and you must benefit from it in Jesus name...Amen
What then should your prayers be" Lord comfort me maritally". At times if you are skinny in nature, in less than one year in a marriage of comfort you will triple in body size .
4, A lady once told me, that right from time it's only old men that do come for her hands in marriage, I mean men of her father's age mate. It was really a disturbing thing for her, I encouraged her to be a true Christain and be praying...And eventually God took that spell from her and gave her a Bobo and in few months time she will be getting married.. It's the father good will to give us the good of the land and not the spoil .
What should your prayers be that Lord will bring his priests, royals, generals, kings and queens your way and not Ahab and jezebel. The prayers are enormous as we are different than circumstances surrounding us, but as we open our hearts to his Spirit he will lead us aright in Jesus...Amen
By God's grace will be ending the teaching here, I pray God blesses and minister to us through these words in Jesus name...Amen
Maintaining Purity and Boundaries
Maintaining Purity and Boundaries
By Tembo Nani
6th June 2024
We’re still on the theme - Handling Marital Delays
We’re taking the topic - Maintaining Purity and Boundaries
Purity according to Oxford Dictionary is:
-freedom from adulteration or contamination
-freedom from immorality especially of a sexual nature
“Maintaining” expresses the idea or fact that you are/have something. Am I right or right? 😁
It means the person or thing in question has at least one. Good
Question 1: Is it possible to be sexually pure as a believer in this day and age both in heart and act?Let me help us with a verse or two of the Scripture, _if it helps sha_ 😅 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” - 2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV
“And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” - 1 Corinthians 6:11 KJV
Question 2: Do believers today have at their reach EVERYTHING they need to be sexually pure?* Question 3: Can you mention some of the tools needed by believers to be sexually pure?
I hope on the side, we are mirroring ourselves in light of these questions… I’m about to touch more on this.
Question 4: If one believer is impure sexually, does it automatically pollute the entire body of believers?
“but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” - Matthew 5:28 KJV
“For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: and those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: that there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. *Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.”* - 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 KJV
Question 5: Are we pure sexually in the church today?*
Of a truth, one can only talk about himself or herself alone, we can’t generalize these answers I know cos we don’t know what the person you call your bestie is up to! Even among the so called married, shameful things are happening and we wonder where we are going!
Question 6: If no, and we said believers have all they need to be pure, meaning God is not to blame, what ELSE is to be done?*
I heard of a story of a young couple (young in years of marriage), not more than 2 years I think. They are based in Abia state in a room self contained apartment but the husband works in Lagos and travels home every 2 weeks.
One day, the husband’s younger brother was traveling and couldn’t continue his journey so he thought to stay over at his brother’s house till the next morning when he’ll continue. That night, they fornicated/committed adultery. Then his visit became more often *all in the name of traveling by* till the news broke out.
What else? Is it prayer, we pray. Is it knowledge of the word, we have it. Is it disciplining those that err, they do it. However, the one dishing the punishment is neck deep in the same sexually defiled state but his/hers is just not known in the public or is not talked about by the committee of punishers. Hmmm
Now I think question 4 makes more sense at this point yet more complicated. How?
It is because we as humans, believers can’t just answer it definitively. Let me stop this part here. I don’t want to go into some areas which will ignite some sensitivities <This message was edited>
“Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.” - John 15:3 KJV
*“And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” - 1 Corinthians 6:11 KJV*
Jesus keeps cleaning us, keeps washing us, despite we have at our reach the Holy Spirit Himself, the fruit of the Spirit which we are supposed to ask for and show forth among which is Self control, the Scripture is explicit about consequences of sinning especially that of a sexual nature and the type we are supposed to *FLEE FROM*, the power of the Holy Spirit is there, the blood of Jesus is there, speaking in tongues which does mysteries in us including empowerment is there, counseling or fellowshipping with fellow believers is there…..
still, the more Jesus is washing us, the more it appears we are getting more defiled. What else do we want Him to do? And God has been patient with us till now! Oh I remember, both Jesus and the Holy Spirit keep making intercession for us to the Father! What else do we want?
The Father’s heart keeps breaking when He sees this defilement and He can’t stand it because He’s too holy to behold sin, and we keep asking for mercy which He keeps showing us, He continues to clean us, to wash us, to bless us just believing in us that we will change, we will stop fornicating/committing adultery, He keeps reaching out to us, correcting us, even using harsh means where necessary to whip us in line, yet, He has not started getting satisfactory result from the parents, the children - youths, teenagers, even under 11 years - are coming up with worse profligacy in sexual defilement. Oh God… But it doesn’t change His word… we must maintain purity. It is our duty, not God’s. Obedience is for us. “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, *and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”* - James 1:27 KJV
*Purity of hands and heart*
“Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; Who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.” - Psalm 24:3-4 KJV
“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” - Matthew 5:8 KJV
*Purity of the mouth, eyes and legs (what you say, what you see and where you go)*
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a froward mouth, And perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, And let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, And let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: *Remove thy foot from evil.”* - Proverbs 4:23-27 KJV
*Purity in the choice of companion*
“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; And in his law doth he meditate day and night.” - Psalm 1:1-2 KJV
Note that it starts with the same “blessed” just as it is in the attached above.
*Same as Jesus: “Ye also…”* meaning God gave Jesus to us the same status He gave Jesus.
“Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, as newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: if so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. To whom coming, as unto a living stone, disallowed indeed of men, but chosen of God, and precious, *ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.* But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, *an holy nation,* a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:” - 1 Peter 2:1-5, 9 KJV What is the end in mind that made God all these and more?
“that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, *that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”* - Ephesians 5:26-27 KJV
There is a contextual role in this passage which dictates our roles to play as humans - husband and wife. Please see the verses preceding 26. That’s our assignment.
Do I still say “may God help us?” I don’t know, in all honesty cos He’s doing so much already…
Father, thank You once again for the washing that comes from this word You have revealed to us. Help us to stay clean, stay washed, to maintain the purity You gave us in Christ Jesus. Thank you Lord, in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
Handling Marital Delays - Dealing with Disappointment and Frustration
Handling Marital Delays - Dealing with Disappointment and Frustration
By Mr Daniel Gyang Weng
1st June 2024
Handling Marital Delays - Dealing with Disappointment and Frustration
Our text tonight is from 1 Samuel 1
While I was pondering on the topic, the Lord took me to 1sam 1
Disappointment and frustration can come in different form
For Hannah, it was barrenness
The reason why most of us feel disappointed and frustrated is due to some factors which we will discuss
1. *LACK OF PURPOSE DISCOVERY*
The reason many of us feel disappointed and frustrated is because we have not discovered purpose. Many of us just sit around waiting for one man to propose marriage and take us away from our present situation. We see marriage as an escape plan and not a means to fulfill purpose and destiny
Despite the fact that Hannah experienced delay, she knew who she was and didn't allow her present situation to deter her from fulfilling her God's ordained purpose for her
2. *WE ARE OFFENDED WITH GOD*
Because a guy jilted or abandoned you, you decide not to have anything to do with God and his people. Many people have left the church because of marital delay and frustraion.
Some have said heaven help those who help themselves. 😂. Since you can help yourself, you don't need heaven's help. Due to delay, some have said to hell with the church and Christianity. Some have said there's nothing good about the church😂
Despite all what Hannah experienced, nowhere in the Bible did we hear she never went to Shiloh for the yearly sacrifice except when she was nursing Samuel. Friends, no matter what your experience is, don't abandon God and his people
3. *LACK OF PRAYER LIFE*
Most times during delay and frustration, we ignore our prayer altar and look for help elsewhere
Please, prayer should be the first thing we do during such experience and not the last
We saw how Hannah prayed and made a vow on the altar of prayer and even the Priest thought she was drunk because of the position she was praying from
Let me share a personal experience
When I noticed my last relationship was about to *crash* I did a 3days prayer and fasting 🤣😂. It might sound foolish but in those 3days, I knew it was over and the Holy Spirit said to me *I will help you*. Brethren, I transition from that relationship without losing an inch. I must confess that God helped me that period and I didn't take any offense
In case you don't have a prayer altar/life, get one please. It will deliver you from a lot of issues that would have caused us pain. We saw Hannah's prayer life and how God used the Priest to declare the answer to what she prayed about
A lady chatted me up some weeks ago and said she wants to get married 😂. I asked her if there's a man and she said no
Faith
I asked why do you want to get married? She said because she is of age 🤣
so that is what she can bring to the table. ke women ooooooo
4. *SETTING DEADLINE FOR MARRIAGE*
Most of us are the reason for our frustration and we blame God. The Bible says *He makes everything beautiful in His time* not your time. God no be your mate way you dey give deadline. If you can't wait for His appointed time, go and do your thing
We have made society our standard and it has brought us under pressure and frustration
Please, allow God lead you
Time and chance happens to them all
I pray we don't miss our time and chance
If at all any of us have missed our time and chance, God will rewrite it and bring another time and chance
Hannah never told God when she wanted a child. It was the Priest who spoke the time into existence
She kept believing God until she got what she wanted
A prominent pastor in Nigeria *name withheld* his cousin sister got married for the first time last year at 50yrs
She married her husband and they are happily married
Hold God my people
In summary, the reason we experience is because:
1. We have not discovered purpose
2. We are offended with God
3. Lack of prayer life
4. Setting deadline.
Let's correct this notions and allow God have his way in our lives
Enjoy your single life while it last
Dr Cindy married at 60yrs for the first time
Decide that you will enjoy your marriage. Pray against delay and frustration. As we do these, I see us having a good and purposeful lives
Handling Marital Delays - Healthy Relationship Foundations.
Handling Marital Delays - Healthy Relationship Foundations.
By Tembo Nani
19th May 2024
*Topic: Handling Marital Delays - Healthy Relationship Foundations.*
Study Icon: Ruth.
True story, not real names: Sis Rachel on the first morning after wedding came to the sitting room and saw Bro Raphael smoking. She said, “Ah, so you sef jasi?” You should have said so before na. She went, brought hard drink and poured for the two of them, and they started smoking and drinking. Not long after, somethin5/18/24, 7:52 PM - Tembo Nani: Sis Ruth had been a wild lady, whose life was from one party to another club. One day she thought to herself that she was growing old and needed to settle down. She told herself that all the guys she had with her weren’t fit and so decided to go to church that she would find good guys there, not in the clubs she loved and lived life in. Fortunately for her, she met Bro Ralph in church who has always been a confirmed street guy unknown that he also was there thinking she’ll get a good lady to marry. <This message was edited>
On that morning, they saw how deceitful they had been and the dirty life they lived. In thorough humility and repentance, they gave their lives to Christ. No one preached to them, they weren’t born again before even though they were in church.
*Foundation 1: God (Man-God).*
_“how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him.”_ Acts 10:38 KJV.
“How God”
“How God”
“How God”
This conveys a heart position that God couldn’t ignore. He had a life so enthralling to God that He just must anoint Him. This wasn’t won automatically by Jesus, there were stinging tests He had to pass at different stages in His young life. There are emotions He had to deal with and still measure up to standard before God. He wasn’t promoted to the level of being anointed just because He was Son of God, no. His test was as Son of Man.
He was reduced yet He didn’t rebel; He was slammed different refractive periods (delays) yet He didn’t kick; He was pleased to take all that God brought on Him and didn’t fight back. I am talking about His 30 years and some months before He was eventually anointed by God and commissioned for ministry.
It is impossible for the natural mind to do this that’s why He had to go through same to set an example for us and with His Spirit plus our obedience from a crucified heart we could handle life issues including marital delays. I wish I can go through those emotions I mentioned but there is a lot to still cover.
Every healthy relationship foundation must start with God. If it doesn’t have God, the best it can be is moral distinction and that in itself cannot be healthy. If moral distinction were a prerequisite for knowing God, there wouldn’t have been any need for Jesus to come nor all the spiritual resources available for us as believers today.
However, God is both merciful and mysterious. Even when we don’t know Him nor acknowledge Him, He still works amazing things out for us which when we finally realize, we are moved in humble adoration for His deep love towards us.
