2025 Teaching

What is Sexual Satisfaction?

SEXUAL SATISFACTION refers to the positive emotional and physical experience individuals derive from their sexual relationship with their spouse, encompassing both the satisfaction of individual desires and the overall quality of the sexual relationship. It's a multifaceted concept that includes fulfilling sexual needs, meeting expectations, and experiencing pleasure and intimacy. 

Song of Solomon 7:10 – “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” 

Many Christian couples struggle quietly with sexual dissatisfaction. The world distorts sex into something selfish; the church sometimes avoids it entirely. God’s design is for sex to be holy, mutual, satisfying, and bonding. 

BIBLICAL FOUNDATION FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE

Genesis 2:24 – “One flesh” = complete emotional, spiritual, and physical unity.

Song of Solomon – Scripture that celebrates mutual attraction, desire, and pleasure.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 – Equal responsibility for sexual fulfilment.

Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage bed is honourable; mutual enjoyment is part of purity. 

NURTURING WOMEN’S SEXUAL SATISFACTION. Emotional & Relational Practices

• Daily non-sexual touch: hugs, hand-holding.

• Verbal affirmation: compliments, appreciation.

• Conflict resolution: emotional peace before physical intimacy. 

Couples please let's learn to do things together. 

Activities for Sexual Health

• Exercise together → boosts blood flow, mood.

• Shared hobbies → increases bonding.

• Massage → reduces stress, improves oxytocin release. 

Libido-Boosting Foods

• Oysters, salmon, tuna → zinc for hormones.

• Dark chocolate → boosts dopamine & serotonin.

• Nuts/seeds → healthy fats for hormones.

• Berries → improve blood circulation.

• Avocado → vitamin E for hormonal balance.

• Watermelon → citrulline for better blood flow. 

Practical Keys for Satisfaction

• Extended foreplay (20–30 mins).

• Variety in touch & pace.

• Create a relaxed, private atmosphere.

• Use “I feel” statements when giving feedback.

• Learn each other’s responses without shame.

• Keep affection alive outside the bedroom. 

WEEKLY CONNECTION PLAN

Mon: Pray for each other’s needs.

Tue: Take a walk hand-in-hand.

Wed: Give a massage.

Thu: Cook a meal with libido-boosting foods.

Fri: Date night (no phones).

Sat: Dance together at home.

Sun: Speak words of blessing. 

• Allow enough foreplay (20–30 mins).

• Communicate likes/dislikes.

• Connect emotionally before physically.

• Set the scene, privacy, lighting, comfort.

• Explore together without shame.

• Keep affection alive daily

Many Christians were raised to be sexually silent, not sexually educated. Today i want you to note that Foreplay is not a sin. It is emotional, physical, and spiritual preparation for intimacy.

 Lets read Song of Solomon 7:6-9 

6 Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! 7 You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit. 8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples. 9 May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine- Young Woman Yes, wine that goes down smoothly for my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. 

Sex in marriage is not only for procreation but for intimacy, bonding, and mutual pleasure.

Many people think of foreplay only as physical touch, but it begins with emotional connection. For women especially, emotional attunement opens the door to physical readiness.

Foreplay includes the intentional, tender actions and words that prepare partners for sexual intimacy, such as:

• Kissing

• Touching

• Whispering affirmations

• Eye contact

• Complimenting your partner

• Talking about what feels good

• Playful teasing

• Shared laughter and deep breathing

It’s not “extra”; it is essential. For women especially, it prepares the body by:

• Increasing blood flow

• Arousing nerve endings

• Relaxing muscles

• Creating emotional safety

As a counselling psychologist, I’ve seen how couples struggle when they rush intimacy without communication. Foreplay teaches patience, observation, and consent.

Lets  briefly address some Myths about foreplay -

• “Foreplay is worldly” → False. It’s actually Godly when done with honour and joy in marriage.

• “Men don’t need it” → Untrue. Men benefit emotionally and physically from anticipation, touch, and connection.

Some spouses may find foreplay uncomfortable due to past trauma. In therapy, we explore gentle reintroduction to pleasure, starting with non-sexual touch and emotional safety.

Lets consider a few - PRACTICAL TIPS FOR FOREPLAY IN MARRIAGE 

1. Create Time – Intimacy requires intentionality; rushing kills connection.

2. Use All 5 Senses – Scents, sounds, lighting, touch, words.

3. Talk About It – What do you like? What makes you feel close?

4. Foreplay Isn’t Always About Sex – Back rubs, foot massages, dancing together, it builds chemistry.

5. Affirm, Don’t Perform – Focus on presence, not performance.

Finally lets briefly talk about

RESTORING JOY & FREEDOM IN MARRIED SEX 

Many believers enter marriage carrying sexual shame, guilt, or silence. It is okay to unlearn what doesn’t serve your marriage. Invite the Holy Spirit into your bedroom, not for fear, but for freedom and love. “The marriage bed is honourable. It should be a place of joy, not pressure.”

I want you to reflect on this questions:

o What mindset do I need to unlearn about sexual intimacy?

o How can I begin to prioritise connection, not just intercourse?

I have availability for private counselling for couples or individuals navigating trauma, shame, or sexual disconnect. Couples session is 60,000 Naira per session, while Individual session is 30,000 naira per session, you can private chat or book a session on https://www.livestillcounsellingservices.org.ng/book-a-session

God Bless You.

Rahab is a powerful figure in the Scripture. We’ll look at how her story teaches us that no matter our past, faith and obedience can open doors to God’s divine purpose in relationships and destiny. Sometimes we disqualify ourselves from meaningful relationships, whether romantic, family, or spiritual, because of our past or what people say about us.

But Rahab shows us that God rewrites stories when we trust Him.

The Story of Rahab can be found in Joshua 2 & 6:22–25 . Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho, a city about to be destroyed. She recognised the God of Israel and helped the spies in faith. Her act of obedience and faith saved not just her, but her whole household. Eventually, she became part of the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:5).  

Key Lessons for Us Today

👍🏻Your Past Doesn’t Cancel God’s Plan

Rahab was labelled by her sin, but God saw her through the lens of faith. In relationships or marriage, don't let shame or condemnation shape your expectations. In  2 Corinthians 5:17 [17]This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 

👍🏻Faith Creates Room for Divine Alignment.

Rahab’s faith aligned her with God's people. Choosing God shifts your relationships. He removes the wrong ones and sends purposeful ones. 

👍🏻Redemption Restores Purpose and Legacy

Rahab became the great-great-grandmother of King David!

Your obedience in one relationship decision today can impact generations. Have you ever felt disqualified from a godly relationship or opportunity because of your past?

Rahab reminds us that our faith decisions today are shaping our future relationships. Are you aligning your love life, friendships, marriage,  and connections with God's voice, or with fear, shame, or pressure? Briefly say this prayer -

Lord, redeem my heart, my story, and my relationships. Help me to walk in obedience like Rahab, and trust You to rewrite what I can’t fix.  Rahab teaches us that it’s not about where you start; it’s about who you trust.

 God’s purpose in relationships isn’t just about romance, it’s about redemption, obedience, and generational legacy. Don’t count yourself out. If God could work through Rahab, He can work through you. Be available, be obedient, and watch divine intervention follow.

We’re exploring how God’s purpose can still unfold, even when relationships seem broken or mismanaged, through Dinah’s story. As I reflected on the story of Dinah, I realised how relevant her experience is even today, especially for us as Christians navigating relationships, family expectations, and personal identity.

Dinah’s story is not just about what happened to her; it’s about silence, misunderstood decisions, and how the actions of others can shape our lives. Many people, especially women, can relate to feeling unheard, labelled, or defined by things outside their control.

In our time, we constantly face family pressure: expectations to marry a certain way, act a certain way, or follow paths that may not reflect who we truly are in Christ. And at the same time, we’re also trying to understand who we are, outside of what society, tradition, or even our parents expect.

Dinah’s story gives us space to ask hard but necessary questions:

• How do I honour God while navigating family expectations?

• What happens when my identity gets lost in the noise of others’ decisions?

• And can God still fulfil His purpose in me—even when my story seems messy or unfair?

Her story may be short in the Bible, but it reflects the silent battles many people face in relationships, and reminds us that God sees, God cares, and God redeems.

Our text is from Genesis 34:1–31

In this scripture, Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, goes out to visit the women of the land. While there, she is seen and raped by Shechem, the son of Hamor the Hivite, a local prince. Afterwards, Shechem claims to love Dinah and asks his father to arrange a marriage between them. When Jacob hears of the incident, he remains silent until his sons return. Dinah’s brothers, especially Simeon and Levi, are deeply outraged. Hamor and Shechem meet with Jacob’s family and request Dinah’s hand in marriage, proposing intermarriage and peaceful relations between their peoples. Jacob’s sons deceitfully agree, saying they will consent if all the men in Shechem’s city are circumcised. Hamor and Shechem agree and convince the men of their city to undergo circumcision. Three days later, while the men are still in pain, Simeon and Levi attack the city, kill all the males, including Shechem and Hamor, and rescue Dinah. They also loot the city in revenge.

Jacob rebukes his sons for putting the family in danger with the surrounding nations, but they defend their actions, saying, “Should he treat our sister like a prostitute?”

Navigating Family Expectations and Personal Identity

Family Expectations vs God’s Purpose

Dinah’s story is a striking example of how family expectations and God’s purpose can sometimes seem to clash, or get blurred, in the messiness of human relationships. Here are a few core lessons:

1. Family Expectations Can Be Protective but Also Restrictive - Jacob’s sons (Simeon and Levi) reacted strongly out of a sense of honour and protection, but they acted without consulting God. Their violent decision, driven by shame and family pride, went far beyond justice. Family may have strong expectations for how we should respond to shame, pain, or dishonour, but God’s purpose is not fulfilled through anger or revenge.

2. Silence Is Not Neutral- Jacob remained silent when he heard about Dinah’s assault until his sons returned. His inaction created space for emotional reactions to take over. Silence in the face of injustice can lead to chaos. God’s purpose is often delayed or distorted when leadership in the family fails to speak or act wisely.

3. Family Honour Must Not Override Individual Dignity - Dinah is the central figure, yet her voice is absent. The family focused on honour, not her healing or dignity. This mirrors how some families today are more concerned with public image than personal restoration. God’s purpose values the individual, not just the family name. Relationships that ignore the voice of the wounded fall short of His heart.

4. God’s Purpose Prevails in Imperfect Families - Jacob’s family was chosen by God, yet it was filled with dysfunction, silence, deception, and revenge. Still, God worked through them to establish the twelve tribes of Israel. Even when our families are imperfect or fail us, God's purpose is not cancelled. He works through broken people and messy relationships to bring healing and redemption.

Reflection for Today:

• Are you allowing family expectations to define your choices more than God’s voice?

• Are you silencing yourself, or someone else, in the name of honour or appearance?

• Do you believe God’s purpose can still unfold even in your family’s imperfections?

Isaiah 55:8–9 (NIV)
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

The Danger of Identity Being Defined by Others

Dinah’s story in Genesis 34 is one of the few narratives in Scripture where a woman’s life is deeply affected by others, yet her own voice is never heard. Her identity is shaped, spoken about, and acted upon, entirely by the men around her.

This raises a powerful and relevant issue: the danger of allowing others to define who we are.

1. Dinah Was Spoken For, Not To - Dinah was violated, but we never hear her speak. Her brothers and father decide her fate, her value is discussed, but her personhood is ignored. When others define us by what happened to us, or by their expectations, our true identity becomes buried.

2. She Was Reduced to a Symbol of Family Honour - Simeon and Levi saw Dinah less as a sister and more as a representation of family honour that had been tarnished. Their response wasn’t about her healing, it was about avenging their name. If you’re constantly seen as someone’s daughter, partner, or project, it becomes easy to lose sight of your God-given identity.

3. The Pressure to Conform to External Labels - In today’s world, people are often labelled by past mistakes, trauma, culture, family roles, or gender expectations. Dinah’s experience reminds us of what happens when someone’s personhood is erased by the loudness of others’ decisions. There’s real danger in letting others’ opinions, pain, or projections become your truth.

🔑 How to Break Free

• Identity must be anchored in God’s Word, not other people’s stories.

• Your voice matters, even if it has been silenced before.

• Healing starts with reclaiming who you are in Christ, not who others say you are.

“You are not what happened to you. You are not what they called you. You are who God says you are.”

🌱 Reflection for Today:

• Are you carrying labels that were never yours to begin with?

• Are you living a life shaped by expectations or past wounds?

• Who or what is shaping your sense of self?

Galatians 1:10 (NIV)
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

God’s Redemptive Purpose

Though Dinah’s story ends without resolution, and her voice is never heard, it reminds us that God is never absent, even in silence, injustice, or pain. The events were tragic, but they sparked a shift in Jacob’s family, exposing brokenness that needed healing.

God’s redemptive purpose is not always loud or instant, but it is constant. He can bring meaning out of brokenness, healing out of silence, and purpose even through the parts of our story we didn’t choose.

Nothing in your story disqualifies you from God’s plan. He redeems what others try to define or destroy.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Joel 2:25 (KJV)
“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten…”

Conclusion

As we reflect on Dinah’s story, we are reminded that even in silence, shame, or confusion, God’s purpose is not absent. Our families may have strong opinions, but God's plan goes beyond tradition or pressure. His purpose is personal and redemptive.

Like Dinah, many people lose their voice in the noise of others' decisions. But in Christ, our identity is restored and rooted in truth. Even when the story seems unfinished or painful, God can still bring beauty out of brokenness. He redeems what life, people, or trauma try to take away.

Your voice matters. Your healing matters. And God’s purpose for your life is greater than the silence, shame, or expectations you've had to carry.

May we all be reminded to see ourselves, and others, through the lens of God’s redemptive love.

Definition of key terms

✓ Boldness: Boldness  is the quality of being confident, courageous, and willing to take risks. It involves; fearlessness, confidence, innovativeness (embracing new ideas or needs) and expressing oneself clearly and standing up for one's. Rights or needs. 

✓ Advocacy: Advocacy is the act of supporting or promoting a particular cause or issue, often with the goal of influencing decisions, policies or public opinion. It involves; raising awareness, influencing decision-makers, empowering marginalised groups and promoting change. 

Before we look at the biblical figures, Zelophehad's daughters, I want us to read the scripture, Numbers 27:1-10 

1. NIV:The daughters of Zelophehad son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Makir, the son of Manasseh, belonged to the clans of Manasseh son of Joseph. The names of the daughters were Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milkah and Tirzah. They came forward 

2. NIV:and stood before Moses, Eleazar the priest, the leaders and the whole assembly at the entrance to the tent of meeting and said,

3. NIV:“Our father died in the wilderness. He was not among Korah’s followers, who banded together against the Lord, but he died for his own sin and left no sons.

4. NIV:Why should our father’s name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father’s relatives.”

5. NIV:So Moses brought their case before the Lord,

6. NIV:and the Lord said to him,

7. NIV:“What Zelophehad’s daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father’s relatives and give their father’s inheritance to them.

8. NIV:“Say to the Israelites, ‘If a man dies and leaves no son, give his inheritance to his daughter.

9. NIV:If he has no daughter, give his inheritance to his brothers.

10. NIV:If he has no brothers, give his inheritance to his father’s brothers.

11. NIV:If his father had no brothers, give his inheritance to the nearest relative in his clan, that he may possess it. This is to have the force of law for the Israelites, as the Lord commanded Moses.’”

12 NIV:Then the Lord said to *Also Numbers 36:1-12. You can read this up later🙏 

Zelophad's daughters, Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah demonstrated a remarkable boldness and advocacy in seeking their inheritance rights. 

Lessons from their Story 

1. Bold Approach: from the verse one and two of our scripture Numbers 27, the bible made us to understand that the daughters of Zelophehad approached Moses, Eleazar the priest and the entire assembly to present their case with clarity and conviction.  It took them boldness to have been able to go before the above mentioned people to ask for their rights Which is against their existing law.

2. Speaking up: The daughters of Zelophehad daughters didn't stay back to be lamenting or grumbling or dwelling in self pity over their issue but rather they spoke out to the right authorities and they got their inheritance. 

3. Taking Risks: They took great risk going before Moses, the Priest and the assembly to make demands that was against their existing law. They could have been punished or even killed for demanding for a change of an existing law. 

4. Being authentic: They embraced Who they were. The fact that they were all females and had no brother to continue their father's legacy. They didn't allow the gender inequality to keep them back. 