Ruth encountered some delays, two prominent ones out of three were in childbirth and remarrying, the third being financial hardship. It was after she met the God of Israel and committed to Him that her life had any relevance and meaning to her troubles sprung up. In her case it wasn’t recorded that she was anointed, rather she was honored.
Her commitment to this God was sealed in her words - Don’t tell me to go back, where you go I’ll go, where you lodge I’ll lodge; your people will be my people and your God my God. where you die I’ll die, only death will part us. Kai!
_“And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”_ Ruth 1:16-17 KJV <This message was edited>
And she did exactly that. God could not resist such a heart and so He broke His own law for her. That’s being anointed in its own right. A heart posture so pleasing to God regardless of the charging circumstances (marital delays inclusive).
And so, which marital delay are you experiencing? More importantly, what is your heart posture towards God?
Remember that your relationship with God is more important than your needs. Your need for spouse to marry, child(ren) to bear, money to spend, things to take care of, levels to attain and so on are good but your need to be on God’s right side is far more important.
I said we should remember, not because we don’t know it at all, not because we forgot but because when the challenge reaches a certain degree, we tend to take our eyes off God and onto the problem.
I say it again: your relationship with God is more important than any challenge you may be facing.
“looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” - Heb. 12:2
For everyone having any marital challenge here, I pray for you, by the help of the Holy Spirit, you will not look away from Jesus till He makes His will perfected in your life. Receive strength to keep looking unto Jesus in the name of Jesus!
Looking unto Jesus
I am pressed to stay on this a bit more but there is a lot to cover… Holy Spirit…
Ruth did not know, could not say certainly what her story will turn out to be. She only met someone from Israel who was so unfortunate in life that she even changed her name to bitterness. She was just being introduced to this God of Israel while the welcoming hands of life were harsh on her yet she looked beyond that pain.
Many times I wonder what kind of superb mother-in-law Naomi was that her two daughters-in-law wanted to stay with her when they had every reason to go away. That’s a talk for another day.
She got married to a man and after many years together, no sign of fruit in that house. Rather, it’s death and disaster everywhere till Naomi was empty. Still Ruth said,
_“And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”_ Ruth 1:16-17 KJV
May we have the faith that stands the test of time and the patience to go through the challenges life deals us in the name of Jesus.
That enduring faith, Father, please give us, as many as desire it, in the name of Jesus.
So we’re still talking about Healthy Relationship Foundation with regards to Handling Marital Delays
*Foundation 2: Goodness (Man-Man)*
Acts 10:38b, “…who went about doing good…”
In our daily dealings, let goodness flow from us. Not every child of God will raise the dead or do mighty works but we are called to do good works. Relationships cannot stand without exchange of goodness. <This message was edited>
“Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was *full of good works and almsdeeds which she did.”* Acts 9:36, KJV
“Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them.” Acts 9:39 KJV
Bible says, “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints,” (Psalm 116:15 KJV) but God had to send Dorcas back, her good works were everywhere.
At our places of works, businesses, in public buses or commuting in private vehicles, at the market, in our community, there are opportunities to do good works. These are windows through which people see how the Jesus we say we carry is.
Help somebody. Speak kind words. Live a disciplined life. Dress well. Wear an approachable face. Be warm with people. It is not about your delay, it is about that soul that God passes through you to nourish in your own little way.
Ruth spoke kindly to Naomi and then followed it up with dependable action. She didn’t look at herself as the wife of a late popular and wealthy man’s son to now refuse giving further support to Naomi. <This message was edited>
It would’ve looked like Naomi had nothing else to offer after she lost her wealth, husband and two sons. Seeing Ruth living with her alone was something refreshing to her.
Be there for your folks. Even if it’s just to listen to them. Some are in worse state than you despite your marital delays and you never can tell who God will use to speak a word of change to you or do something to help change your status.
It is not easy, that’s why we had to pray yesterday. The human mind can get tired many times over. Still, be good. Show goodness to people. Remain the salt and light that God made us. A quick warning here: show care with caution. <This message was edited>
*Foundation 3: Get Sense (Man-Mate).*
“Keep my commandments, and live; And my law as the apple of thine eye.” Proverbs 7:2 KJV. Please read verse 6-27 at your free time.
I will talk about this both in general sense and in direct sense with reference to who you’re courting. Strange woman, a married or unmarried woman, refers to someone you’re not married to.
Although it’s already defined by gender but I tell you that many men fit the description. The male version is who Fela Durotoye calls “Hunter.” They look for what is good or whatever good they see in the person, whether obvious to others or not, and strike at it.
Exactly what the strange woman does. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known the lady for years, or grew together or have agreed to marry, as long as s/he isn’t married to you, she is a strange woman/man and must be handled carefully if you still want a healthy relationship.
I recall this wonderful lady, dear sister of mine who was known with a brother many years back. Long delay to marry was the experience but till date I don’t know the reason for the delay. She was considering marriage with him at that point I came in to assist with a project/vision she was working on, and so she asked me to pray along with her; this was just on her own end.
Not long after, I got to know from her that the brother had issues with her because of me. The usual me, I will go further away without any further words, me that I’m very cautious with people as a principle, more so, those in relationship/marriage.
I told her what I got from God about her marriage intention but I saw that she was all in with the brother and would wrestle with the message. This plus the fact that the brother was uncomfortable with me on her project made me tell her 2 things:
1. I told her that we should test what God has said if it is true. How? I said she should do all she can to hold on to the guy and let’s see if both of them will marry.
2. I told her I am dropping out of the project she brought me on. We won’t work physically or be seen anywhere together but on the day of execution, I’ll take the role she gave me if she doesn’t get anyone to take it.
She accepted to marry the brother but were not seeing daily like before due to work relocation to about 45 minutes driving distance. And so, they both weren’t attending same church anymore. Few months later, a strange lady showed up in their lives and in the brother’s church. People wondered what this brother was doing with the lady when he had someone so wonderful to marry. The lady seemed to be interested in church and was usually present but something seemed off about her. This brother was unaware.
Long story short: that my dear sister came to her former church for a vigil and surprisingly to the brother she’s engaged to, after the vigil service she insisted that she wanted to stay at his place till it was dawn before leaving as his was close to church. He hesitated, dragged but this sister wouldn’t let down. They got to his place and found the same strange lady in the brother’s bed with a tiny cloth covering her nakedness.
Well, she forgave him and would’ve continued the relationship but he wasn’t ready to let go of the strange lady. That was the end of the relationship. Just after then, the strange lady stopped attending church, but the affair continued.
A year later, this brother went for a celebration at her house, ate there and that same night he was found foaming in the mouth. He died before getting to the hospital. He was just 42 years.
Why did I get into this long story? “He is my guy,” “She is my babe,” this is good but be careful what you do behind closed doors and in between the sheets. As long as you aren’t married, that brother or sister strange to you. Kindly read the tactics of the strange woman in that Proverbs 7 and relate it also to what guys do today to get their sinister intentions satisfied.
Looking at that scripture and Ruth’s life, the timeless lessons are:
1. Set boundaries: For courters and those yet to find partners, set boundaries. Where you should flee, don’t stay.
Don’t say you fear God nothing can happen. Even the man that used to say “nothing dey happen” kept falling from one woman’s laps to another and now has many children everywhere. If you know you know. Lol. Wetin no dey happen? Dem dey lampard every females, landscape everywhere.
Not everything about your relationship you should tell uour bestie. And if your bestie is the opposite sex, the more reason you should give a gap. Respect your spouse enough to set boundaries for your bestie. Many people have lost husbands/wives, fiancé/fiancée to their besties (strange women/men) because of insensitivity during the period of delays they experienced. That’s why I tagged this- get sense. <This message was edited>
Your flesh is never born again and you’re still full of chemicals in form of hormones charging through you. Don’t stay alone with the man/lady in the house or closed places. You are tempting yourself. That’s physical or sexual boundaries.
Ruth showed herself to Boaz on the instruction of Naomi but she didn’t throw herself away. Chastity is not an exclusive preserve for ladies. Boaz did not let loose; Ruth did not lie on the bed. Matter of fact, she only came to show a sign to make him do the needful as the culture then permitted.
Set financial boundaries. You can’t pour all your savings into him/her or borrow huge sums that your partner has nowhere to pay back from, all because s/he promised to marry you or you’ve become known in their family and vice-versa. What if the partner runs away? Or gets pregnant for someone else or leaves you?
Sense will tell you that you should borrow people only the small amount you can let go in case they don’t pay you back and you don’t touch your savings or money meant for investment, neither do you give them all they ask for, rather it’s just a small amount to help.
The people you’re borrowing the money refers to friends, extended family members, colleagues, definitely not 1st tier persons like the person you’re married to.
I will set you up, don’t worry, come and work for me as my executive assistant, you’re a woman, he’s a man, late night meetings included, travel together, working behind closed doors even in the office after work hours… I am happily married, don’t worry, nothing will happen and you think you need that job to help your struggling husband (or husband to be) because marriage is delaying… eh, better be careful. I won’t say more than that. The same goes for the man.
2. Stay Spirit-filled: Many theologians agree that the story of Ruth is presented to show how our relationship should be with the Holy Spirit. As Ruth continued with Naomi, she was getting instructions on how to live, what to rest her mind on and what to do. And so, we should be filled with the Spirit all the time and spend time with fellow believers so that you continue to be hot.
Share values. See Songs of Solomon 1-2.
Healthy Relationship Foundation with regards to Handling Marital Delay: Personal growth and development
Healthy Relationship Foundation with regards to Handling Marital Delay: Personal growth and development
By Nihinlola Olowe
4th May 2024
Healthy Relationship Foundation with regards to Handling Marital Delay
Topic - Personal growth and development
We would start this teaching with a case study:
Sarah, a 32-year-old marketing executive, had always envisioned herself getting married by her late 20s. However, as she approached her 30s, she found herself still single despite her efforts to find a suitable partner. This delay in finding a life partner began to take a toll on her emotional well-being and self-esteem.
*What Challenges did you think Sarah faced*?
To answer this question accurately, you need to imagine yourself in Sarah's situation
There are many factors that might have contributed to Sarah situation and so are many factors contributing to anyone going through any form of Marital delay (delay in marriage, childbirth and even finances in marriage)
Sincerely, it's usually not an easy journey but it is important we invest in ourselves in this period of life
What is personal growth and development?
Personal growth and development is the continuous journey of becoming a better version of oneself through improving, understanding, and discovering oneself.
Personal growth entails building strength in emotions, thoughts, and spirit to overcome challenges and thrive.
James 1:3-4 (NIV): "because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
This verse emphasizes the importance of developing resilience through trials and challenges, ultimately leading to maturity and completeness.
Let's see Romans 5:3-4 (NIV): "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
This passage highlights the transformative nature of adversity, leading to the development of perseverance, character, and ultimately, hope, which are all aspects of resilience.
Marital delay can deeply affect both married and single individuals, taking a heavy emotional toll on their well-being and sense of fulfillment. Marital delay often triggers feelings of frustration, self-doubt, and societal pressure, as individuals grapple with unmet expectations and external judgments.
If you read some of our comments on Sarah situation, it was based on personal sentiments and judgement. There are people who go by some of the standards we stated and still experience martial delay
What then is the reason for their delay? It's important to embrace patience and trust the timing of your life's journey.
To build resilience amid marital delay, you can prioritize self-care, leaning on your faith, maintaining a supportive community, and holding onto hope in God's timing.
*Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV):*"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
This verse reminds us that God has a perfect timing for everything in our lives, and His timing is beautiful and beyond our understanding.
There was a 38-year-old middle-income man living in Nigeria who had always dreamed of starting a family by his mid-30s, but as he approached his late 30s, he found himself still unmarried.
Despite facing societal pressure and personal disappointment, he refused to lose hope.
Instead of letting the delay in his marital journey consume him, he focused on building resilience. He leaned on his faith, finding solace in prayer and trusting in God's timing.
He also made a conscious effort to prioritize self-care, taking up hobbies like gardening and cycling to alleviate stress and maintain a positive mindset.
He didn't face this challenge alone. He surrounded himself with a supportive network of friends and family who uplifted him during moments of doubt and uncertainty. Together, they encouraged him to stay hopeful and reminded him that his worth wasn't defined by his relationship status.