5. Raising Awareness: They were able to educate others about the issue. Knowledge is power. Through their advocacy approach they were able to create awareness on the issue. Any man without a son should be able to have a legacy through his daughters. 

6. Influencing decision- Makers:  Moses had to go back to God and God changed the existing policies for their sake. The daughters of Zelophehad were able to convince even God to change the existing practice. 

7. Empowering the female gender that were marginalized: They spoke out, amplifying their voices and concerns for the female gender that were disadvantaged in the issue of inheritance. 

8. Promoting change: The daughters of Zelophehad brought about positive change in the policies in Israel. 

Before I conclude let me give us another example of what happened this year in our country. The lady that spoke of recent about the suffering in Nigeria and how Corpers can't afford anything with their stipend was given an extra months in her NYSC year as punishment for speaking the truth but what she said brought about an immediate change in the allowance which was initially 33k to 77k.

They have already plan to change allowee to 77k before she spoke out but our leaders weren't planning to do it any time soon. Thank God for the lady that spoke for corpers. God will reward her🙏 Some policies we are enjoying today is as result of good people with boldness that advocated for a change or adjustments of some unfavorable policies. 

In conclusion: Zelophehad's daughters teach us the power of standing up for what is just, even when faced with unfavorable societal structures. Even in our present country speaking up and always standing up for what is right no matter the consequences is the best thing to do.

My prayer for us tonight is that God will give us the courage we need to speak out or fight for our rights in Jesus name🙏 

Prayer: Lord grant us the boldness we need to always stand for our rights in Jesus name. Amen🙏🙏

Steadfastness in Relationship during challenging times means:

• Remaining committed: Standing by your partner, friend, or family member through thick and thin

• Being loyal: Demonstrating loyalty and dedication, even when faced with difficulties.

• Showing empathy: Understanding and supporting each other through emotional challenges

• Communicating effectively: openly discussing issues, feelings and needs to navigate challenges together

• Persevering: Working through problems and conflicts to strengthen the relationship. Not giving up on loved one.

Ruth as Case Study: Ruth chapter 1 and 2

Ruth's steadfastness in her relationship with her mother in-law Naomi, particularly during challenging times is a powerful example of loyalty, commitment and selfless love. Despite facing the loss of her husband and no child to call her own, unfamiliarity of a foreign land, Ruth chose to remain with her aged mother in-law, demonstrating a deep bond and sacrificial love without cultural and personal differences. Her famous quote in Ruth 1:16 " Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God" shows her unwavering commitment.

Here's a more detailed look at Ruth's Steadfastness:

✓Loss and displacement: Ruth experienced the loss of her husband, and was faced with pains, hardship and the prospect of returning back to her own people while her mother in-law goes back to Bethlehem. But instead she looked beyond her present state and chose her relationship with her mother in-law.

✓ Choosing Naomi:  Ruth made a deliberate and selfless choice to leave her family and homeland to stay with Naomi, demonstrating a powerful act of love and loyalty.

✓ Ruth's declaration: Her iconic words in Ruth 1:16 are a testament to her steadfastness, showing a willingness to embrace and accept Naomi's life and faith.

✓ Impact: Ruth's steadfastness not only strengthened her relationship with Naomi but also played a significant role in her eventual marriage to Boaz and the lineage that led to king David and ultimately, Jesus.

Here are some lessons from Ruth's steadfastness:

1. Loyalty in Times of Trial: 

Ruth's unwavering loyalty to Naomi is a powerful testament to the strength of commitment. Despite the uncertainty and hardship, Ruth declares, "Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay (Ruth1:16). This teaches us the importance of standing by our loved ones, even when the path is unclear.

2. Embrace new beginnings:

Ruth's decision to leave her homeland and embrace a new life in Bethlehem is a reminder that God often calls us to step out in Faith. " Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God" (Ruth1:16) signifies her willingness to embrace change and trust in God's plan. We, too can find courage in new beginnings, knowing that God is with us every step of the way.

3.The Power of choice: 

Ruth's story highlights the power of choice in shaping our destiny. By choosing to stay with Naomi, Ruth sets the stage for a future filled with God's blessings.

4. Faith in the face of uncertainty: Ruth's journey is marked with uncertainty, yet her faith never wavers. Her story encourages us to trust in God's provision, even when the future seems unclear. "May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me" (Ruth 1:17) reflects her deep trust in God's faithfulness.

5. The Importance of Community:

Naomi and Ruth's relationship underscores the importance of community and support. In times of need, having a community to lean on can make all the difference. "So Naomi returned from the land of Moab with her daughter-in-law Ruth the Moabitess" (Ruth 1:22). We are reminded that we are not meant to walk this journey alone.

My admonition to us tonight: 

Our relationship with friends, loved ones or family shouldn't always be about what we stand to gain, and it shouldn't be when the going is good, then I'm with you, but when the going is bad, I will run away. Let's learn to be there for each other.

I pray the Lord will help us all not to be a fair weather friend in Jesus name🙏🙏

let's be there for one another through thick and thin.

In Conclusion, Ruth's story provides timeless wisdom for nurturing and strengthening relationships. The eventual lineage that came out from Ruth is a testament of God's purpose in relationships.

Father help me to fulfill your purpose in every relationship I find myself in Jesus name🙏🙏. Father we thank you for tonight's meeting. I pray and ask that you help us to be doers of your word in Jesus name...🙏🙏

God bless you all🙏🙏

I will be sharing with is briefly on the topic "Trusting God's Timing for Courtship and Marriage" and we will be using Queen Esther, as our case study. 

Let's pray

Father we thank you, for the entrance of your word bringeth light and understanding to the simple. We trust that as your word is shared tonight, hearts are flooded with light and men receive directions, in Jesus name we pray, Amen#.

Our Text this is Ecclesiastes 3:1 and it says "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

As we start this teaching, one of the things I would like us to keep in mind is the fact that "the waiting period" to God is a virtue not a prayer point. The Bible in Galatians 5 highlights patience; the act of waiting as a fruit of the Spirit. Many believers do not like waiting. Anything that will make them wait for anything at all they pray against it, but it's always God's method to take men through a waiting period before any major work through them. It took Jesus 30 years of learning, praying and trusting the father to prepare for a 3 years ministry. 

Even though Moses was destined from birth to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, God had to wait for 40 years before he had him begin the work of their salvation. Waiting is God's plan. Yes, I admit that waiting on God for courtship and marriage can feel like you're stuck in a queue that’s not moving, especially when all your friends are posting pre-wedding shoots and all sorts every Saturday.

But the truth is, God's "delays" are for a purpose. They are not denials. His timing is perfect, purposeful, and personal. Yes, they are personal. He doesn't work with everyone in the same way. He works with each one according to how he has purposed. The only woman who never had a waiting period before marriage (Eve), failed in marriage. She led her husband out of God's will because she didn't get the time to know God's will for herself and that was why the devil could go to her because he knew she was ignorant.  

The waiting period is very necessary. Let’s talk about a woman who went from a village girl to a queen, not by hustle, Instagram filters, or prayer mountains alone—but by divine orchestration: Queen Esther. Esther 1:1- Her story is one which many of us are familiar with. It's about a young orphan who rose to being a queen who delivered her people after many years in slavery

Here are some lessons we can take from Esther's story.

• When you wait for God's time you will see that God Positions His Own

Esther didn’t campaign to be queen. In fact, she didn’t even apply. She was selected. At that time, Persia was the global superpower—like today’s USA or Chinaand King Xerxes (Ahasuerus) was like the world president. Vashti's exit from the palace created a divine vacancy, and God was setting the stage politically for Esther.

God can create a vacancy where you least expect, to position you beside the person that aligns with your purpose when you wait for his time. God doesn’t need to ask permission from systems—He runs them. So don’t get anxious when doors seem shut. Even governments and systems can shift when God is orchestrating your courtship story.

As a believer, you are led by the Lord and if you yield to his leading, you can be sure of a safe landing but if you run ahead of him, he won't run after you, he will be right where you left him waiting. It's important you know that God is not emotional with his leading. Just like you will not give your 8 year old child a car to drive because he's crying, God will never yield to your midnight cries/prayers to allow you go into what you haven't prepared for and are not capable to handle because he knows that if he let's you, you will fail. God will rather have you wait for him. Waiting is godly. Rather than binding the devil because of your "delays" ask God what he would have you do now that you are waiting

Another lesson from queen Esther is 

• Preparation Before Promotion.

Esther didn’t just walk into marriage. She had 12 months of beauty treatments! Six months with oil of myrrh (a healing oil) and six months with perfumes and cosmetics.

Why?

Because God prepares you privately before He presents you publicly. Your single season is your “spa time”—a time to be healed, groomed, and built in character and values. Don't waste it. If you do, you will be making your waiting time longer.  Some of us are praying for "Boaz" but haven’t even finished healing from "Brother Judas" yet. 😅 If you rush before God finishes the recipe, don’t be surprised if the cake collapses.

Check the society we are in presently and you will agree with me that many people are just rushing in and of course the result is seen in how they rush out too. Cool down, sister and brother. Follow God's leading and timing

Another lesson from queen Esther is 

• Obedience and Faith

Esther was an orphan, a Jew, and a foreigner in Persia. Yet, she remained obedient to Mordecai, her spiritual mentor and father figure. She submitted to authority and stayed accountable. Your waiting time is the time to learn how to come under authority and how to be accountable. If you don't learn it before marriage, gou will have difficulty practicing it there. When Esther finally became queen, she didn’t let the crown cloud her calling. Her story reminds us: even while waiting on God, your obedience is your oxygen.

• Don’t compromise your values because you're “getting older.”

• Don’t water down your faith to “fit in.”

• Don’t stop praying just because Tinder is faster.

• Obedience today prepares you for authority tomorrow.

One more lesson I will like us to take from Esther is - 

• Purpose Before Prosperity

Marriage is first for purpose before it is for pleasure. Knowing this will help you wait right. Your primary reason for marriage is purpose, not pleasure. If you understand this, you will wait to understand, fit into and start leaving for purpose, then look out for the one who understands the same to bond with.  Esther didn’t marry for palace perks. Her marriage came with purpose—to preserve a whole nation. Imagine if she married a rich Persian businessman instead of the king? Comfortable, yes—but she’d miss her calling. Don’t just marry potential wealth or pleasure; marry shared purpose.

Remember, that although a rich man/woman can buy you a house, only a purposeful man/woman can build you a home. “Don’t confuse financial security with emotional maturity. Even ATMs can give you money—they just can’t love you.”

WHY DOES GOD'S TIMING MATTER?:

1. It aligns you with the right person, not just the available one.

2. It matures you, so you don’t sabotage the blessing when it arrives.

3. It preserves destiny—yours and others connected to you.

Psalm 138:8 says

“The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me.” Trust him. Trust that he has your best interest at heart. The Bible assures us that his thoughts for us are for good and not evil, to give us a future and a hope, to bring us to an expected end. He is faithful to his word.

What to do while waiting

• Don’t compare timelines: Destiny isn’t a group project. God's walk with you is personal, stick with it.

• Take note of what God is doing in and around you: It helps you trust him more, knowing that if he could do those, then he will do this too 

• Serve while waiting; like Ruth did before Boaz showed up.

• Stay open. God's choice may not be your type, but it's your fit.

CONCLUSION

Esther didn’t push or force her way into love. She was positioned, prepared, and presented in divine timing. Her story reminds us of God's word in Isaiah 60:22 which says that “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”  So dear brothers and sisters, your season may seem slow, but heaven is never late. Trust God’s process. If He could make Esther a queen in a foreign land, what can’t He do for you? God’s not using Android, He’s not lagging. He’s using divine timing!😂

Trust and wait for him! 

God bless you all🙏

It's my delight to be here once again. I appreciate the leadership of this group for the opportunity given to me to be here. God bless. So let's just go straight into the topic of today, we are looking at Mary today. The topic before me says:

“Mary—Loyalty and Obedience as Pillars of Godly Relationships.”

First off, I wouldn't want us to see this as a topic for women, even though we are looking at a female character. In the scriptures, there are no genders, no male or female (Gal 3:28), what we all have in common is the heart, and when God looks upon any of us, He's only interested in our hearts, not our heights or gender.

As I was saying. No male nor female.

If the Lord finds a woman who will be head over hills for Him, God goes all out, if He sees a man who will love Him, He's satisfied. If He finds a donkey or a stone or a colt or a raven, or a dove or a manger, He will use them and love them and show them off. So, God doesn't look at genders or age, He looks at the heart. Having said this, let's look at Mary, the Mother of Jesus who demonstrated loyalty and obedience, two qualities that help in relationships.

*Let's take note of this about Mary.*

Before she was anyone’s partner, Mary was God’s beloved.

God saw her heart before choosing her womb. God saw in her a heart that wouldn’t resist His Word. God will never use just any vessel, He doesn't like uncleanness. The priests and the high priests had to be sanctified, the temple and its equipment had to be sanctified, and when something is sanctified, it is reserved unto the Lord because it has been made holy.

And we know there is none holy as the Lord, so Holiness is exclusively unto the Lord.

Now, Mary couldn't have been used if she wasn't sanctified unto the Lord or in clear terms loyal unto the Lord. And the basic way to prove your loyalty to God is to also prove it to men.

You can't be loyal to God and be disloyal to men, just like you can't love the Lord and not love others. John said, How can we say we love the Lord whom we have never seen and not love our neighbour whom we see ( 1Jh 4:20). 

So, Mary was loyal to God and loyal to Joseph and anyone who cares to find out.

What is Loyalty?

According to the dictionary, “Loyalty is the quality of staying firm in your friendship or support for something or someone.”

Loyalty to God or love unto God is what I'll consider the sun by day, and loyalty or love unto others is the moon by night.

The sun is the king, the moon is the chief. Which goes to say our loyalty unto God is the big light and the one unto men is the candle. And we know that the moon does reflect the Sun's light. It doesn't produce its light but instead reflects the sunlight that hits its surface. Which goes to say, our loyalty to men or our spouses is the daughter of our loyalty to God.

Hence, if you are with a man or woman who is not loyal to God, I won't sugarcoat it, they will not be loyal to you. Cos it's their relationship with God that will determine their relationship with you.

Jesus said, Nobody is good (Mark 10:18), . Only God is good, and we are good only as far as we are in Christ. So Mary passed the test of loyalty unto God and loyalty unto Joseph before she could be fit to carry the Saviour in her womb.

Meanwhile, she is more loyal to God as expected (and since loyalty to God is the chief of all loyalties), so if she has to pick between handsome Joseph and Precious Jesus, bye-bye to brother Joseph of Judah and Hello to Jesus of Nazareth. 

Mary didn't fight with Joseph or over-explain her situation. I will imagine such a sober woman to call Joseph one evening to tell him, “Joseph, an angel appeared to me. He said I will give birth to the Saviour, and, as I speak to you, I'm pregnant.” And I imagine gentle Joseph opening his eyes until he couldn't no more, and he too didn't argue. They were both in a tight corner.

Now, God sees what big trouble this could cause and sees that Mary didn't stress it, as she trusts God to take the wheel. God had to settle things with Joseph. Now, in a scenario where Joseph himself isn't loyal to God, would he have remained with Mary?

 Considering that nothing of such had never happened in Judah or Israel, and so no point of reference.

An ignorant Joseph who doesn't know the Lord would go to the priest to say his betrothed babe was pregnant for another man, and if the priest wasn't discerning or didn't take time to consult God, they would have stoned Mary to death and both Mary and Jesus would have died and the entire world would perish.

But because Joseph knows the Lord and loves the Lord and is loyal to Him, even though he had planned to gently break the courtship with Mary (without causing any embarrassment to her,) the Lord changed his mind so easily.

If we think God changing a person’s mind is easy, then we can consider Balaam, whom God spoke to a million times, not to curse Israel; it was a tug of war.

But Joseph, in one dream, agreed with the Spirit of God, took in Mary, and married her.

We see how loyalty to God on both sides made their relationship work and the will of God to come to pass.

And I may not have touched obedience directly as part of the keyword in the topic, but honestly, obedience is outrightly impossible if there's no love, and there is only loyalty found where love is found.

Let's consider another thing

Mary stood by Jesus at the cross.  Loyalty is not present when things go well; it’s presence when it costs you emotionally, publicly, and personally.

In kingdom relationships, we don’t stay because of what we gain. We are committed when it’s sweet and when it’s tangy. Mary is not an ordinary woman. No woman will stand and watch their children go through pain, but Mary was there from day 1 to the end, even to the excruciating pain of the cross.

How did she watch her son die on the cross? I will say the spirit of God that rested on her to produce Jesus didn't leave her after she pushed him out of her womb. The Spirit abode with her, and just as Jesus could endure the pain, Mary too could endure watching the pain.

And while Jesus was on the cross, bleeding and sweating, He handed over His mother to John to take care of her (John 19:26-27).

Mary had been loyal and sweet and capable, and Jesus wasn't going to leave her like that. And I as a person can't wait to see what Mary's rewards would be in heaven.

In conclusion

Forget vibes and aesthetics. Joseph almost left, until God spoke.

That means spiritual alignment saved the relationship. They both had to hear and yield.

No matter how perfect someone seems, if they cannot obey God always or have a strong desire for the word of the Lord, there will be problems.

Compatibility in the Spirit is shared surrender. Whereby the man loves the Lord and her woman too. 

All this fuss about sexual compatibility is a deception from the valley of hell. I, as a person, believe in love and affection and attraction, but spiritual alignment is by far the most important thing we all need to look for and not if we are sexually compatible. Who even bewitched us? I have heard a man say if you know you two are getting married, you could have sex.  No, if you know you two love the Lord and love one another, you should get married. 

Therefore, we have to be loyal to God and prove it by being obedience to Him like Mary and then we will stand strong and be peaceful with both God and our Josephs

These things are not easy to do on our own, so we need to trust God for help, otherwise, we will fall flat on our faces.

God bless 

Thanks for listening

Firstly What do we understand by the word courtship? Courtship is a pathway to marriage. It is a set of biblical principles applied to our present day to help guide young singles into marriage. Courtship is about how to build the right foundation for marriage so that young couples can meet and marry with the greatest possible harmony and blessing. The goal is for the early years of marriage to be spent in happiness rather than strained conflict., constant fighting.

Then after courtship its marriage, and that’s when a man and a woman come together to become one, please note that if you are not ready to be under the leadership and authority of a man, you have no business in marriage because the bible says that, wives submit yourselves unto your own husband, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body; therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband in every thing; husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved he church and gave himself for it ephe 5:22-25

A man’s role in marriage is more than just provider, protector, or decision-maker. God calls husbands to something far greater—spiritual leadership.

Deborah’s story gives us deep insights into leadership and trusting God. Deborah led with fairness and justice, and her prophetic insights helped her make wise decisions. Her life teaches us how faith and strong leadership can lead to our victory.

This leadership we are talking about here isn’t about dominance, control, or outdated traditions. It’s about love that mirrors Christ’s sacrifice, wisdom that guides with humility, and faithfulness that nurtures a home where God is honoured.

Even with all this, many husbands still feel unprepared. They wonder: What does spiritual leadership actually look like? How do I lead without being overbearing? What if my wife is more spiritually mature than me?

If you’ve wrestled or have been thinking about these questions, you’re not alone. The Bible provides clear answers, showing us a path that is both practical and powerful.

History shows us leaders who shine in crisis, like Deborah. Deborah showed us what it means to be strong and brave. In judges 4:14, Deborah motivated Barak to fight against Sisera. She showed us that true leadership is about personal strength and inspiring others.

Deborah was a symbol of courage and leadership. She encouraged Barak to protect their people, showing how leaders empower others. Courage is not just for us; it’s about pushing others to see their strength too. This idea matches the biblical view of leadership, showing how Deborah motivated Barak to lead by boosting his confidence and drive.

Spiritual leadership in marriage is not about authority for authority’s sake—it’s about reflecting Christ in the home. Many misunderstand “biblical headship,” reducing it to hierarchy or control. But Scripture paints a radically different picture: a husband leads by serving, sacrificing, and elevating his wife in love.

“husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved he church and gave himself for it” Ephe 5:25  This passage doesn’t endorse self-centered leadership. Instead, it calls husbands to a leadership defined by sacrifice, not superiority. Jesus’ headship over the church was marked by selfless love, relentless grace, and servant-hearted care. Husbands are to model this same Christlike devotion.

similarly, 1 Peter 3:7 instructs: “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

To “live in an understanding way” means knowing your wife’s needs, fears, and spiritual journey. It requires listening, patience, and an unwavering commitment to honor her.

A husband doesn’t lead to assert dominance—he leads to foster unity. He is to guide, protect, and nurture his marriage in a way that honors God and strengthens his wife’s faith.

What True Spiritual Leadership Looks Like

A biblically grounded husband leads by:

• Prioritizing his wife’s spiritual well-being (praying with her, encouraging her faith).

• Making decisions with wisdom and humility (seeking God’s will together).

• Living with integrity (leading by example, not just words).

• Honoring his wife as an equal heir of God’s grace (rejecting pride, embracing partnership).

This is the model Christ set—and the one every husband is called to follow.

Deborah was a key figure in the story of biblical leadership. She played both roles as a judge and a prophetess of Israel. This blend of roles showed how authority and spiritual insight can work together. It earned her great respect and helped guide the Israelites with divine advice.

When times were tough, people looked to Deborah for wisdom. She made sure justice was served, even in a land filled with conflict. As a prophetess, she shared God’s messages. This gave the people the strength and guidance they needed to overcome challenges.

Deborah’s impact went beyond just making legal decisions. She taught people the importance of living by moral values and divine principles. This made her not just a judge but also a spiritual leader of her time.

Her leadership was a perfect mix of legal power and spiritual insight. Deborah’s legacy continues to inspire discussions on biblical leadership today.

A husband’s spiritual leadership isn’t about demanding submission or making unilateral decisions—it’s about leading like Christ. If you are a good leader, submision comes naturally True leadership is rooted in love, wisdom, integrity, and humility. Here are five essential pillars every husband must embrace to reflect Christ’s heart in his marriage.

1.Sacrificial Love (Ephesians 5:25) “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) A husband’s love should mirror Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. This means prioritizing his wife’s well-being—spiritually, emotionally, and physically—above his own desires.

2. Wisdom & Discernment (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Biblical leadership requires wisdom—not just intelligence, but godly discernment. A husband must seek God’s guidance in decision-making, ensuring that choices align with biblical principles rather than worldly standards.

How to Make Decisions Collaboratively

• Pray first. Before making big decisions, seek God’s wisdom together.

 Deborah’s story shows us the power of faith and God’s help in winning against enemies. Israel faced tough foes but turned to God for help, as seen in Judges 4:15. God made Sisera’s troops confused, leading to a big win. This shows how faith helps us beat big challenges.

• Listen to your wife. Spiritual leadership is not about making choices alone but valuing her perspective.

• Seek counsel. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that “without counsel, plans fail.” Consulting mentors or pastors can provide clarity.

• Prioritize unity. If a decision creates division, pause and seek God’s direction before moving forward.

A wise leader doesn’t force his way but follows God’s way. Judges 4:5 tells us about Deborah’s wisdom. She made judgments under a palm tree, showing her fairness and honesty. Her fair decisions set a high standard for leaders. Deborah teaches us the importance of integrity and fairness in our decisions.

3. Integrity in Private & Public (Titus 2:7-8); “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned.” (Titus 2:7-8)

Integrity means consistency—being the same man at home, at work, and in private. Many marriages struggle because husbands live double lives: appearing godly at church but acting differently in their personal habits.

Balancing Work, Family, and Faith Without Hypocrisy

• Be honest with your struggles. Your wife and children don’t need a perfect man; they need an honest one.

• Set moral boundaries. Guard your eyes and heart from temptations (Job 31:1).

• Follow through with your words. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

• Lead by example. Your children will learn more from what you do than what you preach.

A husband with integrity earns the trust of his wife and children by being a man of his word.

Even in courtship, you must be consistent in everything you do

4. Nurturing Faith in Children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7); “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) 

A father’s spiritual leadership extends beyond his marriage—it shapes the next generation. Children learn faith not just through church but through their father’s daily example.

Practical Ways to Lead Your Children Spiritually

• Family devotions: Set a time for reading Scripture and prayer together.

• Lead by example: Let your children see you studying God’s Word and living it out.

• Create spiritual traditions: Bless them before bed, celebrate answered prayers, and involve them in serving others.

• Encourage questions: Let them ask about faith and guide them with biblical answers.

A spiritually engaged father lays a strong foundation for his children’s walk with Christ.

1.     Accountability & Humility (James 4:10); “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” (James 4:10)

No man is above accountability. A godly husband recognizes his own weaknesses and surrounds himself with mentors and spiritual brothers who help him grow.

Why Every Husband Needs Spiritual Mentorship

• Accountability prevents blind spots. A mentor can point out areas of growth you may overlook. It strengthens humility. Learning from other godly men keeps pride in check.

• It fosters spiritual growth. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), and growth happens in community.

• It benefits your marriage. A wise husband leads better when he is being led by Christ and discipled by mature believers.

A husband who submits to God and seeks guidance from others is far stronger than one who leads alone.

Christlike leadership isn’t about power—it’s about responsibility. 

Common mistakes and how to avoid them;

Even the most faithful Christian husbands can fall into traps that hinder their spiritual leadership. Awareness of these pitfalls allows for growth, ensuring that leadership reflects Christ’s heart rather than cultural expectations.

1. Legalistic Rule vs. Loving Guidance; Some men mistakenly equate leadership with authoritarian rule. However, biblical headship is not about enforcing rules—it’s about loving, sacrificial guidance. A husband who demands obedience instead of leading with grace will drive his wife away emotionally and spiritually.

Avoid this by: Leading with humility, prioritizing open communication, and making decisions prayerfully together.

2. Neglecting Self-Care; “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16) 

Spiritual leaders sometimes pour so much into their families that they neglect their own well-being. Burnout can lead to frustration, impatience, and even resentment.

 Avoid this by: Establishing personal prayer time, maintaining friendships with other godly men, and getting proper rest and recreation. A spiritually and emotionally healthy man leads better.

3. Ignoring Wife’s Spiritual Gifts; “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.” (1 Corinthians 12:4) A husband’s leadership doesn’t mean sidelining his wife’s God-given talents. Some husbands unintentionally suppress their wives’ spiritual contributions, forgetting that biblical leadership includes co-laboring for God’s kingdom.

Avoid this by: Encouraging her gifts, praying for her spiritual growth, and viewing marriage as a partnership in ministry.

The Limits of a Husband’s Authority

A husband’s authority is not absolute; it is limited by the Word of God. He cannot ask his wife to sin or compromise her values. His authority is also tempered by his own sinfulness and limitations.

Before i end my teaching some might say that Can a wife be the spiritual leader if the husband isn’t? Yes. While the Bible calls husbands to lead, a spiritually mature wife can step in when necessary. She should lead with grace, encourage her husband’s growth, and pray for his spiritual leadership to develop.

And if you are new to faith you can start leading by
Starting with humility. Leadership isn’t about knowledge—it’s about seeking God first (Matthew 6:33). Prioritize prayer, Bible study, and surrounding yourself with mature believers who can guide you.

What if my wife resists my leadership?

Lead by example, not demand. Show Christlike love, seek her input, and be patient. Over time, a husband’s consistent spiritual integrity can soften resistance 

Lets look at who Zipporah was in the Bible, she was a figure of remarkable importance, showcasing not only her unique heritage but also her pivotal role in the narrative of Moses and the Exodus. Her story reflects deeper themes of faith, resilience, and cultural intersection.

Lets now talk about how moses met Zipporah because this will help alot in our teaching; Moses encountered Zipporah while fleeing Egypt after killing an Egyptian taskmaster. He was in Midian, where he helped her and her sisters draw water from a well. This act of kindness was decisive, leading to a deep bond between Moses and Zipporah which eventually resulted in their marriage. 

Balancing family and faith and cultural differences is a very imortant aspect of Christian living, as the three are central to the life of a believer. The Bible provides guidance on how to prioritize and integrate these three important areas, ensuring that neither is neglected.

In Genesis 2:24, it is written, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." This verse underscores the sanctity of marriage and the family unit.
At the same time, faith is the cornerstone of a believer's life. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God with all one's heart, soul, and mind Mattew 27: 33. This commandment highlights the necessity of placing God at the centre of one's life, which includes family life. Lets look at the life of zipporah and how she was able to balance it;

The first one was the Circumcision Incident, Zipporah demonstrated quick thinking and bravery when she circumcised their son, saving Moses from potential death by divine wrath (Exodus 4:24-26). This action highlights her decisive role in protecting her family’s future.

Secondly was when Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, Zipporah supported him, both emotionally and practically. Her presence symbolizes stability during this difficult period.

Thirdly, As a Midianite woman, Zipporah bridges cultural gaps, offering insights and perspectives that enhance Moses’ understanding of leadership and unity among diverse groups. These events emphasize Zipporah’s vital role in shaping the narrative surrounding Moses and the Exodus story, demonstrating her strength and influence throughout their journey. That your faith is different does not mean you must not learn how to balance with your family, e.g someone that grew up in celestial marrying someone that is in cac, definitely the religion is different, so in order to avoid unnecessary drama, you have to balance your religion.

Zipporah in the Bible is introduced in the Book of Exodus as the wife of Moses, a key figure in the Israelites’ liberation from slavery in Egypt. She is identified as a Midianite woman, which is significant given the context of her relationship with Moses, who was Hebrew. This cultural background sets the stage for a diverse interaction between different peoples. Being a Midianite, Zipporah brings a unique perspective to the Israelite narrative. The Midianites descended from Midian, a son of Abraham and Keturah.

Zipporah embodies themes of identity and faith throughout her biblical journey. Her dual heritage reflects the blend of cultures in the biblical narrative. By participating in Israel’s liberation, she stood as a symbol of faith, showing how diverse backgrounds can unite for a common goal.

How to balance your faith, family and cultural difference;

1.     Prioritization is key. Matt 6:33. encourages believers to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." By prioritizing faith, families can ensure that their spiritual lives guide their daily decisions and interactions.

2.     Regular family worship and prayer can also strengthen the bond between family and faith. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs, "These words I am commanding you today are to be upon your hearts. And you shall teach them diligently to your children and speak of them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." This practice fosters a home environment centered on God's Word.

3.     Accepting your spouse belief

4.     Humility: Recognizing our own cultural biases and limitations is crucial for effective intercultural engagement. Philippians 2:1-11 emphasizes the importance of humility, urging us to prioritize others' needs over our own.

5.     Understanding: Seeking to understand other cultures, their values, and their perspectives is essential. Romans 14:1-23 encourages tolerance and understanding, urging us to avoid judging those with different cultural norms.

6.     Respect: Treating all individuals with dignity and respect, regardless of their cultural background, is paramount. 1 Peter 3:8-12 emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and empathy in building positive relationships.

7.     Supporting your partner’s journey: The story of Zipporah is a powerful testament to partnership. Her support for Moses reinforces the idea that behind every successful leader is often a partner who steadfastly supports their journey. By understanding the significance of shared goals and mutual support, couples can navigate challenges together, just as Moses and Zipporah did.

Because we all  know Culture plays a significant role in shaping how parents approach raising their children. Different cultures prioritize various values, such as obedience, independence, or emotional openness. For instance, many Asian cultures may lean toward authoritarian parenting, which emphasizes discipline and respect for elders, while Western cultures often Favor an authoritative style that encourages autonomy and emotional intelligence Recognizing these differences is essential for parents trying to strike a balance. Rather than seeing one style as superior, couples can focus on integrating the best aspects of each to create a parenting approach that meets the needs of their family.

One of the most enduring lessons from Moses and Zipporah is the importance of intercultural understanding. In today’s world, where interfaith marriages are becoming more common, their relationship serves as a reminder that love transcends cultural boundaries. Their union can inspire couples facing cultural challenges to embrace their differences and work collaboratively to overcome obstacles.

8.     Teach Children About Both Faiths; For families with children, religious differences offer a unique opportunity to teach inclusivity and broaden their spiritual understanding. Parents can introduce their children to the core beliefs and practices of each religion, allowing them to explore both paths.

Zipporah’s relationship with Moses is marked by her unwavering support. Moses, a Hebrew leader, meets Zipporah during his exile in Midian. Their union represents the blending of two cultures—Hebrew and Midianite. This partnership highlight’s themes of acceptance and adaptability in the face of cultural differences. Together, they face various challenges, showcasing their commitment to each other and their shared journey.