As he continued to navigate the ups and downs of marital delay, he never lost sight of his dreams. He remained steadfast in his belief that God had a plan for his life, and that plan would unfold in its own perfect time.
Eventually, his resilience paid off. At the age of 40, he met the love of his life, and they embarked on a journey of marriage together. Looking back on his experience, he realized that the delay in his marital journey had been a blessing in disguise. It had taught him patience, perseverance, and the importance of trusting in God's timing.
His story serves as a powerful reminder that resilience in the face of marital delay can lead to beautiful outcomes beyond what we can imagine. It's a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the faithfulness of God's plan for our lives.
It's really important to stay positive and keep growing while you're waiting for things to happen.
Here are some simple tips to help you keep growing while you wait for marriage or children or even finance in marriage:
🤜 Find hobbies or activities you enjoy and do them regularly.
🤜 Set small, achievable goals for yourself and work towards them.
🤜Spend time with supportive friends and family who encourage you.
🤜Take care of your physical health by exercising and eating well.
🤜Learn new things by reading, taking classes, or watching educational videos.
🤜Practice gratitude by focusing on the positive things in your life.
🤜Spend time in prayer or meditation to stay centered and hopeful.
*I have a life beyond my current delay*
Growing as a person helps you in more ways than just finding a partner or even kids etc:
1. It boosts your confidence and self-esteem.
2. It helps you handle challenges better.
3. It improves your relationships with others.
4. It brings you joy and fulfillment in everyday life.
5. It opens up new opportunities and experiences.
6. It helps you become the best version of yourself.
While the journey towards marriage, child birth, finances may have its delays and challenges, personal growth remains a powerful tool for resilience and fulfillment.
By focusing on self-improvement, maintaining a positive mindset, and trusting in God's timing, individuals can navigate marital delay with strength and grace.
Remember, personal growth extends far beyond finding a partner, having kids etc. it's enriching every aspect of life which will lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful existence.
NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY OF FINDING A LIFE PARTNER AS A SINGLE PERSON
NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY OF FINDING A LIFE PARTNER AS A SINGLE PERSON
By Mr Oluwaseyi Festus
27th April 2024
*NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY OF FINDING A LIFE PARTNER AS A SINGLE PERSON*
This is one aspect of life that is as important as any other decision we want to make or we've made before. The point of finding a life partner determines if a man or a woman becomes Complete or becomes Completely Finished. As the resultant decision precipitates the overall outcome. And, in looking for a life partner, it’s either we allow God to absolutely choose for us or we prayerfully look for who we desire to choose as a partner.
OR
We do the Samson's style...
Before we go into those, let’s try to break this topic down a bit:…
Who is a Single Person?
Who is a Life Partner?
What Journey are we talking about?
Who is a Single Person?
A Single Person is any matured man or woman who is without a married spouse; either a pure bachelor or spinster, a MANchelor or WOMster, a widow or widower;…and at rare cases, a divorcee (one whom God knows and testifies wasn’t at fault for the break in marital transmission and such is spiritually and legally free to re-engage another spouse.)
Who is a Life Partner?
A Life Partner is someone who is trustworthy, loyal, honest, and respectful, communicates well or adapting to do so consciously, emotionally intelligent, kind, compassionate and open-minded and such desires to be in a serious and committed relationship with another equally dedicated person, which could lead to marriage.
Life Partners always have the intentions of making the relationship a permanent one and not just a flash in the pan nor a fling.
And a Life Partner is someone we have the plans of sharing a life with, someone we desire to build a future with and who we desire to ride hard or thread softly with through thick and thin.
What Journey are we talking about?
The Journey we are talking about is the preparatory Journey that precedes the Marital Journey, and this starts from the day we know we are 70% physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually prepared enough and set to have another person in our lives and we know we are ready to relate with that person with absolute patience, endurance, mutual respect, forgiveness and a number of other things to get one to that desired destination, which is marriage.
And I believe we all know that finding a life partner can be an exciting, enriching, exhilarating as well as a very exasperating experience.
And the reason for this isn't far-fetched.
As the journey to find a life partner always come with its own set of challenges, which includes but not limited to meeting pretenders like repackaged Jezebels, repainted Ahabs, or not wanting to accept crude Deborahs and rough Rebeccas.
Looking down on wilderness-cruising Davids and some seeing greatly chiseled Eliabs as the incoming Kings of their throne.
So, to navigate this preparatory journey as a single person, there are some fundamental things to be considered and to be done, and these include but not limited to:
a. Self-Discovery
b. Build Personal Capacity
c. Redraw Your Circle
d. Building Relationships
e. Reality of Facing Challenges
If a single person skips some or all of these things, he or she may discover that the bus stop he/she is standing is not the one where his/her vehicle will come to wait for him/her.
Talking about Self-Discovery...
*Self-Discovery:*
• *Know Yourself in Details:* Before you open your WorldwideWeb to start looking for someone to share the rest of your life with, you really need to get to know yourself VERY well. Confirm your values, goals, interests, and what you are truly looking out for in any one you will love to consider a lifelong relationship with. This clarity of purpose and of values will help to truly guide you towards those who you will be compatible with. And also, know your sexual category before you join souls with the one you want as a spouse.
*Build Personal Capacity*
That you are still single doesn't mean you should settle into a routine way of life while waiting for Prince Charming or Princess Cinderella. That you are single doesn’t mean you should idly sit in that relationship waiting room. While being single and before searching, you need to focus on personal growth, passions, and cultivate a fulfilling life.
It isn’t a time to be looking for the best designers to wear or the best wigs to buy.
You need to build your capacity spiritually and then physically and in whichever field you venture into, career-wise, so as to be able to be a value-adding spouse and not just a leech, a parasitic or a commensal spouse.
This personal development for self-sufficiency will make you a more attractive partner and a rare gem to be coveted in the long run
The third point is *Redrawing Your Circle*
Many of singles, in a bid to say they want to be safe, they keep the same circle of friends since their school days, same circle of friends at their working place, etc
You actually need to step outside your Comfort Zone.
Far too many times, singles make this mistake of limiting themselves ONLY to their existing social circle.
You can’t be praying for a good wife or a good husband and your daily routine is House-Office-Church-House; and be on this routine for years. (I was once a member of that club).
You truly need to change your routine;…we can’t be doing the same thing year in year out and expect a different result.
Try attending events, either related to things you naturally love doing, or you volunteer for causes you naturally care about.
*Importantly, when you go to weddings, make sure you attend the receptions, or any event you go to, attend the receptions, and stop staging disappearing acts always.*
Attend receptions oooo,...meet people.
My sister and her husband met each other on the day Apostle Obadare was buried.
Sister left Akure for Ilesa for the burial and her now husband left his base to attend the same burial;...so don't sit there and say it is only birthday parties or in churches that you will meet Mr Right and Mrs Right.
Still about redrawing circles, you can try meeting new people online,... but you need to be very very careful as regards this.
*There are lots of fishes*, but as some are swordfish, some are sharks and some are simply whales that can't be handled. Whereas, some are Koi fishes.
Another fundamental thing is *building relationships*
You need to carefully build your relationship brick by brick, in details, with the person you think you want to settle with.
You need to start from the base, seek to know how compatible you are with that person
And in all of these, you dont have to rush it at all
I mentioned something earlier, and I will like us to have a brief discussion about it
In knowing how compatible the intending spouse will be, we need to know if he/she is spiritually compatible, physically compatible, financially compatible and sexually compatible.
Spiritually, If you are the type that can fast 3-4 days in a week, don't get married to a foody who doesn't joke with his/her stomach.
Or you are the type who loves daily Bible studying, don't let love push you to marry someone who will sit down with ZeeWorld or CNN news every night
Physically, don't be a Goliath in height and go for someone who will need a 3-foot tall chair to touch your cheek.
If you need a lifelong slim lady, check her mother to know what you will have 3-4 kids into your marriage.
Financially, as a brother, be careful of *_"My money is my money, his money is our money"_* type of ladies, there might be issues later.
As a sister, don't go with a man who believes *_"Irun imu lowo"_* _(Money is difficult to spend)_ stingy guys who will sacrifice anything for their selfish purposes.
And to the last one, be careful to ask and to know your intending spouse's sexual category o.
The differences in sexual compatibility is another thing that can crash marriages or cause issues in the marriage
A medical Doctor once told me we have 3 categories of Sexual activity
1. Sexually Passive
2. Sexually Active
3. Sexually Hyperactive
Category 1 can go a whole year without feeling any urge
Category 2 will do when they see and may maintain their lane in case of no show;...but not for far too long
Category 3 are those who can't do without za oza room calculations, especially the ones that activated their sexual hormones before they cross age 25.
So, if you are of Category 1, Sexually Passive, who may go for a year without having any _"behind closed doors actions"_, be careful not to get married to a Category 3 who wants it almost every day.
Sebi you don see say wahala go dey as nobody go wan gree for anybody!
The last of the listed fundamental things to be considered is the Reality of Facing Challenges
Singles, learn to know that *NO* doesn't mean you are terrible or inadequate for a relationship.
As a guy, a lady will tell you No.
As a lady, a guy will say _"I don't think I can continue"_
None of these means you are not enough
Jesse sees a wilderness-dwelling Shepherd in David
God sees a King and a Dynasty in same David
Dont let rejection weigh you down.
And always try to maintain positivity in the face of unplanned and unexpected challenges... they will surely come.
Challenges might even include prolonged delays, don't lose your mind and don't lose your joy,...neither get depressed.
And additionally, maintain realistic expectations in that journey.
Don't be asking for a Benz from a fresh graduate and don't think that young lady knows it all.
Be very open and honest in your conversations and try celebrating your individual differences
Maintain your own interests and friendships while nurturing the connection with your intending partner, *but learn how to evolve.*
And at the same time, know there is a need to learn, unlearn and relearn because your way might not be the best way always
We all have some rough edges, fine-tuning them to become a better person isn’t bad, but don’t apply wholesome 90 degrees or 180 degrees changes to who you are. <This message was edited>
And in conclusion:
*We All Know What We are Doing*
Like we discussed earlier during the week, we all know what we are doing in our choices of who to choose for our marital journey.
If you are of the opinion that crying in a GLK is better than being happy on a Bajaj,…God help you because you know what you are doing.
If you are of the opinion that you can’t settle for any lady that doesn’t have a figure 8 and is a vixen in za oza room; indirectly saying you want a twerking baddie… God help you as you know what you are doing.
If you will navigate that journey successfully, please stop looking for Ruth-at-heart in a Baddie-by-body or Isaac-at-heart in an Alpha-male-by-acts.
Just note that in this age and time, a baddie begets a baddie, and a terror begets another terror.
The future (children, career, dreams, achievements) you want to build is in your hands and it lies with your choice of partner.
Let God guide you and give you His Will*
If we want God to truly lead us and give us His Will, let Genesis 24:12-14 be the basis of your prayers:
_*12. Then he said, “O LORD God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham.*_
_*13. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.*_
_*14. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’—let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.”*_
Pray to God and let Him provide His perfect Will.
And keep this in mind that, finding a life partner is a journey of patience and openness, not a destination to arrive at hurriedly. Flow with the processes, and also be focused on self-discovery, and keep an open mind as you go through that.
Addressing Delay in Conceiving Children within Marriage
Addressing Delay in Conceiving Children within Marriage
By Nihinlola Olowe
13th April 2024
In the journey of fertility and conception, as Christians we view the process as a sacred collaboration with God. We believe that children are a gift from Him, and while we may face challenges along the way, we trust in His timing and guidance. Our faith teaches us to approach fertility with hope, prayer, and stewardship of our bodies, knowing that God is with us every step of the way.
Across Nigeria and globally, approximately 1 in 6 couples experience challenges with fertility. This reality highlights the widespread nature of fertility struggles, emphasizing that delays in conceiving are not uncommon.
Many couples face emotional and psychological hurdles on their journey to parenthood
I tell my clients that comes in for fertility treatment that the treatment journey is more emotionally tough than other things and they see it when they begin.
Approaching fertility issues with faith, hope, and practical wisdom is vital for navigating the journey with resilience and grace.
Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our understanding, acknowledging His sovereignty in all aspects of life.
With faith, we find strength to endure challenges, while maintaining hope in God's promises sustains us through uncertainty (Romans 15:13).
Practical wisdom guides us in making informed decisions regarding health, lifestyle, and seeking medical assistance, aligning with God's desire for us to steward our bodies well (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Now, lets briefly *Understand the Fertility Journey
The menstrual cycle is the monthly process in which a woman's body prepares for pregnancy. It involves the release of an egg (ovulation), followed by the thickening of the uterine lining in preparation for a fertilised egg.
If conception doesn't occur, the uterine lining sheds, resulting in menstruation.
Ovulation typically occurs around the middle of the menstrual cycle, but the exact timing varies from woman to woman.
If you are single woman and you don't know how to track your menstrual cycle, you need to learn now
Various factors can affect fertility, including age, health conditions, lifestyle choices, and stress.
Age plays a significant role, with fertility declining as women age, particularly after 35.
If you are a woman, your decline starts little by little at 30 and for the men at 35. So, having children early before 30 is mostly advisable
Please note that-
Health conditions such as hormonal imbalances, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and sexually transmitted infections can impact fertility.
Lifestyle choices such as smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and obesity can also affect fertility negatively.
This is for the both gender
Please men unhealthy lifestyle can affect your sperm count, not just low o, we have zero sperm, sperm mobility
If your sperm Mobility is weak as a man, it will be difficult to impregnate woman o
Additionally, high levels of stress can disrupt hormone levels and menstrual cycles, potentially impairing fertility.
High stress can affect your sperm too as a man
Zero means no sperm , that one is donor sperm option
Mobility is that the sperm is weak but counts can be good
Fertility is a complex interplay of biological, emotional, and spiritual factors.
While biological factors like ovulation and reproductive health are essential, emotional well-being and spiritual resilience also play significant roles in the fertility journey.
Understanding and addressing all these aspects holistically can contribute to a more balanced approach to fertility challenges.
People like Sarah and Hannah in the Bible, illustrate the challenges couples faced in conceiving children. Despite their struggles, both women exhibited unwavering faith in God's promises.
Sarah laughed at the prospect of conceiving in her old age but eventually gave birth to Isaac, fulfilling God's covenant with Abraham in Genesis 18:9-15).
Similarly, Hannah fervently prayed for a child and eventually conceived Samuel, dedicating him to God's service in 1 Samuel 1:9-20.
These stories emphasize the power of faith and prayer in overcoming infertility challenges.
The Bible teaches us stewardship of the body, trusting in God's timing, and perseverance in prayer.
We're called to care for our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 while trusting that God's timing is perfect as seen in Ecclesiastes 3:1 and persevering in prayer, knowing that God hears and answers according to Matthew 7:7-8.
Drawing comfort and guidance from Scripture can provide strength and hope throughout the fertility journey.
Now, let's look at
*Practical Strategies for Enhancing Fertility*
👉Maintaining a healthy weight,
👉eating a balanced diet,
👉exercising regularly, and avoiding harmful substances are lifestyle factors that can support fertility.
These habits contribute to overall well-being, hormone balance, and reproductive health, enhancing the chances of conception.
Making healthy choices in these areas can positively impact fertility outcomes.
Alot even young girls that get married, bad eggs
👉Fertility awareness methods, such as tracking basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and menstrual cycles, can help identify ovulation and optimize timing for conception.
By monitoring these signs, couples can pinpoint the most fertile days within the menstrual cycle and increase their chances of conception.
👉Seeking medical advice is recommended if experiencing prolonged delays in conceiving.
Fertility specialists can evaluate potential underlying causes and recommend appropriate treatments, which may include lifestyle changes, medications, assisted reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF), or other interventions.
Various resources, such as fertility clinics, support groups, and online forums, are available to provide guidance and support throughout the fertility journey.
Please leverage on them
Seeking support from trusted friends, family, and the church community is crucial during times of infertility.
Their understanding, encouragement, and prayers can provide emotional strength and comfort, helping couples navigate the challenges with resilience and hope.
Finally for all of us generally,
Encourage open dialogue and empathy towards those experiencing fertility challenges.
I kid you not, it's not easy.
Don't give unsolicited advice.
Create a safe space for honest conversations that would foster understanding, support, and solidarity, offering comfort and strength to those facing difficulties on their fertility journey.
]May God help us all
TRUSTING GOD'S TIMING
TRUSTING GOD'S TIMING
By Mrs. Abigail Oghenefejiro Ukah
6th April 2024
This our topic today na God go help us busher am 😁😁😁" TRUSTING GOD'S TIMING"
Many at times we hear people say " I don't have enough time".."Your are wasting my time" e.t.c
But na who dey run time?
Who is controlling that wall clock in your house or the wristwatch you are wearing, you or your battery in them??
Some persons might say battery Sha, no wahala but if you remove the battery of your clock doesn't stop the tickiing of the clock in others people's house? No
Personally I believe the tickling of the clock from second to seconds is to control the day and night till the end of the world..And of course in Gen 1:5 the Bible made us know he God created the day and night.
So if God is in charge of seasons and time we can never be above or faster than his programming for us even if you fast forward your own clock over 10hours 😁😁. It's good when we map out our lives programming and even arrange it like calendar of how we want the events of our lives to be 👏👏👏👏.
But as Christians and not just Normal people living on Earth we should know that God is interested in every detail and manifestations of our lives...True of false?
Let me say this in capital letters" TO EVERY PROJECT, PLAN, ACHIEVEMENT, DREAMS OF YOUR LIFE, THERE IS AN APPOINTED TIME OF GOD FOR IT CLICK"
Now some of these events happen BEFORE, EXACTLY OR LATER than we expect..Which could be God's agenda, things happening exactly when we want them or later??
Let me tell you some truth" God's time is not facilitate by our timing"..A day is like a thousand years to him and a thousand years to him is like a day... So you just imagine such a heavenly diety?
The Bible said he doesn't seek counsel or advice from any man.
You telling him the date, time and seconds you want something in your life doesn't count.. Fortunately, it could happen exactly as you told him either by his will or your will 😁😁😁..
Now someone might be asking so how are we going to know exactly God's time for us concerning any matter? 🤔🤔🤔
When the time of God is near for any Matter that concerns any of his child he will sure give them awareness by his Spirit...
The Bible in the book of Romans 8:16 made us know God's Spirit dwelling in us is the revealer of any secrets we want from God..
God told Jeremiah that he knew him already even before his mother conceived him and bore him, he God is aware before that time and he orchestrated his parents even meeting themselves am I saying the truth?
And I tell you God would have programmed prophet Jeremiah's parents to know themselves that particular period and got married..And if God didn't that period may Jeremiah's parents would have some other persons and The great prophet wouldn't have been born..
Let me ask us a hard it question and expect all of us to answer..
If your mom and Dad didn't get married, do you think you would have been born?
This reveals to us that God has plans for our marriages and even time for it to happen do we believe it or not?
This topic is not a beans and rice topic for children, I only pray God grants us divine understanding 🙏
We are going to be splitting the topic into 3 parts.
1..Our time
2..The Devil's time
3.. God's time
By God's grace I will try my best to round up today but if not we will continue tomorrow 🙏🙏
1...OUR TIME/TIMING
You know this era our life we will just feel we have come up to age, accountability and possibly stature🤣🤣🤣 and then conclude our vigour, money, connections, education e t.c will give us all we need in this life..
And we don't even see the need to put God in the picture and some persons will say" Nor be everything we go dey stress God for" 🤷♀️🤷🤷
But my Bible says" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..... Just like some of us will say " Am handsome, financially loaded, I know how to play with children 😁😁"..I greatly believe it's time for me to get married..
Have you asked the Lord prayerfully his will concerning your marital life?
Other set of some persons will say by 21 or so I must have been married and they will greatly work towards it..
And they will begin to bisect/ disect all the sisters in fellowship that comes their way even they ones they stethoscope from afar 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I remembered vividly when I was much younger, I did tell myself by 25 years I must get married 🤣
And to God be the glory I began my Christain walk with God at age 18..From that age till 22/23 I left that higher institution marriage matter don't relay freak me..
In short if you come close to me about it I will😏🧐😖🤧🤷♀️👀👣🫵✊✊
It then came to a point when I clocked 24, my time, societal time, the time of friends getting married started tickling loud in my ears, I come dey kabash 🖐️🔥🔥🔥🔥..
Oh Lord bring your servant my way 🤣🤣
24..25years I prayed through no show 😳😳 and that was the year I timed myself to get married..
Christain brothers were proposing, I will go to Lord God in prayers and he will give me detailed message from his throne concerning each of them and indicating CAPITAL NO..
Age 26 I prayed, joined fasting and prayers 💪🏻💪🏻🔥🔥🔥, going for counselling to ministers and indirectly seeking for deliverance you know🤣 and greatly believing God, still no show...
Let me tell you something, mind you those spiritual exercises were not in vain they paved their own way for the right..
It's part of the rites you should indulge in waiting for God's time..
To cut the long story short and for God's name to be the glorified the time of my marriage came and at 27 😁😁 and I saw and knew clearly he is the man God has kept waiting and preparing for..
Are there not some of us that has given God our time, date and even seconds when and who they are going to get married to?.
God many at times been merciful, will warn some o them outrightly " He or she is not the one I have prepared for you".But they will still prayerfully give God 100plus reasons why they should go ahead with the marriage..
God's mercies that endures long will still come to such people by giving some Noble ministers warning to them to back off but they will ignore their spiritual leaders counsel...
And of course God will keep calm and allow them cos his Spirit can strive with mortals.
In time to come when you go back such union alot of patch patch everywhere and some even divorced..
I know of a young minister whose marriage is 4 to 5 but today am talking to you it's scattered already...I was told when he was planning to get married to his wife, several Revelations and warnings came to him to desist from the marriage but he refused.. Today the marriage is scattered and his ministry as well..
Today if God we see trusting and be patient with him he will bring us into the very future he has designed for us .
The psalmist in psalm 40:1 says I waited patiently for the Lord and he inclined unto me and heard my cry .
Who knows how long was the waiting of David untill God gave him rest and victory cos he was surrounded with alot of battles and enemies?
But at the end of it God settled him..
Still on " OUR TIMING"
we all know the story of Abraham and Sarah after God promised to bless them with a Son at 75 for Abraham if am not mistaken..
In-between the years of waiting Abraham's wife suggested her maid to him and he agreed and we saw they product of that effort" ISHMAEL"..
Lolss I don't need to start telling us who the ishmealites are in this current world..
All because it seems as though the time of God is late and they can't wait anymore...
Do we at atimes our timing and plots open ways for the Devil to creep in ?
Cos many at times we want to help God that created the whole universe..
If he God designed the whole earth, what can he not bring to pass in our lives?
Now let's look at the event that took place in Isaiah 38..
God gloriously and gallantly told King Hezekiah my beloved prepare yourself it's time for you to die...
Oh my God imagine such a privilege to know when God wants to take you eternity? 😳🤦♀️🙆♀️
But do you know what King Hezekiah began to do? kabashing, blast in tongues, quoting scriptures to God, telling God of his great exploits In the Lord and how he demolished the idolatrous zones of Israel 👏👏👏..
And God said okay oo if you want more years to stay oya take and he added 15 extra years for him to live?
But do you know the unfortunate thing?Those 15 extra years were wasted years cos he backslided and was even the king that fulfilled the prophecy of the children of isrealite been in captivity in Babylon..And at the end he didn't make it to heaven..
That's is it today, we wanting it this pattern without consulting God and seeing his own view above it..
God will tell his Son" This lady you are interested in is actually my daughter but you both can't align in the ministry I have called"..
But Bro will tell God" Are you not the one that says it's not God for a man to be alone?"😖😖😖😖
That God said you shouldn't be alone doesn't mean just any man or woman should be in your space... Like I said earlier that our timing and plots can give the devil chance to creep into our lives..
The Devil's time
Of course we all know he is come to kill, steal and to destroy..
He usually shows up when our striving and efforts failed us yakata..