9.     Find Common Spiritual Ground: Many religions share universal values, such as compassion, forgiveness, and the importance of family. Focusing on these shared values can help bridge religious differences.

Lessons from Moses and His Family

1.     God’s Plans Are Bigger Than Cultural Differences; Moses’ marriage to Zipporah, a Midianite woman, highlights that God values faith over ethnicity.

2.     Family Support is Crucial; Jethro’s guidance helped Moses lead effectively. Zipporah’s actions saved Moses’ life, showing how spouses can support each other spiritually.

3.      God Defends His Chosen Ones; When Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses’ wife, God intervened and protected Moses (Numbers 12:10)

Michal of David: Handling Marital Starvation in Righteousness 

Our main Text: 2 Samuel 6

Eternal, immortal, invincible the Only wise God we thank you..... For the plans you have for each and everyone of us, we celebrate you Jesus. We ask Oh! Lord that we won't be too familiar with the scripture tonight... Let our hearts be opened. Amen

Last week we looked into the relationship between David and Michal and we were able to pick some lessons. Today, we want to look at how we can handle marital starvation in *righteousness*

What is starvation?

It is an act or a state of severe  deprivation of essentials either physical, emotional, mental, nutritional etc

What then is Marital Starvation?

We can say a state of feeling deprived of marital fulfilment. One thing is common to engaged and married, that is *DESIRE* . But do we sought God first to find out if our personal will lined up with His perfect will. It is vitally important as couples or to-be couples that we pursue the righteousness of God before chasing after anything else

Everything goodly is not godly - We must understand that

There are certain things that fuel love in marriage and when absent we feel deprived or starved...

• Companionship

• Openness 

• Attention 

• Availability 

• Accountability 

• Affection

We could say Michal experienced or suffered marital starvation due to some factors 👇🏼

1. Distance/Separation: she was separated from David for some time and their was no open line for communication or affection... She was given to another 

2. Childlessness: This is one gift every union desires and having to wait for this may be challenging I tell you, ask Hannah

3. Disagreement/Criticism: She felt ignored and criticized David during the victory dance 

4. Different priorities: David prioritizes his relationship with God as well as his role as a king, this made Michal feel neglected and starved of affection. She didn't get his attention. 2 Sam 6:21. David's response to her criticism.....*To the God who chose me above thy father*' oro yen po'..... I think that was too much to say to your spouse in an open place

5. Lack of emotional connection: It was clearly stated in the bible that Michal loved David, but no clear indication that David reciprocated her feelings with the same intensity. We could say the marriage was a political alliance.2Sam 3;14

Do you feel starved in that Marital relationship?

Keys to coming out of marital starvation

• Self reflection 

• How did we begin?

• Why did I agree to do life with him/her

• How did we get here?

• Find out the reason(s) for the disconnection

Could it be stress?

Resentment of any kind?

Unmet needs?

• Focus on your own personal growth, self improvement and self care... Don't lose yourself in the process of focusing on the *wrongs* of your partner

• Schedule quality time. I understand that the cares of this world at times does not give us enough time for our spouses. But you really need to make out time. A neglected child's diet will suffer malnutrition... Water your relationship... You know how u call, chat and visit during courtship, don't stop... Some of us won't mind the distance sef, u can travel down during any little break, why did you stop?

'he's already my husband jare'   'she's already married to me na'.... Why should I keep calling, chatting and connecting 🤷🏼‍♀️

Of course, you don't stop dating your spouse..humans are wired an emotional being even the so called spiritual brother or sister you married or will be getting married to. Set time aside for meaningful interactions. Not just about the kids, foodstuffs or home management.. Date again... How are you? How's work? You mentioned a business, how far with it? The course you agreed to take this year, what's up? Be involved

• Show affection 

• Be an active listener 

• If there's a need for therapy. Seek help. Don't be ashamed.... Be intentional about that relationship. It must work! Heaven must be glad! We must raise godly seeds! The devil must fail!

Build together with your partner in partnership with the Holy Spirit....a threefold cord is not easily broken

He's right there with you, speak to your Father about those lapses. The break in connection... The distance in the spirit between you both, are you becoming sexually unattractive to him/her? You can tell God all about it.... He'll fix it.... I know He will

Lord, we bless you

Please heal every hurting heart...Inspire your children for marital excellence.... Strengthen us in Jesus name. Amen

Michal of David: Maintaining spiritual composure in distant relationship/Marriage 

Our main Text: 1 Samuel 18

As we study tonight, I ask that the Holy Spirit enlighten us... Encourage us and Breathe on us. Amen.

What is Spiritual composure?

Who is Michal?

Is love enough?

Can love diminish?

Spiritual composure refers to: Inner Peace and Calmness. A state of being that reflects inner stability. It often involves a deep connection to one's faith in a person or situation,which provides a sense of gInner strength. By cultivating spiritual composure, we can navigate life's challenges with greater ease, wisdom, and inner peace.

According to 1 Samuel 18:20... Michal is Saul's daughter that fell in love with David

The Bible tells us that Love is not selfish, and not easily provoked.... God so love the world that He gave..... Michal loved David and she risked her life to save him from the wrath of her father. Saul agreed to the union because she wanted her daughter to be a *snare* on David.. . A snare is an intending danger or a trap. Michal may be aware of her dad's intention but *she loved David*

Love can be starved, love needs to be fed

Love alone is not enough.... How do you then increase in love?

1. Trust in God's Sovereignty 

2. Hold onto Hope

3. Communicate clearly 

4. Honour God in the life of your partner

That spouse you so much love, is also a son/daughter of God(if he's saved)🤔....and God is always concerned about his own

After David fled from Saul (his father in law) ....there was physical distance as well as spiritual distance between himself and Michal

Michal was given to another man, Paltiel by her father for political gain... Why did she agree, despite being still married to David whom she claims to love?🤔

• It could be loneliness 

• She could feel forgotten 

• She might have lost hope in the God of David

• She may want recognition 

• She may want to blend with the trend of *married ladies*

How do I maintain my spiritual composure in a distant relationship?

• Check again the foundation of your relationship (is out of sight out of mind)

• Do you trust God still in that spouse?

• What are God's promises for that union?

Remember, one will chase a thousand, two will put ten thousand to flight👌🏻

1. Have an inner peace

2. Let go of worries

3. Prayerfully connect with your spouse( there's no barrier in the spirit)

4. Practice meditation 

5. Care for yourself physically and emotionally 

You don't have to look unkempt because your partner is not close by... Cleanliness is next to godliness

6. Seek guidance 

7. Keep communication line open

Effect of their brief separation

1. She had been with another man

2. Their stay together began to seem like roommate rather than soul mate

Later, when David became king, he demanded Michal's return as part of his consolidation of power. David's motivation for reclaiming Michal was *more about solidifying his claim to the throne*, given her lineage as Saul's daughter, rather than *romantic feelings*.

After being taken from Paltiel, who followed her weeping, Michal returned to David. *However, her relationship with David didn't fare well*, especially after David danced before the Lord during the procession of the Ark of the Covenant

We can see this from her response to David's dance....it was a statement from a bitter heart, an emotional neglect, a kind of 'who do you think you are'...... Spiritual connection has ceased, love was no longer enough....out of the abundance of her heart, she didn't realise she was mocking God in her spouse... It's was no longer about David, but the God of David!....

We need to really trust God for Spiritual composure even when we feel hurt or betrayed....there may be a Grace or Special oil on the head of your spouse, and mocking him/ her is mocking his/her God

2Sa 6:23 Therefore Michal the *daughter of Saul* had no child unto the day of her death.

Result of lack of Spiritual composure

The Bible linked her to her father, why not, Michael the wife of David???🤔

At that point, she had began to reason like her father.....who is this David sef?

What's special about you?

Do you even deserve my love?

Paltiel treats me well... See him weeping after me....

Every seed in my generation that may want to sprout at the point of my celebration, is consumed by 🔥 in Jesus name!

Do you know how God would have compensated her for standing by his servant David??? Check out how he blessed Job after his loss!

.Remember David didn't forget her, that was the first thing he settled when he returned... He sent for his wife....

Every bad habit that will hinder my entry into the  Promised land is permanently removed

To the singles

* Be sure to be humble enough to celebrate the grace of God in the life of your partner that your prayers may not be hindered

*To the married* 

* Maintain a spiritual composure always when dealing with your spouse. Remember they always have a backing. If you are not comfortable about something about them, speak with calmness or tell it to their Heavenly Father, He knows where they meet and He'd sure speak on your behalf 😍😊

Thanks for your time.

The Lord heals every hurting heart. Help the ones separated by distance. Give you grace to wait and receive your promises..... Remember to 👇🏼

W- Work

W- While

W- Waiting 

* Add values to yourself 

* Look good

* Don't stay at the same spot he/ she left you

* Improve your cooking skills

* Be more loving and accommodating

I will be teaching on

Tamar of Judah: Trusting God's Justice in Broken Relationships

Our main Text: Genesis 38:1–30

Family,

Today, we’re diving into the story of Tamar, a woman whose story many overlook but is full of deep lessons about *betrayal, delay, shame, and God's justice in broken relationships.* 

Many of us have experienced heartbreak, betrayal, or rejection  even when we’ve done our best to honour God. 

But like Tamar, there is a way to trust God's justice through it all.

Let's briefly look at TAMAR'S STORY from the book of Genesis 38:1–30

• Tamar was married to Er, Judah's first son. But Er was wicked and died (v.7).

• According to the law of levirate marriage (Deut. 25:5–10), she was given to Onan, the second son, to raise offspring for Er. But Onan was selfish and also died (v.10).

• Judah promised his third son, Shelah, but failed to fulfil that promise. He left Tamar waiting, vulnerable, and forgotten (v.11–14).

Many today are like Tamar:

Promised marriage, love, or commitment... but left in limbo.

Used, mistreated, and blamed for situations they didn’t cause.

Betrayed by those who were supposed to protect or provide for them.

From Genesis 38:14 – Tamar realises she’s been forgotten and excluded.

Maybe you were in a relationship that ended without explanation.

Maybe your spouse isn't fulfilling their role.

Maybe someone said “I’ll marry you” or “I love you,” but they’ve disappeared.

God sees injustice even when people don’t (Hebrews 6:10).

Like Tamar, you may feel you’ve lost time or dignity, but God is a restorer.

From Genesis 38:15–26

Tamar disguises herself and sleeps with Judah (her father-in-law), and becomes pregnant.

Judah wanted to burn her in shame, not knowing he was the father.

When the truth came out, Judah said, “She is more righteous than I.”

Tamar’s action wasn’t ideal, but it reveals how broken systems and broken relationships can push people to desperation.

Yet, God turned her shame into purpose.

In the book of Matthew 1:3 – Tamar is mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus Christ!

Her story didn’t end in disgrace. God used her to birth destiny!

Your story will not end in disgrace in Jesus name.

The Bible says in Romans 12:19 – “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

Tamar didn't take revenge, she simply exposed the truth. Please note

You don’t need to fight dirty to prove your worth. Let God vindicate you.

Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

WHAT CAN WE LEARN? 

👍🏻To the Single/Dating:

• Don’t settle for delay tactics or emotional manipulation.

• Wait on the Lord, and don't compromise your values out of frustration.

‼️To the Married:

• Are you keeping promises to your spouse?

• Are you using or dishonouring your partner emotionally or spiritually?

💔To the Heartbroken:

• God sees your pain.

• Like Tamar, your name may be forgotten by man but remembered by God.

Isaiah 61:7 – “Instead of your shame you shall have double honour…”

Tamar’s story is not one of shame, it’s one of redemption.

Whatever your relationship status, know this: God fights for the broken and restores honour to those the world has disgraced.

I have a few Reflection Questions for the Group:

1. Have you ever felt betrayed like Tamar? How did you handle it?

2. What does trusting God’s justice look like in your current season?

3. In what ways can you choose integrity, even when you’re hurting?

Lord Jesus, I pray you heal every heart that has been broken by betrayal and injustice.

Help us trust You when people fail us in Jesus  Name.

Restore our dignity, and give us strength to wait for Your justice. Amen.

ABOUT:

Peace Mark (The Young Women's Companion)

A believer in Christ and a  minister of the gospel. 

A young Women's Coach and an Entrepreneur.

Married with 3 kids.

I will be sharing with us tonight on the topic "Resolving conflicts with wisdom and humility"

And our case study is Abigail, the wife of Nabal. A woman noted in the scriptures for her great wisdom and humility.

I would like to start by looking at some key words in our topic:

1) Conflict

I will like to start by saying that conflict is not an enemy in relationships and it is not something you pray against.

You don't pray away or wish away conflicts, you resolve them.

What is conflict?

Conflict is simply disagreement. And as long as human beings exist, you can never take conflict away from the earth or from relationships because people will always have different opinions about different matters in life.

Conflicts arise because people have different views of life and our differences glorify God because it shows forth his creativity.

Causes of conflicts

• - Ignorance 

• - different outlook on life 

• - external influences; this can be natural or supernatural

The first step towards resolving a conflict is identifying it's cause. If you don't identity the source of a conflict, you will go over it again and again.

This is why it's important to identify the source of a conflict before attempting to resolve it.

The story of Abigail our case study found in 1 Samuel chapter 25 tell us of a woman married to a wealthy husband, Nabal whom David and his men watched over his flocks and properties when they sojourned in their land and when it was time for them to depart, David requested that he give them some flocks and other things to depart with and he turned down his request.

The Bible tells us that he immediately took steps towards resolving the conflict at hand.

The steps she took delivered her husband from the plot of David to kill him and wipe away all he owned. Before she could resolve the conflict, she identified the source - her husband's "foolishness".

1 Samuel 25: 25 she said for folly dwells in his heart for as his name so he is.

Evidently he was foolish and acted the same towards a man who rendered great help to him.

His wife identified the cause of the conflict and  therefore knew how to handle it to prevent harm from befalling their household.

Now that we know 

- what a conflict is

- the causes of conflicts

- the importance of identifying the cause because resolving a conflict, 

Let's go to the main topic before us " how to resolve conflicts" and in this case focusing on wisdom and humility

What is wisdom?

Wisdom is the right application of knowledge.

What knowledge in this case?

The knowledge of the individual you are having the conflict with - in this case your partner.

Knowledge of his/her background.

Knowledge of his outlook on life

Knowledge of God's word regarding relationships

Wherever knowledge is scarce, strife is inevitable. 

Conflict is not the enemy in relationships, a lack of knowledge is and until knowledge about the necessary things are acquired, conflicts which should make relationships better would lead to strain on relationships.

During the earliest days of my marriage, I had difficulty understanding why my husband did some things the way he did them and that made us have conflicts.

One day, I sat down and schooled myself after one of those conflict days when the Holy spirit asked me the question "can you totally discard your views on life to take on your husband's? If you won't, why would you expect him to do so for you?"

This is one mistake we make.

I had to tell myself the hard truth - this man is different from you. Accept it and find a ground to agree.

This was the best thing I did for our relationship.

The Bible says Wisdom is the principal thing!

However, only the one who has knowledge can apply wisdom.

Relationships perish for lack of knowledge and not because of the presence of conflict.

Every relationship experience conflicts but only a relationship where knowledgeable people who are ready to apply the right knowledge rightly will thrive.

1. The first knowledge everyone who will resolve conflicts with wisdom and humility should have is the knowledge about him or herself.

2. The second is the knowledge of his or her partner

3. The third is the knowledge of God and his word concerning relationships and not the parameters that the world dish out.

4. The fourth is the knowledge of the cause of every conflict you wish to resolve.

Abigail understood who her husband was and she understood the root of his actions. Then she was able to find a way out.

Conflicts are tools of improvement in relationships! 

When a conflict is properly resolved, it leads to a better understanding among partners

The reason the conflicts you encounter in your relationship isn't making your relationship better is because you have refused to identify the above and secondly, you have refused to see the conflict as a tool of improvement.

Your partner is not the problem, a lack of knowledge on how to resolve the issues in your relationship is. Rather than blame each other, seek knowledge and apply it rightly.

There are many people who encounter the same challenges you encounter and it helped them grow in their bonds because of how they handled them.

• Acquire knowledge on conflicts resolution

• Acquire knowledge on emotional intelligence

• Acquire knowledge on what God's word instructs you on towards your partner

The gap is in the right application of knowledge - if this gap is covered, a lot of conflicts encountered by partners would have made their relationships great.

The Bible in James 3: 13 - 15 speaks of the display of wisdom in conversation.

It also spake of 2 types of wisdom - the earthly which is characterized by envy and strife and it spoke of the heavenly which is characterized by purity, peace and selflessness.

The wisdom that will resolve conflicts is the wisdom that's pure, peaceable and selfless. You can resolve a conflict from the place of envy and strife.

I love that Wisdom came before humility in the topic because the humility of an ignorant man will many times lead to more disaster.

Imagine if Abigail was humble but ignorant, she would have been the first to be slain by David's men.

She would have ran to make peace unarmed.

Knowledge and the right application of the same is the right ammunition to fight conflict.

Humility is the posture with which you present or apply the knowledge you have.

Humility is not letting a conflict slide without resolving it. This will only lead to reoccurrence.

Conflicts are not made to be overlooked or allowed to slide so that "peace will reign"

When you do this, you are building a time bomb which will explode in due time.

Humility is knowing what to do and doing it with the right attitude that will appeal to the one you are acting towards.

Abigail knowing what to do, did it and came before David and bowed.

She sent me ahead with all David requested and more. Then she went before him and bowed.

If she just came and bowed, she would have.

Before you address a conflict henceforth. 

Take a look at it, identify the source, and apply the right knowledge with the right attitude and you will have better results.

Finally as I wrap up, the place of the Holy Spirit in resolving conflicts with wisdom and humility cannot be overemphasized.

When we first got married, it took my husband time to come to terms with the fact that he was no longer a bachelor😁

He liked hanging out with friends and I am not really the hanging out type so it was one of the things we battled.

One evening, just while I was arranging the speech that I will give him when he gets home for leaving me lonely for a long time, the holy Spirit instructed me to keep quiet for as long as I can when he returns.

I didn't understand why I should do that especially when my heart was already full and I had a lot to say, but I obeyed.

Unknown to me, he was held by the police all the while. 

Imagine if I lashed out as soon as he entered🤔

I thank God for the Holy Spirit.

God's method is men!

If we will ever receive from God, then we must be at peace with men, especially the men around or closest to us.

Your spouse/partner is the easiest person that God will use to meet your need.

The devil understands this and that is why he will always strife to see that you are not at peace with your partner.

We must be deliberate about frustrating his efforts towards us by acquiring and applying the right knowledge with the right attitude each time we encounter conflicts in our relationships..

Thanks and God bless you all.

Lord, I thank you for everyone who has gone through and will still go through this teaching.

I pray that their hearts do not struggle with these words but that they uphold and apply them and that as they do, your Spirit enables them to have positive results that will lead to healthier and positive experiences from every conflict they encounter in their relationships in Jesus name, Amen

I am happy to take this session tonight because marriage and relationships are central to a better society. Hence, if we all get it right, it will reflect. 

Let me start by saying, God instituted marriage as a form of companionship because He is the all-wise God and even before men and women realised their need for a partner, God said “...It is not good for a man to be alone.” . 

Therefore, you can agree with me that marriage is God's wisdom for men and women. God is all about relationships that leads to marriage, and God is also all about preparation.

Permit me to do a little mathematics down history 

There were 42 generations between the time of Abraham to the birth of Jesus, and I think about 20 between Adam and Abraham. So we can say we have roughly 62 generations between Adam and Jesus which also suggests we have approximately 4000 years between Adam and Jesus' generation. In other words, God used 4000 years to prepare for the coming of Jesus. And if you're a good student of the bible, you will agree with me that everything in the Old Testament is a Shadow of Jesus' revelation, a parable, an illustration, a mirroring, and ultimately, the preparation for the coming of the Kingdom of God (Christ)

So if God used 4000 years to prepare, then, preparing for Marriage which is also a mirror of the relationship Jesus have with the Church or Man to God, is a must.

Now there is a problem. Not everybody understands the efficacy of marriage. And because of that, no matter how much they try, they are not preparing for nothing. 

Everyone shaa wan marry 😃

So, I'm excited about this topic because I know it will help at least one person to prepare for a relationship that leads to marriage and even to make their marriages work. Glory be to the name of the Lord.

Let me start by saying, if we talk of a godly relationship, we're saying we want a relationship that mirrors God. And you can't separate God from His Holiness.

The Holiness of God is what separates Him from Man, and it is the said same that also brings man close to Him. So, you want a Goldy marriage? Wow! Beautiful, you have desired a Holy thing and the Holy thing is the best thing. And God is pleased with the desires of your heart.

But I need to also break it to you that if you don't know God, chances that you will have a Goldy marriage or relationship is very slim. In fact, should I say, it is impossible to have a Godly relationship and marriage if you don't know God 😁?. So please, my fundamental advise is read the bible from cover to cover before you marry and keep reading again and again. It helps you to know who God is and then you inherently understand what love is all about.

Love is sweet, don’t listen to damaged marriages and victims of failed marriages. 

Close your eyes and imagine what perfection is, and then think of marriage. Regardless of the stories we hear, the foundation of God stands sure. God won’t introduce something ugly, cos God is pretty and so is marriage which He introduced. We’re the problem, not God!

But having said this, how do you then prepare for a godly marriage? Very simple. 

I have realised there is no single commandment of God that is hard or gruesome or burdensome. No! Our problem is our desires and flesh. But when we are purged, we can do things that seem hard, even though though they are hard, we will still do with joy filling our hearts as the water covers the sea.

 I want to also say that, it is God who gives wives and husbands. The day I saw it in the scriptures, I was in awe.

Proverbs 19:14

Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the LORD can give an understanding wife.

Now this is applicable to both genders. So, stop running around and being agitated, it is the Lord who gives understanding partners.

Also, the things I'll be saying will be more of a mentality resetting and learning than what to do, so please take me as I am. 

How to prepare for a godly relationship and marriage...

First, you must become what you seek.

You cannot desire a godly partner while you're ungodly. God does not cast holy pearls to dogs. 

He gives sons to daughters, and daughters to sons. God is all-wise, He won't bless you with a godly woman or man when He knows you're not one. You won't be that lucky, lol. In fact, if you're already ungodly, He doesn't even have to stress Himself by getting you a partner, you will choose by yourself and then disguise yourself before Him to say “thank you, Lord” as if He was the one who chose for you.

So who is an ungodly person? A person who doesn't know, understand, and obey the Word of God. So, be a Godly person, and you will get a Godly partner from God. Simple ! 😃

Secondly, Open your eyes, open your ears.

Now, Jesus said something in Luke 6:45

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” NIV

If we all learn to listen, we will avoid so many problems that we end up facing in relationships and marriages. I am saying that, you can know the man or woman you're dealing with just by what they say alone.

A man or woman can pretend in their behaviour for a little while, but I am 100% certain that no man or woman on earth is capable of pretending or hiding who they are by saying things that don't reflect who they are. You say the things in your heart 😃. Someone can dress holy and speak otherwise, your mouth is a reflection of your heart

You will expose who you are by what you say. Listening is preparation because it helps you to filter and separate the sheep from the goat. So, she says “Men are scum.” Please believe her, listen, she will say another thing that supports her claim.

So, he says “men are polygamous in nature.” Believe him, he has told you his plans for you. Listen again, he will confirm his words. You see, when you meet a person, it's not a time to be arguing with them, trying to change their orientation and perspective, you listen and decide.

Learn to listen and see well, so you don't have to go to God if you should marry a man who is everything to you except he doesn't really like church things.Thirdly, Understand Forgiveness!

You see, your partner has the tendency of getting on your nerves, even if they are consecrated. I know that a man or woman who is filled with the Holy Spirit will try His best to be at peace with you or people around him, but they also have the capacity or ability to lose guard. Jesus said if a person offends you 490 times a day and repents each time, you must forgive them (Matthew 18:22).

So let's say they don't even want to acknowledge their offence, another scripture says in Matthew 18:15-17 that you should confront them, if they don't accept their fault, you involve two other people, if they still don't accept, you involve the church. That's how far you will go for peace to reign.

Now, some people won't want their issues outside of the family because of their ego and hard-heartedness or because they don’t simply trust other people’s judgement. and this is why you should look before you leap.

Can you handle this person's excesses even if they don't acknowledge it? Or if they do, can you forgive them? Do they listen to other people or they are just so stubborn? In marriage, you keep forgiving again and again and again and again. Otherwise, your prayers will be hindered. Can you forgive 490 times a day?

Fourthly, Understand Love and Submission

Love and submission is the bedrock of marriage. 

Husbands love your wives, Wives, submit to your husbands.

This is where people get it wrong. The bible didn't say a husband should lord it over his wife, no, God simply gave the man the leadership of the home, simple! Meaning that, when Jesus comes, He won't first of all ask your wife questions, He will hold you The Head accountable for everything that goes wrong in the home, whether you're born again or not, it's a spiritual principle.

As you are the head, you're then asked to Love, and this is so you don't go and think you're heading a political party where you're all about your stomach. God has hold your neck by saying you're a LOVING HEAD. And in the bible, Jesus mirrored this, He gave Himself for His bride. So brother, your leadership is at the centre of love.

Now for women, you already know yours is to submit.

This is why I believe women should be the wisest people on earth.

Clearly, you know this person doesn't love God, He doesn't know God, He's just there, but you think He will be able to love you? No, he's incapable of that. And he's not going to change. Anybody that changes for you is deceiving you.

I won't submit to God if I know his plans for me are evil, but I submitted to Him because I know He loves me and His plans for me are of good and not of evil.

So, submission for a woman means respecting the husband as his head and his god. A Godly woman is in a serious dilemma when she marries the wrong person, because she can't obey God and end up disobeying her husband, or disobey God to obey your husband.

I mean if your husband tells you not to go to church, if you go, you have disobeyed God by disobeying your husband. And if he tells you to do something evil and you do it, you obeyed your husband but disobeyed God. So, it's very very dicey.

Lastly, Be gentle as dove and wise as serpent 

I kind of believe if men and women learn to address every issue with absolute calmness, and not allow rage to take the lead, even the most difficult issue can be resolved.

So, he offended you, or she offended you, next thing, you have started shouting and pouring out your mind. No! Stay calm! Don't address offence or difficult issues when the other party is not in the mood or in the heat of the moment.

Speak with love and gentleness when the atmosphere is calm, always read the room. This can be learnt. This may sound like how to make your relationship last, but it's still preparation cos you will have to start practicing it with people around you.

If you address an issue at the wrong time or with the wrong tone, it can escalate even if you're right.

There are times I would have said something wrong, I noticed the Holy Spirit won’t come to tell me when I have not accepted I was wrong. He will come later in the cool of the day when I’m relaxed, and then He says it calmly, I may be washing the dishes or studying my Bible, and then I smile and I acknowledge my wrong. Holy Spirit comes at perfect times.

You too, address issues at perfect times

Lastly, Be gentle as dove and wise as serpent 

I kind of believe if men and women learn to address every issue with absolute calmness, and not allow rage to take the lead, even the most difficult issue can be resolved.

So, he offended you, or she offended you, next thing, you have started shouting and pouring out your mind. No! Stay calm! Don't address offence or difficult issues when the other party is not in the mood or in the heat of the moment.

Speak with love and gentleness when the atmosphere is calm, always read the room. This can be learnt. This may sound like how to make your relationship last, but it's still preparation cos you will have to start practicing it with people around you.

If you address an issue at the wrong time or with the wrong tone, it can escalate even if you're right.

There are times I would have said something wrong, I noticed the Holy Spirit won’t come to tell me when I have not accepted I was wrong. He will come later in the cool of the day when I’m relaxed, and then He says it calmly, I may be washing the dishes or studying my Bible, and then I smile and I acknowledge my wrong. Holy Spirit comes at perfect times.

You too, address issues at perfect times

Also, learn to respect the boundaries of your partner, yes, the two shall become one, but let's be wise, we become one eventually but not in a day. You desire to penetrate into every aspects of your partner's life, take it one step at a time. Some women don't open up easily, some men don't too, cos they have showed them pepper in the past 😃. Even God penetrates our life one day per time. So, don't rush, you have a lifetime ahead, be patient , be gentle!

Everything I’ve said is more of internal shifting than outward 

You see I didn’t say you should dress well to attract a man or woman 

I didn’t say to use iPhones 😃

Preparing for marriage or relationship is not by external stuff. No! Those are worldly standards

I said it before that it is God who gives spouses 

And God is not looking at your shirt or shoe 

He’s looking at your heart 

So, focus on your heart. Allow God to break your hard heart or give you a new one incase you’re not born again 

If you have coconut head, God won’t pamper you with His daughter or son, cos you will damage them 

And guess what ? If you damage or make a godly man or woman to sin, you will pay for it. Check the Bible, people who lead others to sin didn’t go scot free.

Jesus said if you make any of these little ones to sin, it’s better they don’t born you 😃 

So, if you know you’re not godly, please leave godly people alone, don’t make them fall for you and then destroy them. Verily verily I say unto you, you will pay for it

This brings us to to the end of the teaching

I can only hope I was able to do Justice to the topic a little bit. 

God bless us

Accountability, Mentorship or being a part of a community can be very hard and you know why? Because it involves us being vulnerable.

Accountability, mentorship, or community can help shape our decisions or strengthen us during a difficult season.

Accountability can be hard, but it doesn’t mean control, it means love in action.

MENTORSHIP 

Titus 2:3–5 – Paul instructs older women to mentor younger ones, and likewise for men in other passages.

 A mentor is someone with experience and wisdom who walks with you as you journey through life.

🫶🏻Moses mentored Joshua

🫶🏻Paul mentored Timothy 

🫶🏻Naomi mentored Ruth.

Benefits of Mentorship: 

🙏Wisdom

🙏Guidance

🙏Avoiding pitfalls

🙏 Encouragement during trials.

Be humble enough to seek a mentor and eventually become one to someone else.

COMMUNITY 

 Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 – “Two are better than one… if one falls, the other can help them up.”

Why community matters:

🤍We’re created for relationship 

Genesis 2:18

[18]Then the lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

🤍We grow faster and deeper in fellowship (Hebrews 10:24–25)

Hebrews 10:24-25

[24]Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

[25]And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

🤍Community gives emotional support, shared knowledge, spiritual growth, and encouragement.

Isolation cam be dangerous. it makes it easy for fear, shame, and poor decisions to thrive.

Conclusively,

🫶🏻Accountability sharpens you. 

🫶🏻Mentorship guides you. 

🫶🏻Community sustains you.

I encourage you all to:

🙏Be open and vulnerable where safe.

Ps: the feeling of safety should be your first priority when choosing an accountability partner, or a mentor or community.

🙏 Identify or nurture mentoring relationships.

🙏Stay engaged in the community—don’t just attend, participate.

 Galatians 6:2 – “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ.”

There was a story of a man in his farm who met a person naked and this naked person took his clothes not minding that he was naked he felt it was not needed to ware the clothes when the guys in charge of people with mental illness saw him they took him for the naked man and take him away. 

Our topic is IDENTITY SHAPED BY CHRIST VS IDENTITY SHAPED BY FAMILY BACKGROUND 

(Eph 1:3-14)

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:

4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence;

9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself:

10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him:

11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.

13 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

Introduction 

Our identity is a fundamental aspect of who we are, influencing how we perceive ourselves, interact with others, and navigate life's challenges. For many, identity is shaped by family background, cultural traditions, and societal expectations. However, as Christians, our identity is ultimately shaped by our relationship with Christ. In Ephesians 1:3-14, the Apostle Paul highlights the richness of our identity in Christ, emphasizing the blessings and privileges that come with being part of God's family.

Let’s discuss on the Identity Shaped by Family Background;

Our family background and cultural heritage can significantly influence our identity. We may define ourselves by our family's values, traditions, and socioeconomic status. While these factors can provide a sense of belonging and roots, they can also limit our understanding of ourselves and our potential. When our identity is solely shaped by family background, we may struggle with:

1. Limited perspective: Our identity may be confined to the experiences and worldview of our family, limiting our exposure to new ideas and perspectives. (Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.")

2. Conditional self-worth: Our self-worth may be tied to our family's expectations and achievements, leading to a fragile sense of identity. (1 Corinthians 3:7, "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.")

3. Cultural and societal pressures: We may feel pressured to conform to certain standards or expectations based on our family background, rather than being free to forge our own path. (Galatians 1:10, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.")

Some use spiritual powers and coming from their ancestral background, they have extral rules and taboos before they can live long or become some in life. May God give us deep meaning to this in Jesus Name.