In Ecclesiastes 10:8 b I think the Bible said he that breaks the hedge the serpent will bite..
At times some ministers quotes that Bible passage when a Christain falls into the sin of immorality but it's not only that cos when want to be faster than God we break our spiritual Hegde by casting away our trust from him.
The enemies time is to whisper discouragement in you telling you how God doesn't love you and can't help you if not your expectations should have been met.
I told us that our failed timing is what primarily brings the Devil's time our way. In his era if we be not strong in the Lord will loose our most holy Faith. His time is tell you with all the powers and greatness of God you were, he changed in your situations...And some of will become angry with God in the secret..
In the Devil's time, he will just strategically positioned everything not to be working after our calendar failed us. Just like the case of job, all evil befalling him in just one day if am not mistaken, though in his case he didn't break the Hegde God did trying to prove something to Satan.
In His time , he will tells us we are just waiting our time serving God and that if we continue by 45 years of age we won't even get married...
And a son/daughter of God will just rush and marry and unbeliever. He Satan will stir up some people not led by the Spirit of God to ask you where is the evidence of Faith..
They will say" This one you carry church for head hope say you go marry so"?
" As you wear botton up to down shirt hope say person go see you marry so"?
All these 👆🏻👆🏻 happening because we wanted to move faster than God, we want to tell him what to do and when to do it, we drifted in our hope/trust in him. I remember when I was still unmarried serving God fervently then in campus, some colleagues will be laughing at me if i will graduate and even see who to marry me because of my great believe in the Lord..But today God settled even before many of them and today when I drop the word of God online there are amongst those that will click the like button...
Is God not faithful?
Yes of course faithful is he that have called us.
The Devil tells you " Haven't you prayed and fasted enough?"
That your night vigils are futile and if we are not careful we start looking for soothsayers, fortune tellers to reveal the future for us and so even visit babalawo houses to make the clock tick in their own fixed time. We know of King Saul that couldn't wait for prophet Samuel and he went ahead to do the sacrifice he shouldn't do and from there he became a consultant of witches and wizard and we all know his end.. It's unfortunate in the enemies time, some persons get into terrible destructions/ disaster if God doesn't show mercies or intervene..
Some even loose out completely from God's programming and death part them away .
I watched a video of Apostle Johnson suleman some days ago, he narrated a tragic story of one of his sons in the Lord..
He said the young man brought a lady to show him saying he wants to marry her and by the eyes of the Spirit he saw the lady wasn't an ordinary human being and warned him to keep off..
But he ignored his counsels and even stopped pickinging Apostles calls and responding to his messages..
To cut the long story short the young man died I think barely a year into that relationship and the lady was no where to be found on Earth..
See some persons might not be lucky in their timing cos the devil is a devourer.
I once shared a story of a teenager I knew very well in the higher institution who enin her 200l at age 18 said God told her she will marry that year 😳😳👀👀..
See me na wey be her mama at age 23 never dey reason marriage...
I counseled this girl of the need for to pray earnestly and be sure she heard the voice of God clearly...She insisted and me hands off make e nor be say I dey jealous or nor want good her way.
To cut long story short, brother got her pregnant during their marriage plans and zoomed off and she couldn't bear the shame she delve into abortion... Today as I talked to you she never got married to that man, she backslided from the faith🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
This happened about 7 years ago..
When we want to be faster than God, the devil seize that opportunity to mess up our lives and possibly instill delays of which might give him that privilege because we failed to trust..
In the book of Isaiah the Bible said in the days of the Lord's power the people shall be willing..
The time of the Lord is the time of deliverance, breakthrough, miracles, testimonies, liberation e.t.c. Somebody say" The time/era of the Lord" 😁😁😁😁😁 It's a time having believing God unwavering, praying ceaselessly, trusting in his greatness, obeying his words, patiently waiting upon him and alas him showing up for us and causing his light to shine upon us ✨🔥💥
So many thousands of years ago the people of God wept, lamented and gnashed their teeth in the land of Egypt asking " Oh where is the God of our Father Abraham, Isaac and Jacob"? This dey did for many years in that Land..
And even Moses initially tried to help God by killing an Egyptian but kasala blow...
But the Lord said " Oh man chill, when it's time I the Lord will make it happen"
The Bible said also in Isaiah on that day the burden of the people shall be lifted up from their shoulders and because of the anointing yokes shall broken.. And it came to pass on that particular day God came on board for the Israelites and they were freed from the Egyptian bondage. In the time of God he works unhindered, he works when we have seen our strength has failed us just as Moses saw that killing an Egyptian couldn't free the Israelites instead worsen matters. In the era of God, man, spirits, yokes, curses can't hinder him because he has all powers in his hands. Somebody shout" Oh Lord let your power come upon me tonight and break every barrier and protocols in Jesus name.Amen
Decree🔊🔊🔊🔊
When it's the time of the Lord he will alert us, give us signs and possibly weapons of victory by his Spirit Divine. For they that do know, believe, and trust in their God shall do exploits..
In the time of the Lord, we will do things right, we won't be misled nor make mistakes...
Hallelujah 🙌🙏🙏
And someone might asking" What should I do to bring God's time my way in all that concerns me?
My belove
1: Your endeavor to obey his words
2: Trust in him alone, for woe is him that puts his trust In man, trust in riches , chariots e t.c
3: Prayerfully bulid your faith in the Lord and ensure you don't waver cos his time is only when we are in faith and not out of faith .
4: Be consistent in your prayer life, praying non stop and without seasons.
5: Reminding him of his promises that falls to you in his words. .
If we do these things, he Emmanuel will show up for us...
I say he will give us victory over every lives battles.
I say he will heal our diseases and infirmities we have been battling with. I say he will break every yoke and curses upon us in Jesus name...Amen
Before I round up I want us to make few prayers...
1, Oh Lord give me the Grace and Spiritual virtues to wait patiently for you concerning the matters that concerns my life 🙏🙌🙌🙌
2, Oh Lord don't let me miss your time and programming for my life cos it's a dangerous thing to fall into the hands of the Lord" 🙌🙌🙌🙏
3, Father Lord, rescue our brethren that went ahead of you and are now in serious troubles and torture of the enemies 🙌🙌🙌
The time/era of the Lord
Thank you Father because I know you have heard and answered us tonight, blessed be unto your name in Jesus name we have prayed. Amen 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you, thank you, thank you, beloved, for your time and presence. God bless us richly 🙏🙏🙏
If we have any questions, we can ask here, or if it's private, you can dm me... Thanks and God bless us all 🙏
God richly bless you ma for the time you took to emphasise on this topic. Thanks ma'am..
Technology and Screen Time
Technology and Screen Time
By Mr Oluwaseyi Festus
16th March 2024
To start with, let us dissect what technology itself is
The etymology of the word technology is from Greek words, which we can summarise as the expression (Logos) of an art, skill of craft. So, literally, we can say technology is the physical and tangible expression of an art, skill or craft in a practical way or manner, designed to alter the human environment for better (sometimes for worse) and to make human lives easier and more productive.
Of course, Technology is anything that makes life easier. Let's think of a means of passing information;…Imagine having to send messengers, from Abuja to all state capitals, every week on horses to tell Federal Civil Servants about a new government policy. Or imagine you will have to trek from Badagry to Lekki because you want to have a business discussion with a business partner... Or let's think of trying to count the billions in Otedola's account;...and we are still using cowries. Or we still have to use donkeys and oxen to make ridges for planting.
These are some of countless examples where technology helped to make our lives better and easier. And a great part of these technological inventions is the telephone and its younger but more advanced brother, the Cellphone (Mobile handset).
Way back in 1926, Nikola Tesla made some predictions after the advent of the telephone, let me quote a bit of it: *_"When wireless is perfectly applied the whole earth will be converted into a huge brain, which in fact it is, all things being particles of a real and rhythmic whole. We shall be able to communicate with one another instantly, irrespective of distance. Not only this, but through television and telephony we shall see and hear one another as perfectly as though we were face to face,..."_* And we know this is very true in this age,...real-time video conferencing, video calls, etc are all an in-thing now.
He also said: *_"A man will be able to carry one in his vest pocket."_* And of course, if you are reading this, you must have carried at least one phone in your pocket today. However, before Tesla's prediction, the world had seen some tough predictions about the ills that technological advancements in phones would create. And now, these predictions are coming true, going by the fact that we now see adults in the same room that might not be talking to each other but will be smiling at their phones due to the interesting chats they are having with another adult who is hundreds or thousands of kilometres away.
We now have people giving up on living in their physical environment with their relatives but get locked up in a virtual environment with friends scattered around the globe. We will remember when the cellphone (mobile handset) was initially introduced to Nigeria;...we know it as GSM. But the street parlance is General Street Madness;...when you just see someone talking loudly and laughing with an imaginary person at the other end.
These above is still centred about adults …let’s now imagine the impact these will have on children who aren’t matured enough to understand the ills of the mobile phone technology. We should know and be acutely aware that technology is a double-edged sword for adults and kids; destructive and saving in equal measures. It offers incredible learning opportunities and at the same time life/personality-damaging opportunities.
In today's world, we have become way too reliant on technology so much that it had led to redundancy among the 20th and 21st century humans. I am not sure the present world can boast of such category of deep and forward thinkers like we had from the 1500s to the 1900s. What we discover in this age is that, over reliance on technology and by using less of our natural ingenuity had led to a situation whereby we have tech-savvy humans whose ability and capability is now technology-based but not ingenious;…many of us now use AI to do lots of works that our ingenious side would do better, although which will surely stress us to think deeply and takes time.
I am referring to adults here. By and large, too much dependency on technology had created weak-thinking humans and far less generation-defining innovators.
Now, let’s narrow this talk down to the use of technology for kids; use of phones, TV and laptops. We should know that excessive screen time, that is too much time spent on the phone, *will always* have downsides.
Too much time spent on the phone for anybody can be likened to what King David experienced when he was spending excessive time in the palace when he should have been more productive on the battlefield;...such a person will see what he/she shouldn't have seen!
Again, too much time on the phone or too much time watching TV or too much time on the computer will definitely lead to seeing what shouldn’t have been seen, reading what shouldn't have been read and hearing things that shouldn't have been heard.
We know various devilish things fly on the internet, social media and via the cable network (TV) these days. Don't get me wrong, the use of technology is great, it makes life easier for humans, young or old. But there are levels and stages to everything.
A Yoruba adage says and I loosely translate it as: *_"We give cutlass and hoe to a child when he/she is old enough to handle one"_* That said, allowing a kid of any age under 18, to get *too reliant* on technology _(mainly the three I mentioned earlier)_ deprives them of using their ingenuity and stops them from developing the critical thinking side of their brains
Also, allowing a kid to make research via google, instead of using his/her brains to think on how to do a particular write-up while consulting his/her textbooks, is actually bad in the first place. Now allowing such kid to spend far more time using your phone to do research might lead to him/her getting inquisitive online, thereby opening websites that are dangerous; sites that might push illicit contents or sites that may want to be used to hack your phones and harvest your data.
Allowing a kid far too much time watching TV, makes them get to a point whereby, they get addicted to some particular programs and might forget they have assignments to do or chores to attend to, thereby creating indolent kids who may grow up to become great procrastinators. Allowing your kid to spend much time on the laptop connected to the internet, is even far worse than you can imagine.
There was a time in Ekiti state around 2012-2013, when former governor, Fayemi, distributed mini laptops to secondary school students, although they were meant for academic purposes only, but they weren’t configured in that way. The access these kids had to the internet and contents some of their parents might not have had access to before, led to a spike in the rate of rape cases among students ranging from 12 to 17, in Ado-Ekiti, which I heard of because I was in Ekiti state then. It was meant to be structured like Osun State's Opon Imo, but I guess it was a lapse.
That said, we should consider some ways and means to navigate through this issue:
Ways we are to help ourselves and our kids not to get trapped in the negative side of the world of technology and not to land in the *Cell* that comes with phone;...that made oyinbos call it *CELLPHONE*!