Identity Shaped by Christ

In contrast, our identity in Christ offers a richer and more profound understanding of who we are. As believers, we are part of God's family, and our identity is shaped by our relationship with Him. Ephesians 1:3-14 highlights the blessings and privileges that come with being in Christ:

 Col 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.

• Chosen and adopted: We are chosen and adopted into God's family, giving us a sense of belonging and identity as His children (Ephesians 1:4-5).

• Redeemed and forgiven: We are redeemed and forgiven through Christ's sacrifice, freeing us from the burden of guilt and shame (Ephesians 1:7).

• Sealed with the Holy Spirit: We are sealed with the Holy Spirit, who guarantees our inheritance and confirms our identity as God's children (Ephesians 1:13-14).

• New creation: We are a new creation in Christ, with our identity shaped by our relationship with Him rather than our family background or cultural heritage (2 Corinthians 5:17).

- ⁠1 pet 1:22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

Lastly, we shall continue to ask this question:

How does understanding your identity in Christ impact your daily life?

Implications for Our Lives

Understanding our identity in Christ has significant implications for our lives:

1. Unconditional self-worth: Our self-worth is rooted in our identity as God's children, rather than our achievements or family background. (Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.")

2. Freedom from cultural and societal pressures: We are free to forge our own path and live according to our identity in Christ, rather than conforming to societal expectations. (Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.")

3. New perspective: Our identity in Christ gives us a new perspective on life, enabling us to see ourselves and the world around us in a new light. (1 Corinthians 2:16, "But we have the mind of Christ.")

Please note that we can also add our own to it because the list is endless. You learn more and more every day as you encounter God.

Psalm 139:13-14: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

1 John 3:1: "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Conclusion

In conclusion, our identity is a fundamental aspect of who we are, and it is essential to understand the difference between an identity shaped by family background and one shaped by Christ. As Christians, our identity is ultimately shaped by our relationship with Christ, and this understanding has significant implications for our lives. By embracing our identity in Christ, we can experience a deeper sense of belonging, purpose, and fulfillment.

Philippians 3:8-9: "What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

Opening Prayer:

Our gracious Father, great are you Lord, Mighty are Your works.

Thank you for loving us even when we are sometimes unlovable.

Thank you for your mercy that endures forever over us and our families.

Please, dad, let Your spirit move upon the face of our heart this day.

Help us to unlearn, re-learn, and give us perfect REST from all our troubles in Jesus' name. Amen

Topic: Letting go of bitterness

Text: Ephesians 4:31

KJV: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

MSG: Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

NLT: Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior.

GNT: Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort.

AMP: Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

NHEB: Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice.

RSV: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice,

NKJV: Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Ephesians 4:32

KJV: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

MSG: 

NLT: Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

GNT: Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

AMP: And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

NHEB: And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.

RSV: and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

NKJV: And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

PURPOSE: 

God has created you and me for a purpose. We are what we are, where we are, for a purpose. 

This life would have been a better place if and ONLY if we had understood the purpose of LIFE, the purpose of everything God has created. Purpose keeps life in shape. Purpose dictates how to live life, it brings clarity to the confusion that surrounds vision and makes known the real intention for living.       

Text review:     

Bitterness (vs31) and forgiveness (vs32) are polar opposite. One is overcome by the other. Bitterness has all the attributes (wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice).

One is like a well that flows inward (it gets stuck), while the other is like a well that flows outward (refreshes)

Do you know...

That we have more bitter hearts than forgiven hearts walking the streets of Lagos.. Even planet Earth.   

Introduction:                            

Satan work out to us many opportunities every day to be offended. It may be something as simple as people cutting you in traffic. It may be someone you love using harsh & cutting words that really hurt or it may be something deep like a betrayal of abuse that you have gone through. Sometimes, we get run over by harsh people who don’t care about our feelings. How do you respond when people you love betray and hurt you? What do you do when you are put down by someone? On the other hand, can you be happy with others’ prosperity or does it make you sour (Yea, it happens)?

However, that moment when we are offended, we have a choice. We can either choose to let go or feel the urge to retaliate. Maybe you took no action, but instead harbored bitterness in your heart. When we hold on to it, a bitter root begins to grow, & as it grows. Hebrews 12:15 - See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many_

You see the root is under the ground and no one can see it but it grows and grows, it consumes a person from within and produces bitter fruit later. We must understand that it is very easy for people to hurt us. If we do not deal with it, the hurt will turn into anger, anger will turn to long-term resentment and bitterness.

BITTERNESS      

It is the feeling of hurt, resentment, anger, and even hate that can build up in our hearts when we have been hurt by another person or by an experience in life. Usually, there are three ways we become hurt and bitter: By what is done to us, by what is said about us, and by what is taken from us. People can be bitter toward anyone. It can be directed towards other people and even towards God (Yes, God).

Reasons for bitterness that we see in the Bible   

Let us look at TWO reasons bitterness grows

1. Bitterness that comes out of envy/jealousy 

2. Bitterness that comes out of hurt.

1. Bitterness that comes out of envy/jealousy

Let me ask... 

Question:

• What is Envy?

• What is Jealousy?

• What is the difference? 

• What might they have in common?

Envy goes for what the other person has, Jealousy goes for the owner.   

Jealousy, if not caged, grows into possession ǹ the owner... Bitterness then is planted

Let's move, please;   

We have these:   

Jealous of Relationship

_Genesis 37:3-4 NLT_ Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe. But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them

Joseph was Jacob’s favorite. Several things contributed to this. Joseph was Rachel’s firstborn, Jacob’s most beloved wife. Rachel had died, so it is natural that Jacob would give his affection to their son. Jacob also loved Joseph, because he was the son of his old age. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. Rightly or wrongly, Jacob loved Joseph in ways he hadn’t shown to his other sons, and Joseph was hated for it. That was the beginning of Jealousy.            

We come across situations where we feel that someone is getting importance and love. Maybe someone enjoys love and relationship that you lack and it's eating at you. My parents don’t love me. She’s the favorite in the family. He’s the dad’s beloved son. She’s getting married and I am still single. Every time you think about that person, bile rises. Listen, you’re on your way to bitterness.      

What about this...? 

Jealous of Position.

Genesis 37:3 Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made. Rewind to Genesis 35:22 we read that Reuben, the oldest son lay with Bilhah, his father’s concubine. Because of Reuben’s gross immorality, it lost him not only his father’s favor but all his birthrights as the firstborn son. Reuben had lost his position to someone but to who? Jacob exercised his fatherly privilege and chose to appoint his firstborn son by Rachel as his heir. See what John speak about Jesus in Samaria. John 4:5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph.

He skipped his other nine sons and selected the youngest at that time. The symbol of the birthright was a special tunic. It was richly ornamented, long-sleeved, and extended to Joseph’s ankles. The tunics worn by working men on that day were sleeveless and stopped at the knees. A long-sleeved, tailored garment was worn by a manager, someone who had been put in charge, and was therefore exempt from the work himself. So, the coat was a symbol of position. When Joseph’s brothers saw him in that coat, it was a sign of their father’s choice to make Joseph preeminent over them.

Beware, bitterness is stalking you.    

Jealous of ambition.

Now Joseph had 2 dreams. You don’t have to be brilliant to figure out the meaning of that dream, do you? Both the dreams spoke about Joseph’s prominence over his brothers, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more.

Genesis 37:5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more.

Genesis 37:8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

If you have a dream, if you are ambitious, be sure to expect bitterness from others. Remember, ambitious people, people who dream, have a lot of opposition.

Jealous of God’s favor.

_Genesis 4:3–8 (NKJV)_

3 And in the process of time it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the Lord. 

4 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the Lord respected Abel and his offering, 

5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell.  (Sometimes anger is a symptom of bitterness)

The first murder was caused by someone who was overtaken by bitterness towards his brother as a result of jealousy.

I experienced this today... The guy said... When I entered his newly built house... I was like... Wowww!!!!!... The guy said...

The guy said... That got me a bit thinking about my life... I was down... The guy said... It may degenerate if care is not taking

What about Joseph again?

Now here’s the point. If your little brother tells you about a crazy dream he has, you might poke fun at him, or you might ignore him. But you don’t get jealous of him unless you believe God is speaking to him. They believed that one day Joseph’s dream would come true. They believed God was speaking through their younger brother.

Have you ever felt jealous that someone is blessed by God and you are not blessed the way you want? Are you jealous of people whom God uses, and there is a quiet desire to see them destroyed? Saul was jealous of David, which eventually destroyed Saul. Bitterness has your number, my friend. For Joseph’s brothers, jealousy, hatred, and bitterness finally pushed them over a dangerous line. They were waiting for a chance to take revenge on Joseph.

Following his father’s instructions, Joseph tracked down his brothers, who were shepherding the flocks. It took five-day journey to finally locate them. When they saw him from afar, they conspired to kill him. They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer. Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits. Then we will say that an animal has devoured him, and we will see what will become of his dreams.” Reuben, the oldest, intervened, convincing his brothers not to murder their brother but to throw him into an abandoned well nearby.

You can see the scene in your mind as Joseph approaches, wear the tunic and calling out greetings to them. All at once, they fell upon him, stripping the coat and throw him into a deep hole. The dark deed was done. Now nature would take its course and they would not be directly guilty. Nothing is said in Genesis 37 of any complaint by Joseph. But 22 years later, the brothers remembered this moment and confessed:

_Genesis 42:21 They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen.”_

As Joseph wept aloud and begged to be spared nearby, they ate their meal of malice and drank their drink of deception. To make their revenge even more tasty, it just so happened that a caravan of merchants came by. Not only could they rid themselves of Joseph once and for all, but they could make a profit from it. And so they sold him into slavery. The finishing touches unfolded at home, when they gave their father the torn, bloody coat of many colors, leaving Jacob to conclude his son is dead, and plunging him into inconsolable sorrow.

Now the second one... 

Bitterness that comes out of hurt.

Most of us experience hurt feelings at some point due to an interaction with a friend, family member, romantic partner, coworker, or another person. While this pain is real and your emotions are valid, the emotional pain you’re experiencing doesn’t necessarily have to negatively affect you in the long term.

Emotional pain is pain or hurt that originates from non-physical sources. Sometimes this emotional distress is the result of the actions of others.

BIBLICAL EXAMPLES

1. Joseph's brothers:

Question

Who hurt who?

Do you think Joseph's brothers were hurt by their father, by Joseph or even both?

_Genesis 37:4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him._. We must understand that it is very easy for people to hurt us. If we do not deal with it, the hurt will turn into anger, anger will turn to long-term resentment and bitterness.

_Genesis 37:5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more._

_Genesis 37:10-11 10 - When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?”_

_11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind._

What you see here is all of Joseph’s brothers burning with hatred and bitterness towards him. Joseph had hurt them by the words of his mouth. They saw pride in him. Someone said, "But Joseph was just omode (a child) when he said that". But Joseph was 17 years old (Gen 37:2) when he dreamed. and could hve done what Samuel did when he heard calls. He ran to Prophet Eli for counsel. He hurt them, yea, he did because those brothers were not intimate with God.

2. TAMAR:

Do we remember Tamar, Amnon and Absalom

A horrible event takes place in Tamar's life

2 Samuel 13:10–22 (NKJV)

10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. 

11 Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 

12 But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! 

13 And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” 

14 However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.

19 Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. 

20 And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. 

Did you spot the root of bitterness there?

In our humanistic understanding, we can think that his hatred was justified because of the horrendous thing that Ammon did to his half sister. 

However consider the cost of Bitterness and see if it was worth it

_2 Samuel 13:28–29 NKJV_

28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, “Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon!’ then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.” 

Note: Absalom became even more bittered than Tamar... He went on spreading like a virus. Bitterness eats deep when not controlled, even when it is justifiable.

When you allow yourself to be bitter you will do more evil than those who were the cause of your bitterness.

Types of Bitterness.

How does bitterness show itself? 

a. Bitterness towards God.

Some people become bitter toward God. It can be the loss of a loved one, or someone loses a job or there is a problem in the relationship. You are angry, and you say, “Lord, if You love me so much, why did this happen.

b. Bitterness towards others.

A majority of people are bitter toward other people. It can be a child who believes his parents are unfair to him. It can be a husband or wife who says, “I am betrayed. I am not respected.”

Satan has encaged a lot of believers in bitterness toward other people. Taking offense is one of the tools of satan in the present-day church, and the general attitude for people is not to reconcile.

c. Bitterness towards self.

Some people are bitter against themselves. They cannot forgive themselves. They say, “I deserve this. I shouldn’t have done this or that, what I’m getting is because of my fault.”

Symptom of Bitterness.

They are, but not limited to these:

•  Anger, frustration, blames others, excuses own actions.

• Isolation/avoidance.

• Critical spirit. Gossip, tale bearing.

• Mood swings.

Sometimes, people who are bitter against you will play with you, eat with you, travel with you but in them is a rotten tomato being kept. They consciously create a space to keep you in there. A shadow is cast upon their unspeakable joy.

b. Bitterness hinders our Faith.

c. Bitterness hinders our Prayer.

d. Hinders our Worship.

e. Bitterness hinders our overall spiritual growth.

f. Bitterness affects every area of our life.

HEALING AND OVERCOMING BITTERNESS    

Joseph stands as a great example to let go of bitterness. Joseph managed to avoid the very thing that had consumed his brothers—the emotional stronghold of bitterness. As Joseph lay in the bottom of that pit, he had his invitation to bitterness, but he chose another path. The power to do so came from simply trusting that God was greater than his circumstances, and was at work doing more than Joseph could track. I am going to help you deal with anger and bitterness from God’s word.

a. Acknowledge you have been hurt.

We all get hurt at some time or the other by people. The usual response when we are hurt is that we pretend that it has not bothered us. We say, “It does not bother me, I don’t care a bit about it, I don’t lose anything.” One of the greatest detriments to forgiving others is denial. Confess to God that you have been hurt. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Confess all your hurt feelings to God. God cares for you. Realize that you have been hurt and you need God’s help. Some will say... S/He did not hurt me... I can manage people like that... I will ignore him/her.... I am OK... That stuffs... But deep inside....ummmmmm!!!!! You've been hurt

b. Surrender your right to revenge.

Usually, when we are hurt we try to wait for the right time to take revenge. We usually say, “I will show him who I am, I have a payback time” and so on. _Romans 12:17-21 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good._ Maybe some would say that only the weak forgive. If you forgive you will be treated like a doormat, and people will stamp over you. I truly believe there is a power that is released when you decide to forgive.

c. See you hurt from God’s perspective.

Oftentimes we engage in little pity parties, & wonder why God did this or that to us, or why we are the victim of this. See our hurt from God’s perspective & recognize that oftentimes trials & tribulations come so that we can grow and mature. _Genesis 45: 5 – “And now don’t be grieved or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life.”_ Even as he forgave, Joseph called on his brothers to forgive themselves. In our humanity, we may want the one who hurt us to feel incredible remorse - to beat themselves up over what they did. *Forgiveness doesn't require that*. We might wait for years for an apology before deciding to forgive someone who hurt us. This is not biblical and it is unhealthy. We forgive because *it is the right thing to do*, regardless of the other person's response. _James 1:2-4 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything._

Scripture teaches over & over again that sometimes these times of testing are there so that we’ll begin to mature & become the kind of person that God wants us to be.

d. Acknowledge our condition.

We need to acknowledge that we’re not always the victim. Sometimes we’re the offender. We offend others, we offended God. But God in His mercy & His grace has forgiven us. One of the hardest thing to do on Earth is FORGIVING those who hurt us... Forgiveness is a personal journey, and while it's often presented as a simple act, it can be a challenging and complex process, especially when dealing with deep hurt or betrayal. very very difficult... Not easy.... Not easy, you'd say... YES it is not but God/Jesus did it... 

_Rom 5:8  - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."_

We have to be intentional... That's my slogan... #Beintentional

LAST POINT...

e. *Ask God for the grace to forgive.

Joseph built the bridge of forgiveness to his brothers, and we can do the same with people in our lives who have hurt us in some way. Grace is the only way to live in close relationship with God. Though not easy but we should ask for grace to FORGIVE. Joseph expressed that grace to his brothers.

_Genesis 45: 14 – 15 – “Then Joseph threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin wept on his shoulder. 15 Joseph kissed each of his brothers as he wept, and afterward his brothers talked with him.”_

And there it is. Joseph's outward affection was a sign of his inward decision to forgive. And that is the hard part of forgiving. Inwardly we can say we have forgiven someone. God is teaching us today, through Joseph, to outwardly express our forgiveness to the other person. And honestly, you will be the one that continues to carry the burden on your shoulders until you do this.

_2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient to you, for my power if made perfect in weakness.”_

God can fill you with his grace and heart to enable you to forgive others.

CONCLUSION

The way of the cross is the way of forgiveness. 

Through Christ we can learn to forgive and let go. For our own salvation.

Let us release the power of the cross by following Christ footstep, and forgiving others for whatever thing that they may have done against us. 

Forgiveness is liberating, why will you allow bitterness to sack out every bit of life you have and eventually kill you and destroy everything that is around you.

_Isaiah 38:17 – “Indeed, it was for my own well-being that I had such intense bitterness; but your love has delivered me from the Pit of destruction, for you have thrown all my sins behind your back.”_

Let us pray

Lord we thank you for your word that has come forth. Thank you for Your light that has put away darkness forever in our lives. Please uproot every root of bitterness in any heart here in Jesus name. We plead for grace to forgive and be at peace with you in Jesus name. Amen

My Father!!! My Father!!!

You're good from the beginning...

Unchangeable Changer, Merciful, Loving, Caring, Restorer, All-Knowing, Chukwu Nonso, Osimiriata, Alaanu, Alamo ire, Hubangiji, Holy one, Alpha, Omega,...

Thank you for life, health, grace... For always being merciful.. Thank you Lord.

Father, please release your Holy spirit to push your word through our whole being this day in Jesus name. Amen

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF DYSFUNCTION*

Introduction

In the beginning God created the heaven, the earth… and a family. He decreed fruitfulness (and glorify me, go and function- Gen 1:18). After which the family was given rules to run with but along the line they fumbled. Surprisingly, they argued and pushed blame when God expected acknowledgement and maturity. That was the first dysfunctional family. Adam, Eve, Cain, and Abel — From parents’ disobedience to sibling rivalry, they lost their home, and one brother killed another. Pathetic story!!!!!

_Let us see some highlights (Football fans go understand)_

Family Dynamics

Family dynamics refer to the patterns of interactions among relatives, their roles and relationships, and the various factors that shape their interactions. Family members rely on each other for emotional, physical, and economic support, they are one of the primary sources of relationship security or stress.

Healthy Family dynamics

There are several common features of healthy, happy families that include cohesiveness, open communication, parents leading by example, conflict management, and setting clear expectations and limits. Healthy families stick together

Poor family dynamics

In contrast, factors contributing to unhealthy family dynamics include enmeshment, isolation, rigidity, disorganization, unclear communication, and role conflict. The definition of family itself has morphed over the years

Bible Text for this topic

Bible passage: Romans 8:19-22 - KJV

19 For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.

20 For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,

21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now

There's nothing God has created that has no purpose.. But not everything will fulfill purpose...

May everyone here fulfill purpose in Jesus name

DYSFUNCTION

What is Dysfunction?

Dictionary meaning - broken, debilitated, decayed, defective, deteriorated, inhibited, maladjusted, malfunctional, sick, undermined, unfit, wounded, Impaired or abnormal functioning. 

Many people find themselves stuck within a toxic or dysfunctional family dynamic. When your emotional and/or physical needs are not met, that is dysfunctional. The definition of a dysfunctional

Dysfunctional marriage

(Synonyms: Defective Marriage, Broken Marriage, Malfunctioning marriage, Sick Marriage) 

Marital dysfunction manifests itself in several different ways and is very often marked by deficits in commitment to the relationship, low levels of mutual caring behaviors between the partners, problems with communication, and corrosive conflict resolutions skills

From a dysfunctional family to a dysfunctional individual, then to a dys/functional courtship, leading to a dysfunctional marriage, and then to a dysfunctional home and to a dysfunctional family… It’s a cycle… It can go ON and ON like an Ecosystem or conservation of energy cycle (Biology student)

Dysfunctional family

A dysfunctional family characterizes by “conflict, misbehavior, or abuse”. Relationships between family members are tense and can be filled with neglect, yelling, and screaming. Husbands and wives should have love, respect and reverence to each other (Ephesians 5:21-33). A family that lacks honor and respect for each other will be a breeding ground of brokenness and high level dysfunction. A whole lot is happening in families... I always pray for families... For us all to enjoy heaven on earth in our homes...

Let's continue

A dysfunctional family is one that has problematic interactions that the family is attempting to ignore or mask. Each family member ends up playing an *active role in continuing the dysfunction. Left unchecked, these patterns can impact the children in the family throughout their lives, including one day having their own dysfunctional families.

Functional family

A family that functions well emotionally, on the other hand, is a group of people who share the same view and values on giving and receiving love within the dynamic. Many factors contribute to a satisfying marriage/relationship which may birth functional marriage such as; Love, Commitment, Trust, Time, Attention, Good and Effective Communication including Listening, Partnership, Tolerance, Patience, Openness, Honesty, Respect, Sharing, Consideration, Generosity, Willingness/Ability to Compromise, Constructive criticisms etc.

CAUSES/REASONS OF DYSFUNCTION IN A FAMILY.

When children see things, it makes them see the possibilities. Some things should never happen, so there won't be any possibilities. Once the possibilities are conceived, there is a tendency of repetition_..... Hmmmmmm!!!

Let's take a look at some of the reasons why dysfunction occurs in families.

We are looking at DYSFUNCTION... How is it formed... How is it re-broadcasted like a signal in WWAN

1 Emotionally Unavailable

In some families, parents or caregivers are emotionally unavailable. They might be cold and withhold physical affection or encouraging words because they grew up in a similar environment. They may have an authoritarian parenting style and believe the adage that “children should be seen and not heard, it has to be my way or no way”. Sometimes, parents do not have much energy to nourish their children’s unique emotional needs because they’re always depleted. They tend to work long hours to pay bills thereby making them unavailable emotionally. Sometimes, parents are emotionally immature or unavailable—caught up in workaholism, shopaholism, gambling, overeating, adulterous affairs, or other pursuits. Parents in the throes of addiction are also emotionally unavailable. They may be physically present, but emotionally absent because they’re high or chasing their next fix.

2. Addictions

In many families, parents or caretakers have addictions that they struggle to manage or are attempting to hide. A parent’s addiction might be an open secret or extremely obvious because it prevents the individual from keeping a job, fulfilling their parental duties, or being a steady and stable presence in the home. The children in this environment learn that it’s okay for a parent’s addiction to take priority over their needs. This may set the child up for addictions as they age or lead them to seek out partners with addictive personalities.

3. High-Conflict and Abusive Families

EXAMPLE: REAL LIFE SCENE

In a gathering of great minds (Children), they were called one after the other to ask what their parents call each other, the following names were given as answers

• Idiot

• Ode

• Oloriburuku

• Fool

• Oponu

• Dear

• Olami

• Ademi

• Temi

• Honey etc

In high-conflict and violent families, arguments, criticism, and abuse are regular occurrences. Simply put, the parents in these families are out of control. They may be rageaholics (someone who expresses symptoms of anger in an extreme or unwarranted manner) who take out their personal problems on their children and each other. They may view their families as possessions rather than as human beings with their own needs. Regarding their children as property makes it easy for them to rationalize abusing them mentally, verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually. Children in these families experience the ultimate betrayal. They can’t count on their caretakers to love, protect, and respect them. They grow up feeling scared, ashamed, unworthy, and lonely. As adults, they may develop anxiety, depression, substance use, personality, or post-traumatic stress disorders

Signs of a Dysfunctional Family

Dysfunctional families are caused by – and are the responsibility of – the parents, because they are the ones that hold the power and authority within the family. While this can sometimes be due to toxic parenting, sometimes the cause is more complicated and more complex

_Quick one_

• Choices leads to behaviours

• Behaviours leads to habits

• Habits leads to personality

• And your personality shapes your life

Growing Up in a Toxic Family Dynamic

It’s nearly impossible to grow up in this environment without it affecting a person’s emotions and behaviors. Some of the most common effects of a dysfunctional family include:

• Feelings of isolation

• Approval-seeking

• Anxiety and intimidation (especially related to authority)

• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or helplessness

• Challenges with intimacy

• Substance misuse, addiction

• Inability to process emotions properly

• Yelling/Screaming at people

• Domestic violence

• Inferiority complex (Low self-esteem)

• Overspending, or overeating

How to Tell If Your Family Was Dysfunctional

Many people have no trouble realizing that their family was dysfunctional, especially if the family problems were overt and they had the opportunity to spend time with more functional families. But others might find the level of dysfunction they endured growing up difficult to gauge. After all, every family has problems. How can people tell if their family wasn’t just imperfect but downright toxic? Unfortunately, making this call can be even more confusing because dysfunctional families typically deny issues and punish the members who are willing to speak up about problems. 

Moreover, children don’t have the life experience to know what’s normal or abnormal behavior for parents or caretakers. This is why some people don’t realize how troubled their family of origin was until they spend time with other families or start one of their own. At that point, they may realize they’d never treat their children as they were treated growing up

HOW TO STOP THE DYSFUNCTION

2 Corinthians 13:15 - Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith.

_Quick one_

We can always choose our friends, but we can't choose our family members. However, as adults, we have the right and choice to choose whether we want to continue certain relationships or to continue life without them

1. Acknowledge: Own-up!!!

Most people do not really understand what dysfunction is about. They may not get to know it until they have experienced the dynamics of a functional family. Recognizing that you grew up in a dysfunctional family is an important first step, but just acknowledging this truth is good but not enough to stop the pattern.

2. Be born again

After the acknowledgement stage, repentance from every form of dysfunctionality is next. For there to be a STOP, there has to be a turn around. Jesus is always waiting to put an end to any bondage.

_Psalm 121:1-2 KJV_

_I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, From whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, Which made heaven and earth_

_Luke 15:17-20 The Message (MSG)I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you_

You have to make that intentional call like…_I acknowledge this and I am going to change the narrative_

Be the change

If your family is dysfunctional, you can't sit and wait for change to happen. Don't wait to be rescued. You must take action and start making the changes you desire. If your loved one has a mental illness, get him help (Therapy). If you are the one with a problem such as alcohol or drug abuse, decide now to quit and to get the help you need. If your communication is the problem, make a U-turn and BE THE CHANGE

Trust

Do not try to do things alone. Find someone you can trust and share with him or her that you need help. Trust others and yourself in your abilities to make a change and trust God that He will be with you every step of the way.

Forgive

Learn to forgive those family members who are causing you pain. You do not have to agree with what they are doing, but do not carry hate in your heart for them. It will take you to a place of bitterness and this is never a place where you want to be. Also remember to forgive yourself.

Love

Learn to love your family members. Love them as children of God. We may never know why people do the things they do and we can't ever judge them, only love them. I hated my father growing up, and it wasn't until I had a very astute spiritual leader tell me that my father was my savior that I saw her differently. My father inherited a dysfunction that he carried on. That spiritual leader helped me realize that although my childhood was hard, it was nothing compared to the childhood my father faced. If I allowed myself to love him, I could continue to break the cycle, and my children's childhood would be better than mine. That spiritual leader was right. It is not easy, but it is possible when God is involved.

Be a survivor, not a victim

_Don't let your circumstances hold you back. Victims use circumstances as an excuse for why they can't move forward, but survivors use circumstances to propel themselves onward into greater success. Victims say they can't do things because of what happened to them, survivors say they can do anything (Phil 3:14) because of what they have been through and survived. I am a survivor, and I can do anything. Make sure that you are a survivor too_.

In conclusion,

Dysfunction is real, although few deny its existence but for there to be a change, we must all take responsibility... Husband, wife and even we, the unmarried.

Thank you all... May the grace and mercy of the Lord help us through the journey of marriage in Jesus name... May we never be at the mercy of our enemies.... We shall all have landmark testimonies this year in Jesus name. There shall be LIGHT....

My name is Pastor S. A. Fatoye Jnr. Happily Married for 4 years. 

Have you or someone you know been divorced or separated?  If yes what is your definition of divorce? I know someone very close to me who got divorced, my definition would be a philosophical term which is an unforeseen circumstance that made married couples separated. It could be positive or negative depending on the situation. 

• How has divorce or separation impacted your life or that of someone you know? 

• What do you think are the most significant challenges people face when rebuilding their lives after divorce or separation? 

• Lastly, How do you think individuals can best support themselves or others during the recovery process? 

One of the core factors of this is to reduce death cases. Then we have some single parents that are strong to take care of their children. Some re-married to have a fulfilling life. But some led to regrets that can never be erased. Family ties and insecurities. Just as it was earlier stated, children from those homes get hurt the most.

 Let’s dive into the topic of today. Rebuilding Life After Separation. I will be using a Biblical Perspective as an approach. 

Matthew 19:3-9, MALACHI 2:16, Matthew 19:9 & 1 Cor. 7:10-16.

Introduction 

Divorce can be a painful and life-altering experience, leaving individuals feeling lost, broken, and uncertain about their future. However, with God's guidance and support, it is possible to rebuild a life after divorce. In this seminar, we will explore biblical principles and verses that can help individuals navigate this challenging season and discover a new sense of purpose and fulfillment. 

Understanding Divorce and Its Consequences 

Before we dive into the rebuilding process, it's essential to acknowledge the complexities of divorce and its far-reaching consequences. Just as we’ve rightly highlighted some possible problems that followed the separation. They are unforeseen situations for the relationships, tearing apart bonds and scattering hopes. Divorce can affect not only the couple but also their children, extended family, and friends. Most churches recognize that Jesus commanded a lifelong marriage between one man and one woman. Certain Christian traditions also forbid divorce, although in some cases they allow annulment. Others understand the ‘exception clauses’ as allowing divorce and then remarriage for the innocent party in a divorce. However, allowing divorce for any cause is difficult to harmonize with the teachings of Jesus. Rebuilding a Life After Divorce. 

Rebuilding a life after divorce requires time, patience, and effort. Here are some biblical principles to guide you through this process: 

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve - It's essential to acknowledge your emotions and permit yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage. "A time to weep and a time to mourn, a time to wail and a time to mourn." (Ecclesiastes 3:4). "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) 

2. Seek Forgiveness and Healing - Ask God to forgive you for any past mistakes or hurtful behavior, and seek healing for emotional wounds. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3). 

3. Rediscover Your Identity - Take time to reflect on your values, passions, and goals. Rediscover who you are outside of your marriage. This time is for strategy and recommitment to your God giving purpose. Trusting God to work through your life and make it better. "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10). "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) 

4. Build a Support Network - Surround yourself with a loving and supportive family, friends, and a community of believers. It's also one of the basics avoid toxic environments especially those that will bring back some bitter memories and get involved with activities that can alleviate you. What you need now are people who can be regarded as a support system not ‘critics’  "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2) "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” (Hebrews 10:24). 

5. Focus on Personal Growth - Invest in personal development, learn new skills, and pursue new hobbies. "10Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom (Ecclesiastics 9:10) "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)

APPLICATION

We will need to address the Singles, Married Individuals among us. While this seminar focuses on rebuilding a life after divorce, the principles and biblical verses apply to singles, married, and divorced individuals alike.

Singles

If you're single, remember that your identity is in Christ, and your worth is not defined by your marital status. Divorce should never be an option when planning to be married. Instead, emphasize seeking God’s guidance before entering marriage. The Bible is clear on divorce (Mal. 2:16). - "I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14). "You are complete in Him.” (Colossians 2:10)

Married

If you're married, nurture your relationship with your spouse, and prioritize communication, forgiveness, and mutual respect. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25). "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18) 

Divorced

If you're divorced, know that you are not alone, and God is with you. Seek forgiveness, healing, and restoration, and trust that God will guide you through the rebuilding process.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) 

Conclusion

Jesus demands that we stay faithful to him regardless of our predicament. As married couples be faithful. Christ statement about remarriage being adultery may be a hyperbole. He demands that we recognize the seriousness of the marriage covenant and stay faithful to our marriages but doesn’t condemn those who are victims of a broken marriage. Thanks so much for this opportunity. May our homes be blessed and God almighty will intervene in broken homes in Jesus name.

A troubled marriage or a broken marriage is something that can truly rob you of contentment, peace, and the joy of life. Unfortunately, marriage problems are not uncommon.