First and foremost, we should understand why we must use technology and what are the challenges that comes with it? Horrible actually. As a school teacher, I see firsthand what this is. Part of the why is that there are educational apps, channels and websites, even games that give resources that can also help kids learn better;...I once stumble on some channels: Discovery and another that talks about Engineering...these can help kids better than Nickelodeon _(if I get the name correctly)_, and this is not saying they cant watch cartoons o.
Understanding the challenges in the usage of this, we need to know that excessive screen time can displace physical activity, hinder social development, and disrupt sleep patterns.
Even adults sometimes will not sleep till 1am or 2am watching movies, or programmes or doing some things online.
This may be harsh, but it is true,...it is not a sign of being a good parent if you watch BBN till past 12am and a worse state of failed parenting to allow your kids do the same! That said,...as parents, we will have to create rules and observe them by ourselves as well. African kids learn by what they see not by what they heard.
The use of Google Family Link has also helped in placing adequate restrictions on what our kids watch on their tablets and PC.... Experiencing this first hand.... From anywhere in the world provided there is Internet on the two devices, I can adequately control my daughter's devices. To control the use of technology and the time spent on screen, we have to set rules:
The use of Google Chromebook is also a fantastic device for educational purposes. One of the things to do, incase the child wants to do things online is;
1. *Do it Together*
When you co-view or co-play with your children, and find other activities to do together that are healthy for the body and mind. Great examples include reading, talking and playing together.
Read it together, watch it together and get through it together.
And again; we should set rules for physical activity where everybody is away from technological gadgets to live and relate in the physical environment.
We should set the time rule for when to sleep and when to read. We should balance the time between playing, tech-time, chore-time, sleep time.
We should recognise that your own media use can have a negative effect on children. We encourage families to develop personalised media use plans. Media plans should take into account each child's age, health, personality, and developmental stage.
And so, we should be very responsible in how we do this around the kids. And again, we should focus on contents the kids consume;...in case of doubts, you can go to check the browsing history of what browser the kid used when you aren't there to do it together.
You need to be a tech role Model: Show your kids how you use technology responsibly. Limit your own screen time, especially during family time.
Co-engagement is Key: Engage with your kids in their digital world. Play educational games together, discuss online content, and guide them towards safe and enriching online experiences.
We have lots of sharks and vultures outside there waiting to exploit kids and their naivety online.
About Cyberbullying: Talk to your kids about online safety. Teach them to be respectful online and report any bullying behavior.
Social Media Blues: Discuss the unrealistic portrayals on social media and the importance of self-worth beyond online validation.
*PLEASE DO THIS PAINSTAKINGLY!*
Lastly, remember this:
Open Communication is Key: Talk openly with your kids about technology and its potential pitfalls. Create a safe space for them to ask questions and voice concerns.
Be a part of their lives, not always in the authoritative way, but also come down to their level of reasoning, using your mentality as a kid and your wisdom as an adult to guide them.
And be flexible in your approach according to the age ranges.
Technology can be a powerful tool for learning and exploration. Guide your kids to use it responsibly and reap the many benefits it offers.
Guide them by using yourself as a living, worthy and responsible example.
May God help us all to be worthy and responsible parents.
Domestic, not delegated parenting
Domestic, not delegated parenting
By Pastor Fatoye
9th March 2024
Our text is Psalms 78:1-8
Which says: “My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old— things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us. We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. They would not be like their ancestors— a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.”
The topic is Domestic, not delegated parenting
Buy my own understanding this means a family commitment as a parent in the home. It is so sad today that children do not know their parents today due to work, lifestyle and challenges.
For me, I was born into a family where I grew up to know my parents and I stay with them for 17 years before I went to seminary. So many children were in boarding school at the early age no wonder there is a break in link of godliness in our younger generations.
Key things to note is
✔️ Morality
✔️Identity
✔️Ability.
Our text is relevant to the topic because it link us back to the source of reasoning of why we are where we are today. An adage says those who knows there history will never vanish. The trends of things in our society is alarming. Many children are breeding evil and as a matter of facts if care is not taken it’s going to be like the Generations that knows nothing about God.
Our value system is down grading by the day and we need to prover solutions to save our kind.
If we fold our hands and say nothing. We are not going to move forward.
Parenting is our responsibility not our Grand parents, our children’s teacher, baby sitter or Nanny. God has given us this responsibility to build this Children.
Parenting is a link between the generations past and those of the future. Children are Gods Gifts “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.”
Psalms 127:3-4
Our understanding of this is that our children belongs to God first, to our family and community.
In training, we as Christians should discern the type of traditions that goes in line with the obedience of God which are contrary to our belief.
*Morality*
As godly parents you are to build on traditions where your children are trained to honour God as creator. Your children is in the church not worshiping but sleeping or pressing phone. You don’t know his click of friends to know your child’s true personality.
Teach them how to respect older people as mother or father, acknowledge age mates as brothers and sisters to treat their younger ones as siblings and care for strangers as a fellow humans from experience the little children learn fast by example. How do you treat your parents in the the presence of your children? This training cannot be done via social network but doing it the Bible way. Deuteronomy 6:4-7 says:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
*Identity*
It’s difficult for many children to figure out who they really are. Social media has bastardized everything and it’s difficult for them to make choices without an external influence. What does this children see every day in a home. Joy or chaos?
Many failed marriages and delayed ones has a link with parenting. A lot of attractive baggage’s is to be discouraged if we collectively as a parent find time out of of no time teach your values and offer resources for finding their identity and resiliency.
*Ability*
I think most African parents need more time to discover this in their children. This is a golden time to know the purpose God almighty created them for. Some will impose a career or lifestyle that does not work for the child which may affect the child’s future.
Permit me to conclude, I have more but my time is gone.
The results of separation from the children is overemphasized on academics and less emphasis on discipline patience, morality, self confidence and other values that are foundational to character building.
To derive this we need love, stability and modeling, which can only happen if the parents are constantly present. Remember children learn best when they are near their parents.
Thanks so much. May the Lord almighty bless you all and give us a happy home in Jesus Name.
Teaching Strategies for Nurturing Challenging Children (Especially Teens)
Teaching Strategies for Nurturing Challenging Children (Especially Teens)
By Mr Oluwaseyi Festus
24th February 2024
Teaching Strategies for Nurturing Challenging Children (Especially Teens)
Father Lord, as we go into this, be with us. Open the eyes and ears of our hearts, help us to use Your words to break stony hearts and mend broken ones. And let the light of Your Word illuminate our hearts and paths. In Jesus Name we pray.
Again, our topic for tonight is Teaching Strategies for Nurturing Challenging Children (Especially Teens). As we all know, the teenage years is the real formative section of any child's life. Just like secondary school education is virtually the major formative foundation for a child’s career path, so also is the teenage years the formative foundation for what the adult version will be.
Teenage years is that time where an Absalom can be made, a Solomon can be formed and the sons of Jonadab can be instructed;....it is a part that decides what a child will grow up to be:
A terror
A coldhearted being
A lover
An instructor
A great leader
We should know that whatever form of building block is used in these years determines how solid or how malformed the teen will later be. And whatever ground the blocks are arranged on will also determine how lasting the built building (teen) will be. Having said all these;...it brings me to the point, how do we teach and nurture teens!
I want to believe all teenagers are challenging to teach and nurture, because as the Bible puts it in Proverbs 22:15"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him." This "foolishness" can be many things,....and *_"the rod of correction"_* isn't always a cane.
The practical aspect of teaching and nurturing a child, especially a teenager, is very challenging ESPECIALLY if that child/teenager has a bad role model in the home where he/she was born. Most of us are familiar with this family court episodes in US;...I watched a particular episode where a woman took her husband to the court because he was so nice, he never yelled on her, he never raised his hands on her, he never hit her; and so she felt he didn't love her enough.
Obviously as a child/teen, the girl in that woman had gotten used to various forms of physical and verbal abuse disguised as love. Many other stories about,...scarred bodies and scarred hearts that these teens will not want to let out the cause.
So, how do we nurture the broken ones and the ones that are still intact to some extent?? Mind you, being born in Nigeria, is a scar on its own, as a matter of fact, it is one long and big physical scar and one very deep mental scar. I discovered that teenage years comes with various forms of packages that are being unboxed by the kid, depending on how the kid is being directed and what is presented to that kid.
Part of the attributes that are to be unboxed in these formative years are, but not limited to:
1. Forming an identity
2. Being adventurous, energetic and wanting to take _"Are you ok"_ risks
3. Wanting to be independent and possibly rebellious
4. Physical, emotional, hormonal maturity
5. Intellectual growth (astronomically aided by present day technologies)
To help any teen in gaining a positive foothold and unboxing the good part of humanity in him or her, whoever wants to nurture and teach such child must actually do some things to be able to unlock the gates to the unboxing chamber or a teens life. Practically, as a teen, we always believe we know better than those older ones because they are now old schools and we are the new school who knows the better ways to do things. _(we've all been here before)_.
If you have never felt like this as an SS1 student, raise up your hand...
I guess those of us online who read this were guilty of these thoughts and feelings. Not guilty I'll say. _Na normal runs_ 😃
So, the first thing in the list of steps if we want to help teach and nurture a child is this:
1. The need to rewind your mindset to how you feel as a teenager.
A Yoruba adage says and loosely translates *_"Whoever will catch a monkey must act like a monkey."_*. The first thing a teenager will look for in the person that wants to teach and nurture him or her is *_how relatable is this brother/sister?_*
I found out that teens quickly build a ferro-concreted lead wall around their hearts when the person trying to advise them is acting like a man living in the ivory towers. To teach and nurture a teen, you have to first come down to their levels and relate your personal experiences with them while you are like them;...not in a judgmental way but in a way like *_"oh boy, I was like you jare."_* And this is why younger boys trying petty in-house crimes get a role model when they meet one terrible _egbon adugbo_ that calls and tells them how they do things when they were younger.
2. to teach and nurture a teen; after coming down to their levels, you will have to build a trust-based relationship with them. Like I said earlier, we can't be judgmental in our assessment of them and we can't afford to relate with them out of pity; our trust-based relationship will surely come with empathy and not sympathy. A teen will quickly close shops if he/she discovers you are relating based on sympathy. But will trust you better if you come with empathy. After building this trust-based relationship out of empathy, the next thing to consider is:
3. Focus first on the positive aspects of the teen.
As adults, we all know that to disarm any terrible or tough superior at work, or _(to the guys)_, breaking the ice with a stone-faced sister; a glowing and honest compliment makes such person smile from within. So, to be able to get close so as to effect positive teaching and nurturing in a teen's life, we need to initially focus on his/her strengths first, give glowing but VERY HONEST praises where and as at when due;...avoid flattery.
After this disarming, the next stumbling block to be removed will be done by:
4. Set clear boundaries and what to expect.
If we get too close to a teen without setting some rules, disrespect, that will ultimately destroy whatever teaching and nurturing we are trying to do, will set in.
Remember, *_familiarity breeds contempt."_*.
So, set boundaries, set expectations, set clear rules of engagement and set positive discipline.
5. Help them promote growth and positive development.
Mind you, when a teen sees you as being commanding or sees any propensity of an adult-hijack of his/her decisions, such teen may back off. Allow them grow while guiding them in growth.
Just like a farmer guides the sprawling leaves of a growing yam seed;
water these teens,
allow them grow
show them where a negative growth might lead to
foresee mistakes using your own experiences to guide them to avoid such pothole
*And most importantly, allow them to make a mild mistake and let them learn.*
And as part of teaching and nurturing them, let them take responsibilities for their actions or inactions
Foolishness in a child/teen will always surface, but the rod of correction via words of advise, heavy/light reprimand in equal measure, empathy, sense of *_"nothing is beyond mending"_* and *_"it is never too late to retrace your steps"_* will help in resetting the pathway of a challenging teen who may be living life like a rudderless ship lacking compass on the Pacific ocean.
In summary, to teach and nurture children and teens, we should come down to their level, help them grow, correct them flexibly as their are no one cast-in-stone pattern of correction;...and most importantly, do it in the love of God to instill the wisdom of God in them.
Raising Boys in this Generation
Raising Boys in this Generation
By Tembo Nani
10th February 2024
We know that as the world is getting more civilised, especially with the spate of technological innovation and high demand for delivering various corporate levels, it is not easy to combine so many aspects of life and be effective across the board. Let's not try to be churchy about it; it is not easy. Nothing good comes easy. But also, whatever is important deserves priority, no matter the difficulty in attending to it adequately. One of these is family, especially raising those glorious children God gave us. The recommended setting is that two parents, a mature male and female, raise children together. After all, two of them joined to make the baby. However, the realistic situation today is more often far from what was recommended, but this doesn't nullify the potency and supernatural impact of the recommended.
Children, especially boys, as they grow, tend to quickly outgrow their mother's words, but when they hear the voice of their father, they adjust appropriately. These researchers also affirm. There is that authority or fear that accompanies the father's voice that makes children behave themselves. But we also know that it is comparatively easier for children to meet their mothers than their fathers. They're closer to their mothers from their baby days than their fathers. After all, the care and nourishment they receive is more directly from their mother. And so, where you find the father affirming the words of the mother to make the boys behave, this instils in them a consciousness whereby when their mother speaks, they hear the father's voice. It's not that the father will now be barking out orders to the boys, no, this is not barracks, and they're not soldiers. There has to be a sweet, civil, dependable relationship, too, to enshrine the life you're imparting in them. From this sweet relationship, where you see the mother caring for them and she tells them, "Go and tell daddy thank you..." that sends a message to them that their father cares for them too. They will begin to see their father in what their mother does and appreciate their mother when they see their father. That is the recommended template.
But then, even if this doesn't apply to you (e.g single parents, especially mothers, being married to unbelieving spouses, etc.), you can ask God for wisdom in how to raise your children, especially boys, just like Sonya did, and the result was astonishing. We'll share some of this later and also dwell more on the recommended principles, which are still relevant to date. Also, the age category I will dwell on will be 0-12, maybe a little of 13-19, because they can still be called boys.
How do you raise boys in this generation?
1. Train yourself. If we say it's not easy to raise children, know that it's far more difficult to correct adults. And this is where we will have a problem. You can't give what you don't have. If you tell your children God answers prayers, do they see you pray? Do you even have time for them? Do they see in you the testimonies they read or which you tell them from the Bible? You tell them it's bad to lie, but you are still the one who says, "Tell anyone asking for me I'm not around", and you're in the house. You tell them to be a person of your word, but how do you want them to take you seriously when you promise and fail? You said you would buy something for them on your way back, you didn't, they ask you, you say, "Get out of here and go and sleep! You don't even know what the country is saying..."
How will they believe in the God you later preach to them when they see you constantly inconsistent with your words and actions? Younger children could forget, but as they grow older, you set them up for confusion, and most likely, they won't believe your words. They should see in you and followable example of what you tell them. I listened to this teenage boy talk many years ago about the pent-up pain of many years, and the words he used were very heavy. Part of what he said was that people saw his dad as a very good man, taking care of people around him outside (church, office) "...but we are in pain in the house and he doesn't care." How? He explained, and being close to the family, I saw truth in everything he said. He was a quiet boy, but he had to talk that day. Is it unfair treatment, not asking or listening to reasons before concluding, just judging, never being there for them physically at home... He went on and on.
These things had been happening for years, even when he was a preteen. I asked God for wisdom in handling the matter, and God helped me. Myself and the mother finally talked with the father, the man was thunderstruck and physically remorseful. He was unaware that he had derided and deprived his family for so long. He said he would adjust, but that was a flash in the pan. Not long after, he did worse than before. Is it easy to change an adult?
Changing adults? Only God can, and still it won't happen at the snap of a finger; it takes time. On the contrary, I know someone who told me that he was relaxing with his children when his six-year-old daughter said she was hungry and would like to eat bread. He told her there was no bread, and she said, "Shebi God answers prayers, daddy pray to God." He told her God can answer your prayers too, and they prayed.
This father, a missionary, didn't have the money, but he told her they would eat bread tomorrow with faith. He went out the next morning and said he got a credit alert he wasn't expecting, so he quickly sorted out some bills. On his way, he said he had just thought to buy bread, but he had completely forgotten the discussion with his daughter. When he got home, and she saw the bread, she shouted as she ran to greet her dad, "Daddy! God answered our prayers, you brought bread!" It was then he remembered. Talk of modelling a life consistent with your words. And God credited that simple faith in the life of both the father and daughter. Tell me, who can convince that daughter otherwise? What are your boys seeing in you vis-à-vis the scriptures?
Even before you give birth to children, you're raising them in the way you live your life. Everything you do is recorded in your genes, and DNA is very, very powerful. I remember I returned from school many years ago and became more aware of my father's sleeping posture. I noticed that unconsciously, I always slept in that posture, and when I saw it again that day, it struck me. Subsequently, I tried changing it, but it wasn't comfortable. DNA. I just smiled now as I typed. You know why? My legs are crossed in bed right now exactly as my father does.
People see me today and think I am a southpaw by birth, but no, I trained myself in it. Guess what? It was only two years ago that my father said he tried training himself to use his left when he was a young adult, too, but dropped it not long after. I started mine many years before he shared his story. My two-year-old son has used his left hand conveniently since birth. What started as an acquired trait has become an inherited trait in the third generation. DNA.
I told my wife I hold our son's left hand to do his assignments, and she would tease back saying, "We know where he got that from..." I would say, you can also try it on, and she would say, "Ehennnn, try kor..." 😂😅 Abraham lied that Sarah was his sister at a time they had no child. Isaac lied the same way in his own time, too. Repeated sequence from DNA.
What are you recording in your loins today? DNA will show us the result when your children come on the scene. Even though our children will make their own choices too, at least let their DNA produce a positive template for them to work. I've heard single guys say, _"See these old men dey tell us make we comot for street sey nothing dey there after dem don chop life, even scatter street during their time. Taar! We no go gree, we sef go enjoy that street, later we go tell those wey dey come behind too sey nothing dey dere. But we go chop am first."_
And what do they mean by "enjoy street?" It's flirting, womanising, multiple dating, fornication/adultery, drinking, etc. And these get recorded in their loins. If you want to raise boys in this generation, start with yourself now. No matter how you try to hide it, they will find out, and they will ask questions. Live what you teach.
2. Treat your wife well. I can easily say "treat their mother well," but that wouldn't emphasise you as the man. These children are going to be raised in a home, and make it a godly one. This starts with you and your wife. She is first your wife before she became their mother. Emphasis: your wife. Talk to her with respect. When you shout at her, use harsh words on her and beat her, you are training your boys to disrespect and molest women. Even though they may not like what you're doing to their mother, they may likely do the same to their wife when they grow up because that's what they watched while growing. In fact, they may believe that using their fists and flexing muscles is what makes a man and the way to correct females, including their spouse. That's very wrong. If you have issues with your wife, discuss and settle them privately. Let them see a man who supports his wife, gists with her, makes the home cheerful, discusses issues to decide what to do in the house, not argue and shout up and down.
A young girl of 3 or 4 went to school on Monday and told the grandma that her dad and mom were shouting on themselves at home when they returned from church the previous day. The grandma who owned the school where the daughter works as a teacher wondered what had happened and so asked the daughter. She said her husband was angry that the church called a committee on him to settle a matter he didn't report to them, thinking his wife had reported him to them.
This man never believed it wasn't his wife, despite repeated pleas and explanations that she wasn't the one. It was then that the grandma said, because she was friends with their pastor, she told the pastor to help her talk to her son-in-law about an issue she observed that she didn't know the pastor would call people on him. Just like that, the house was on fire for weeks, and the children were caught up in it. For some people, fighting between their parents is their regular, live Nollywood movie every day. Such children, especially boys, will grow to think violence is the answer or by aggression alone is how you can make your point known. No, it shouldn't be.
P.S.: As it applies to the man, it applies to the wife.
You both decided to bring innocent children into this world; the least you can do is raise them well. Let the house be full of positive statements, encouragement, blessings and when giving discipline, it shouldn't be with foul language. Some women will say, "If I slap you, you will forget who your father is..." The father offended you ni? Or, "The head of your father's family is not correct." Please na, free the papa, abeg
I witnessed one mother scold the child saying, "See how she is looking like a bird." This mother had been doing such for a long time and was unyielding to correction, but that day I was so angry in my spirit and right there I retorted, "What!? How can you say that about your own child? Did you give birth to a bird? Come on!" She tried explaining it away, but unsuccessfully, as other women also cautioned her there. She was unapologetic, but got the message; however, till today she hasn't stopped it. In fact, the latest news I heard about her was even worse. The men may say it's a character defect of the wife that's making them have issues in the house, sorry, who married her?
Wife can say the man is the problem, but who accepted his advances? You both sort yourself out and raise your children rightly, and this starts from the kind of home you make for your wards. We see the devious, inhuman actions of many young boys today. Talk of drug addiction, ritual killing for money, kidnapping, which is at an alarming rate today and many such societal ills championed mainly by men, but they were boys who grew up in a house or who were discipled in the street, far from the wholesomeness of a home. These need rescuing; the generation coming next can be worse if we don't get it right now.
3. Teach them:
- To be domestic. Gone are the days when the chores for the boys are clearing compound grass, packing out gutter sand, etc. There are no more grasses to clear these days anyway, especially in Lagos. Even if there are, train your boys to assist in the kitchen.
- Tembo Nani: Learning to cook will help them in the future; in fact, it will help them today. Take it that you're building their entrepreneurial skills. Ask those who buy food around their office how much they spend. It costs so much and doesn't fill that much.
- Tembo Nani: Besides, you would be building a wonderful helper for your daughter-in-law when he marries.
- To dress presentably: Wash and iron their clothes properly. Young boys aged 3 to 9 years can be really playful. It can be a load of work washing their clothes when their hands are not strong enough to do so for themselves. That is not an excuse for them to be dirty or wear dirty clothes everywhere. No. When I see adults wear rumpled clothes to the office, I just pity their children. Let them see the dignity in dressing well - clothes neat and ironed. It means you, as the parents, must live that way.
Learn a thing from the military - you will never, well, I have never seen any of them on the road wearing clothes not ironed or shoes having yesterday's shine or one button off. Never. They are always looking 10/10. But some parents will just put legs inside sandals, no dusting or polishing at all, dirty like that. It will show in the way their children are raised, and it is not good. Please note that I never said anything about buying expensive clothes. I said dress your boys in neat, well-washed and ironed clothes.
In addition, their hair should be cut in time, not when everywhere is full and probably "dada" is about to grow from one corner of the head. Many teachers lament about the poor care parents give their children, especially boys. Some parents even "dump" them in school. I used that word because the parents won't put in the school bags extra diapers, cloth, etc in their children. Even food packed is as if they were forced to cook. Please...
To limit screen time. That means you, as a parent, cannot be driving and chatting on the phone. No! Sonya Carson noticed her boys were glued to the TV and were failing in school. She couldn't read, was abandoned by her husband with 2 boys, worked as a cleaner in a professor's house, wasn't earning much and didn't know what to do. She prayed to God and He gave her wisdom. She gave them 1 hour a day to watch a TV program of their choice. Not more than 1 hour. She told them they'll do their assignments every day and read a book from the library every week, which they'll summarise and show her. And God helped her to take a firm stand on these rules.
The boys never knew that she couldn't read what they submitted to her. The once called dullard became the brightest in the class and went on to be a pediatric neurosurgeon. He is the renowned Dr. Ben Carson. His brother went on to become a successful engineer. To enjoy learning new things: Let them read the traditional way - opening hard-copy books, not on the phone. It is easy to enter WhatsApp when they say they're reading on their phone. As they are growing, get them good books apart from their school books. Let them learn new vocabulary and the meanings, read with them, discuss points, and make it interesting. You will have to be close to them from their childhood days for this to be less frictional in their teen years.
Take them with you to your office occasionally, especially when you have special events there. Let them know what you do, and familiarise themselves with your people outside the home. It solidifies or makes whole their knowledge of who their father/mother is outside the house. It will be less difficult to know who their friends are because children tend to say things are. Do not shun them when they're asking you questions, even if they keep repeating it; develop the tenacity to keep explaining to them. When they hit their teen years, it will be relatively easier to relate to them.
David missed this in his first generation children - Absalom, Amnon, Adonijah. But thank God he got it right on his youngest, Solomon. You would see this from Solomon's words in: Proverbs 4:1-4 [1] Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. [2] For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. [3] For I was my father's son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. [4] He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live. (KJV)
Keyword: also, meaning in addition.
All that you read from chapters 1-9 were the words of his father. What a boy, recording all these in his memory! Chapter 10 heading says - The Proverbs of Solomon. This same wise son was the one who said foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction drives it away. 22:15. That's why I don't accept these so-called modern laws of not beating a child, as copied from the whites. Many older white Christian apologetics reject these laws. I've read a couple of books from revered writers and heard others' teachings saying it's wrong not to flog children.
You don't leave a child to grow on his own neither will talking always get the result needed from them. The Bible can never be wrong saying "flog them" of course as appropriate and use words when they are beyond flogging age.
2/11/24, 8:24 PM - Tembo Nani: Bible clearly said foolishness is bound in the heart of a CHILD! The antidote is not, _"Kevin, stop that you know it's not proper. O come on."_
And the child will say, _"Daddy get out of my room"_
and you will say, _"Okay, we'll talk about it tomorrow."_
2/11/24, 8:24 PM - Tembo Nani: Excuse me? Flogging is the antidote. The recommended place to flog is their bumbum but make them know why you're flogging them. It's discipline. It's not everything you use cane for. See Pro 13:24.
2/11/24, 8:24 PM - Tembo Nani: You don't slap, knock on the head, belt, push or punch them, not by using shoe, broom, turning stick or anything you see around you. No! Neither should you flog them when angry...
2/11/24, 8:25 PM - Tembo Nani: Above all,
- Teach them to pray and love God.
There is enough damaged mentality in the world today, let your children find godly experience in your home for that is what will make them stand against the world.
2/11/24, 8:26 PM - +234 703 230 1958: I have a question @2348160435297
2/11/24, 8:26 PM - Tembo Nani: Thank you @2348160093164 for the opportunity and participants both those here now and those who will read later. God bless and keep this network alive and growing.
Good night.
2/11/24, 8:27 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: Flogging could be physical abuse, and if a child is left with a mark on the body, that's evidence that can send a parent to jail o. I'm sorry, I am just saying because there are other means of punishment aside from corporal punishment
2/11/24, 8:27 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: Thank you sir @2348062668863
2/11/24, 8:28 PM - +234 703 230 1958: @2348062668863 can I ask my question?
2/11/24, 8:28 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: @2347032301958 please ask your question, he will attend to him
2/11/24, 8:28 PM - +234 703 230 1958: Ok
2/11/24, 8:30 PM - +234 703 230 1958: In a scenario where you have parents who are well brought up but allowing westernization to influence their child up bringing?
2/11/24, 8:31 PM - +234 703 230 1958: We had a scenario last year in my school where pupils watch BBN at home and it somehow filtered into the ears of school owner and teachers
2/11/24, 8:33 PM - +234 703 230 1958: The school owner scheduled a meeting with with the parents and all the mum could do was hissed at the school owner and said is this the reason you called for us for a meeting?
2/11/24, 8:35 PM - +234 703 230 1958: Thank you sir @2348062668863
2/11/24, 8:47 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: The television program "BBN" carries an 18 rating, indicating that it is suitable only for adults. It is not recommended for children under this age to watch. Instead of reprimanding a parent in this situation, it is more constructive to provide them with enlightenment regarding the potential consequences of exposing their children to such content. They may not be fully aware of the implications of allowing their children to view material intended for adult audiences.
2/11/24, 8:48 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: my opinion though
2/11/24, 8:48 PM - Live Still Counselling Services: lets wait for our facilitator
EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND COPING SKILLS
EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND COPING SKILLS
By NIHINLOLA EUNICE OLOWE
3rd February 2024
How many of you have been in a situation where you were spoken to harshly by your parents or a guardian, or someone responsible for you?
Have met with a lot of people who still feel trapped in the prison of the emotional and physical abuse they went through as a child, even as an adult. The objective of this evening's teaching is to open our eyes as parents and intending parents to the importance of emotional regulation. Your children should not be the ones you transfer aggression to consciously or unconsciously because of your frustration, because you might be ruining their future happiness.
Proverbs 29:11 [11]Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.
Emotional regulation in parenting is very important. Many scriptures emphasise the importance of patience, self-control, and compassion. Ephesians 4:26-27 encourages parents not to let anger linger. This is a good approach to promote emotional expression.
Let's define the key concepts in our topic
👉Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and modulate one's emotions in a constructive manner. It simply involves being aware of and understanding one's emotional responses, effectively expressing and controlling emotions, and adapting to various situations without being overwhelmed.
The reality is that life itself is not without challenges, but our ability to manage every situation as they come will determine the quality of our life and family. So emotional regulation encompasses both the recognition of emotions and the application of strategies to regulate those emotions
So let's define coping skills
👉Coping skills are adaptive mechanisms individuals employ to manage stress, challenges, or emotional distress. Some of these skills include problem-solving, seeking support, mindfulness, and positive reframing. The importance of these coping skills is to help you navigate difficulties, promote resilience maintain psychological balance in the face of adversity. Let's see a few scriptures about this study together
Proverbs 14:30 (NIV): "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." This scripture highlights the connection between emotional well-being and inner peace, emphasising the impact of emotions on overall health. In the book of Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." This passage underscores the role of prayer and gratitude in achieving emotional tranquility.
Nagging everywhere would only complicate things for you, not solve it.
In Psalm 34:17-18 (NIV) "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." All these verses offer solace and assurance, emphasising divine support during times of emotional distress. James 1:19-20 (NIV) "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
Putting this scripture into action whenever you are distressed emotionally or even provoked by your kids, it's important you remember to be patient and careful with what you say. Some people believe they can't make it in life because that was what was said to them consistently growing up
Let's see this - Psalm 42:11 (NIV) - "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." This scripture encourages placing trust in God as a source of hope and emotional stability.
Finally, for tonight let's briefly look at some evidence-based coping strategies in line with scriptural principles to help promote emotional well-being in times of distress
✅Prayer and Meditation: Integrating prayer and meditation aligns with evidence-based approaches such as mindfulness. Mindfulness can help reduce stress, improve emotional regulation, and enhance overall mental well-being. You can dm if you need a recommendation on some mindfulness techniques that can help you
✅ Positive Affirmations: Positive affirmation promotes positive thinking. You can write out a short positive affirmation to recite by the day; it will become a part of you.
✅Gratitude Practices: Gratitude practices have been linked to improved mood, increased life satisfaction, and enhanced coping abilities. You can incorporate daily gratitude, prioritising all the good things over the bad
Take your time to reflect on some of these points, and I hope whatever has made things difficult for you will become less burdensome.
Bridging Generation Gap with Teens
Bridging Generation Gap with Teens
By Deji Aroloye
28th January 2024
We are looking at the topic: Bridging Generation Gap with Teens
What does it mean to bridge the generational gap?
Generational gap refers to the differences that exist between different age groups, particularly between older individuals and teenagers
What is unique about the teenagers that we, who are older than them, need to build a generational gap. Like I said earlier that the teenage phase is a crucial period in anyone's life. You know it is called the formative years. Another reason why we need to be intentional about connecting with the teens around is that teenage life is a preparation for adulthood.
At that phase, if a teenager gets things right, it means he or she will have a successful adulthood. And he follows the wrong path, which alone messes up his adult phase. I am not saying that when people make terrible mistakes in their teenage years, it will automatically translate to not having a good life in the future.
1. Be intentional about fostering connections and building relationships with them. A lot of us go to visit our friends. I mean the people in our age group. Have you ever thought of going to visit the teenagers around you? Not once o. You just make a constant practice. You will be mazed how they give you a special place in their lives
Another thing I will say if we want to successfully bridge the gap with the teens is that we must be less judgemental. People say teenagers are naturally rebelious. A lot of time, the receive harsh criticisms for the mistakes they make. So they want to build emotonal wall that is imprgnable. So if they know that you will rebuke them, but you will not use their "sins" against permanently, I can tell you have a place in their heart. And once you gain their trust, influence and mentoring has started
As I close, I want to encourage all of us to be intentional about bridging the gap with the teenagers around us.
Give them spiritual guidance
Impart them with the skills you have
Let them tap from your wealth of wisdom so that they wont make some of the costly mistakes you made when you were at their age
Effective Communication Skills for Children of Different Ages
Effective Communication Skills for Children of Different Ages
By Nihinlola Eunice Olowe
20th January 2024
Proverbs 22:6 [6]Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Many families struggle with behavioural issues in kids. Many parents also do not want to spank children, but it just seems like a can is the only language children understand. If you are a parent in this category or you intend to learn about parenting, this teaching is for you. I'm a little tired and might be a little slow; please bear with me.
Why is Effective communication important for children?
Effective communication with children is crucial as it fosters emotional development, builds trust, and enhances understanding, laying the foundation for positive relationships and supporting their overall well-being. There are many dysfunctional behaviours adults exhibit that have roots in their upbringing. Some people lack basic communication skills because no one ever talks about issues in their families, and this starts becoming an issue in adulthood.
Some parents just shut their children up and beat them at every sight of disobedience because that's what they learned as a discipline. I've worked with a lot of children and their many things they talk about in therapy that they never want their parents to get to know about. Cases like sexual abuse, sexual relationships with their class or age mates, their perception of their parent's relationship, and many others. Definitely, because they are minors, I need to look for a way to communicate with their parents regarding the situation without hurting them. <This message was edited>
Let's briefly examine the techniques for communicating with different age groups
Preschoolers (0-5 years):
👉 Utilise simple language and visual aids to enhance understanding.
👉Engage in storytelling and creative play to capture their imagination.
👉Encourage expression through art and play, fostering a safe environment.
These techniques can be used in any form of training or correction of children in this age group.
For School-Aged Children (6-12 years):
👉Practice active listening and validate their feelings to build trust.
👉Foster open-ended conversations, allowing them to express thoughts.
👉Introduce age-appropriate words and analogies for better comprehension.
Ephesians 4:29 - "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Don't call your child a failure or use vulgar language, no matter how angry you are with them.
I used to have a client whose father called her a failure. She was a straight-A student, but because she did not score 100, she was abused throughout her childhood as a failure. After getting out of therapy, she called a year later to tell me she had an A in mathematics. I was so happy for you.
I'm sharing this so we understand the implications of some of the things we say to children because you might just be destroying them little by little.
For Adolescents (13-18 years):
👉Approach communication with respect and a non-judgmental attitude.
👉Establish trust and ensure confidentiality to encourage openness.
👉Empower them by promoting autonomy and self-expression in discussions.
If I were to ask, how many of us wanted to run off when we were teenagers, I'm sure I would get some hands. Let's be patient with our teenagers because they are humans with emotions too. It's very important we understand that Positive communication plays a pivotal role in children's development by shaping their emotional, social, and cognitive growth.
Positive communication helps:
📍 Builds Trust: Foster a secure environment for your kids, strengthen the bond between you and your children. When they are with you is when you can achieve this. When I was younger, my Dad would take a leave during the holiday to be with us at home. Those are precious moments I will never forget.
📍 Enhance Emotional Regulation:
Encourage expression, and help your children understand and manage their emotions effectively. Don't shut them up no matter how frustrated you are.
📍 Boosts their Self-Esteem:
Positive feedback and encouragement contribute to a positive self-image and confidence. You must express how amazing your children are. Growing up, my Dad told me I am intelligent even when I fail. Those words have helped me now as an adult, even in the phase of struggle.
📍 Facilitates Social Skills:
Promote effective interaction, cooperation, and empathy in their relationships with peers and adults.
📍 Stimulates Cognitive Development:
Encourage curiosity, critical thinking, and language skills through engaging conversations. Don't ever be too busy to have conversations with your kids, no matter how busy you are.
📍 Establish Healthy Relationships:
Sets a foundation for respectful communication, aiding in forming positive relationships in the future. Remember, if you fight, lie, insult, or do so many other inappropriate things in front of your kids, they are learning from you.
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