 And, although that may not make a person feel better about their situation, they can take comfort that many marriage troubles can be resolved – some with a bit of effort – some with a tremendous amount of effort, but worth it.

 We believe that God has joined together a husband and wife to remain together for the remainder of their lives. We also believe and have seen marriage restoration in some very difficult situations. Even in our deepest hurts, His peace can see us through, Hold on to Him. Even if you aren’t getting cooperation with a spouse, through Jesus Christ you can find peace in your own heart and the strength to move ahead in the path He has for you.

 First, we will begin with some general verses about our Heavenly Father, our relationship with Jesus Christ, and how His Holy Spirit wants to work in our life at all times, even in a troubled marriage.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

The above verses found in the Gospel of Matthew encourage us to seek the Lord and make a relationship with Him our priority. Too often those who find themselves in a struggling marriage will be tempted to do that in just the opposite way.

 THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO DO IS 

1. Finding Comfort in God’s Presence

One of the most comforting aspects of the Bible is its assurance that God is a refuge in times of trouble. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, the Apostle Paul describes God as “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” For those dealing with the pain of a broken home, seeking God’s presence through prayer and meditation on His Word can provide a deep sense of peace. Understanding that God is with you through every trial can offer solace and reassurance.

 They will put most of their time and resources into working on the circumstances, trying to fix the other spouse, or studying how to fix their marital relationship.

 To be clear, working to keep your marriage together or getting your marriage back together is a tremendous thing to do. However, make your relationship with Jesus your priority. Staying in touch with Jesus and being in the word of God is key if you want to save your marriage.

 During that time your emotions may feel strained to the maximum, but we have a God who embodies perfect peace. Do we just say a quick prayer or read a couple of Bible verses and have God’s perfect peace in our emotions?

 It helps, but usually, our emotions take a while to calm. Just continue to pray and seek God’s answers and His plan first. He tells us to bring everything to Him.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

 Matthew 11:28

This. This is another verse from the Gospel of Matthew that gives some very specific words of Jesus. Even a healthy marriage can have “heavy burdens.” But, so much more can a struggling marriage. Just come to Him. Keep coming to Him. Don’t give up on the power of our Lord God.

“O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”

Psalm 62:8

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

1 Peter 5:7

Talk to Him. Have a dialogue of open, honest, and open communication with Him in prayer. Pour out your heart to Him.

 It can be great to talk to your pastor, or a counselor. Many times that is a necessary step. However, don’t forget that Christ loved you enough to die for you and He still loves you so very much! Pour out your heart to Him. Listen to what He may be saying to you.

HOPE AND PEACE IN AND THROUGHOUT THE STRUGGLE IS NECESSARY BY 

2. Trusting in God’s Promises

The Bible is filled with promises of God’s support and strength. Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” This verse encourages believers to rely on Christ for strength during difficult times. When faced with the challenges of a broken home, remembering that God’s promises are steadfast can provide hope and resilience. Trusting in God’s ability to guide and sustain you through your struggles can help you face each day with renewed courage.

 Troubled or broken marriages may be turned around as one or both spouses turn to God and obey God. Certainly, we know that every broken or struggling marriage doesn’t always turn around and become whole again.

 However, no matter what the outcome, you need to be able to have hope and know that life is not over if things start crumbling around you.

 But being able to get back to joy and peace requires a power greater than our own. Look here in Romans:

 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Romans 15:13

So, who can fill you with joy and peace when you are believing in Him? God can. How can you have hope? You can hope because if you have received Christ as your Savior you have the Holy Spirit to guide you.

 At that point, you want to live a Spirit-filled life, obey Christ, and follow His word. Sometimes that will require you to wait patiently as you pray that God will work in the other partner’s heart.

 So, as you walk through this earthly trial of a troubled marriage or a badly broken marriage, you can’t depend on the circumstances of life to give you peace. So, where does our peace come from?

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

2 Thessalonians 3:16 I know that you may be thinking – “I don’t have any peace at all right now.” That’s when you have to wait patiently and set your mind on God-

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Colossians 3:2 The verse above that the Apostle, Paul, wrote to the Colossian church doesn’t mean that all we do is sit around and think about heaven all of the time. However, God wants us to filter our thoughts given a bigger picture where He is in control of all things.

 We must seek God first. What it takes to heal broken marriages or struggling marriages won’t be figured out or understood with human reasoning alone. This thought takes us to one of the most often quoted passages of scripture about trusting God

, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding;

 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 We must understand that our emotions are sometimes going to be crying out for a quick fix in a marriage relationship. We may want an answer, an easy answer – so the temptation is to just try to figure out a solution through compromise and human reasoning alone. But, all alone we need the wisdom of our Lord Almighty to show us the pathway from broken marriages to Godly marriages.

3. Seeking Wisdom and Guidance

James 1:5 offers a valuable principle for anyone in a challenging situation: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.” In the context of a broken home, seeking God’s wisdom through prayer and reflection can help in making difficult decisions and navigating complex emotions. The Bible encourages seeking divine guidance and trusting that God will provide the wisdom needed to cope with and resolve conflicts.

 For those who have a broken marriage or if you are in a marriage that needs help in some way, please don’t rule out getting outside help.

 There are so many broken marriages that could have been or still can be saved. But, a couple should lay aside any pride, shame, or stubbornness that might be prohibiting them from getting help from Godly counselors who can help save their marriage.

“Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.”

Proverbs 13:10 King Solomon, who was so famous for his incredible wisdom, also warns us about the foolishness of not listening to counsel, 

“The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

Proverbs 12:15 Has your marriage problems gone on so long that you see no hope? Did a spouse commit adultery or other sexually immoral actions? Perhaps a pornography addiction? There can be forgiveness and restoration.

 However, in some of these more severe situations, we especially urge you and pray that you will seek a Christian counselor or take actions that give you greater outside help 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

James 1:5

4. Embracing Forgiveness and Reconciliation. 

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christian teaching. Ephesians 4:32 instructs, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” While forgiveness does not necessarily mean that relationships will be restored to their previous state, it is a crucial step in healing and moving forward. Letting go of bitterness and anger can be liberating and can facilitate personal and relational healing.

 Maybe you and your spouse are dealing with issues in a troubled marriage that require just a bit of tweaking and you are nowhere near a divorce.

 On the other hand, you may have a broken marriage that is severe. You might be on the brink of a divorce, or perhaps you have already divorced your spouse.

 Either way, forgiveness must be involved if we are to be obedient to Christ. As Christ forgave us, we should forgive others. That, especially, includes our spouse. That doesn’t mean that they are not responsible for their sin against you.

 It is tough to have the honest and open communication that is needed to heal a marriage without the willingness to forgive.

 There is a verse that I used when I performed the wedding ceremony for both of my daughters. All of the Bible is true, but the truth of this particular passage can save marriages, friendships, and family relationships. It can help us be successful as we associate with other people in a variety of ways.

 This is one of my favorite bible verses:

 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:2 The forgiveness offered by God the Father through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross is paramount to everything in scripture. If you are a Christian, born-again, saved…whatever name you put on the true experience of salvation then you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you.

 Through the power of that Holy Spirit, you can forgive other human beings who sin against you in word or deed.

 Depending on the sin, it can be much harder to forgive in some situations than in others. And remember, that if you choose to forgive someone, that doesn’t excuse the sin or make it less hurtful to you.

5. Building a Supportive Community

The Bible emphasizes the importance of community and mutual support. Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages believers to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” and to “not give up meeting together.” In times of crisis, being part of a supportive church community or having trusted friends can provide emotional support and practical help. Surrounding oneself with a compassionate network can offer encouragement and remind you that you are not alone.

6. Focusing on Personal Growth

Romans 8:28 assures that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Even amidst the turmoil of a broken home, personal growth and spiritual development are possible. Viewing challenges as opportunities for growth can help in finding purpose and meaning in difficult experiences. Embracing this perspective can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and a closer relationship with God.

7. Trusting in God’s Sovereignty

Belief in God’s sovereignty can provide comfort when facing a broken home. Jeremiah 29:11 expresses God’s promise of hope and a future, stating, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Trusting in the belief that God has a purpose for each person’s life, even while suffering, can offer reassurance and a sense of direction 

8. Seeking Professional Help

While spiritual guidance is invaluable, it’s also important to recognize the role of professional support. Proverbs 15:22 notes, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Seeking help from counselors, therapists, or other professionals can provide practical tools and support for managing the complexities of a broken home. Integrating professional advice with spiritual guidance can offer a well-rounded approach to healing and coping.

What is a broken home?

 A broken home is a family in which one parent is absent, usually due to divorce or separation. Various factors, such as addiction, death, poverty, violence, marital problems, or poor family relationships can cause a broken home.

 A broken home, whether due to divorce, separation, conflict, or abandonment, can lead to significant emotional and spiritual challenges for everyone involved, especially children. While acknowledging the pain and difficulties associated with broken homes, the Bible offers guidance, hope, and the promise of restoration.

 Children from broken marriages can face mental health challenges, as they have to cope with the disruption of their family foundation and the instability of their parental figure.

 The Bible recognizes the importance of family as the foundational unit of society. In Genesis 2:24, marriage is established as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman:

 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

God’s design for the family is one of unity, love, and mutual support. However, because of human sin and imperfection, families sometimes experience brokenness. The Bible does not shy away from this reality but instead offers hope and healing.

Let’s look at some of the examples of broken homes in the bible;

1. Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar (Genesis 16-21)

   • Abraham’s family experienced significant turmoil due to the decision to have a child with Hagar, Sarah’s maidservant, leading to the birth of Ishmael. This decision brought strife, jealousy, and division within the family. Eventually, Sarah demanded that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away, creating a broken home for them.

This story illustrates how decisions made out of impatience and lack of trust in God’s timing can lead to family brokenness. It also shows that God cares for those who are cast aside, as He provided for Hagar and Ishmael in the wilderness. When facing brokenness, trust in God’s plan and timing is crucial, and seeking His provision and care is essential.

2. David’s Family (2 Samuel 13-18)

   • King David’s family was marked by serious dysfunction, including incest, murder, and rebellion. The consequences of David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11-12) led to ongoing strife in his household, including the tragic story of his son Absalom’s rebellion against him.

David’s story shows how sin and failure to address family issues can lead to generational brokenness. However, it also demonstrates that God’s grace is available even amid severe family dysfunction. Confession, repentance, and seeking God’s wisdom in dealing with family conflicts are key to finding healing and restoration.

 When God made humanity, He blessed us with the privilege of being His royal and priestly images. God first ordained that we should "be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it" to prepare the earth for the fullness of His glory and eternal praise. God also established the family as the main social unit by which this multi-generational mission would be fulfilled (2:19–24). This is why, in most circumstances when family works well, we move forward in the purposes for which God created us. When it does not, we are severely hindered in our service to Him.

 The rate of broken homes in marriages is becoming alarming as the number of people from broken homes is increasing by the day. The home is meant to be a place filled with joy, happiness, with a lot of guaranteed security and comfort, but it is rather pitiful that the home is neglecting its primary functions, thereby causing lots of psychological challenges in the minds of the people.

 Possible factors of a broken home and how they can be corrected. Lack of time management, the saying goes, “Proper preparation prevents poor performance”, a lot of people find it difficult to mark out a good schedule of their daily activities, thereby neglecting their home at the expense of their work. I can’t imagine homes that care less about their kids just because the pillars (parent) are too busy. Everyone is busy, but the ability to map out a good plan schedule makes a perfect home 

2. Strange partners In. In the home, some partners are very secretive in their attitude and way of life. They smile when you expect them to react to something you know that hurt them. They never share their feelings about any issue with their partners. Some may even go to the extent of over-monitoring the schedule of their partners. This shows the lack of trust and confidence in the home. Learn to overlook some issues and learn to be conversational with one another. “Money is good but interaction will never let a family down”. .

3. Slavery The word “help-mate” in the home is fast losing its meaning as most people are now over-conscious of the meaning of this word. Some spouse sees their partner as slaves, putting all duties, especially the house chores, on them. I see no evil if a man decides to cook dinner for his family. But over-consciousness of being called a fool is affecting the mentality of most people 

4. Over-reaction Humans are not perfect and are bound to make mistakes. Overreaction to these mistakes may sometimes determine the life-span of a home. Some people overreact irrationally to some issues that need to be settled amicably. When the man is angry, what is expected of the wife is to be quiet and vice versa because two mad people cannot build a house.

5. Multi-party peacemaker

Since there is bound to be disagreement in the home, the best thing to do is to settle it amicably in the four corners of the house and not calling on outsiders or members of the extended family because it will not always work out that way. The best way is to settle it between you.

A broken home can be caused by various factors, such as addiction, death, poverty, violence, marital problems, or poor family relationships 

Lord, we commit our discussion tonight to Your able hands. We pray that both the person to talk and all of us, the listeners, will minister to our hearts, give us hearts of flesh, and teach us new things tonight in Jesus' Name.

 Our general topic for tonight's discussion is: Communicating love effectively in courtship - Practical ways to convey love in a Christ-centered relationship.

 There are three key words in this topic.

1. Communication

2. Love

3. Courtship

We will delve into each one to bring all together as we proceed. Before that, we will all agree that effective and meaningful communication, in this Age that is called Information Age, is gradually becoming increasingly a tough nut to crack

Especially as the landscape of courtship (Christian or all others) has undergone significant changes in recent years, part of which are influenced by cultural shifts, technological advancements, and evolving social norms and so-called standards All these changes had led to transformations which had redefined the traditional views of relationships,  which in turn, created and still creating new pathways for finding and nurturing love in courtship. Today, either we agree or not, modern courtship often starts in the digital world; Facebook, WhatsApp, TikTok, Instagram, X, and the likes.

 Even online dating platforms and sites are playing a pivotal role in these transformations. That doesn't say, we don't have brothers and sisters in the same church or denomination, meeting at Conventions or special joint prayer programmes, or from the same assembly, coming together to form solid Christian families. So, most of these e-communications had effectively altered effective communications in courtships. With this, communicating thoughts and love effectively in a Christ-centered courtship is VERY important if the intending couple wants to build a strong and healthy relationship that will stand the test of T.I.M.E!

 What is Communication?

 Communication is the way and means of exchanging information, ideas, patterns of thoughts between two or more persons.

 Communication, according to theoretical definition, is the complete process involving:

1. the sender,

2. the message/information

3. the channel through which the message was sent,

4. the receiver, and

5. the feedback (response or reaction) if the message was understood or not.

 Also, the context in which the message was sent forms a part of the complete communication circle.

Now...

What is LOVE?

 Humanly speaking, love is a complex mix of emotions, feelings, and behaviours which, most times, can be difficult to define due to different ways we exhibit it. Love to a Canadian may be different from that of what a Japanese sees love;...Make I no mention the Nigerian version. 🏃🏻🏃🏻 So, often, more than not, Love is a strong feeling of affection from one person to another, literally. 

Biblically speaking, Love is a DECISION!

 We can see this in Romans 5 vs 8: “But God demonstrates His love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God had decided to love humanity even before the Universe was created. “…He was chosen before the creation of the world…” - 1st Peter 1 vs 20. To we humans, love is an aggregate of emotions and how we feel and act towards another person. To God, as He originally designed it, love is a sacrificial decision. A decision that remains despite the days humans made Him repent in creating us, yet, He loves us enough to still want to redeem us, despite knowing all we would do before we were all created.

 To the last word there, what do we think courtship is?

 Well, because of our time, ...

Courtship involves the process of getting to know an opposite gender, mainly intending to develop a relationship which is potentially leading to marriage. Traditionally, Courtship is that period where intending couples try to know and understand each other better, know each other’s personality, to know their respective potential in-laws, and to what runs in each family. Mind you, it is Courtship, not dating. The Christian courtship is a period where both intending spouses come together to learn about each other:

• strengths,

• weaknesses,

• Christian life,

• prayer life,

• family life,

• family values,

• personal visions and ambitions about life,

• spiritual solidity

• family ties to the past and patterns

• compatibility in all areas (including the very one we always want to “CHRISTIANLY” avoid;...yes, that topic that just popped up in your mind).

It is also a time to lay a solid foundation in Christ and in God to commit the journey into God's Hands with Christ and the Chief Cornerstone. Let's come back to our centre of gravity in this topic for discussion.

 COMMUNICATING LOVE IN A CHRISTIAN-CENTRED COURTSHIP

I won't want to restrict this to communicating love alone, I will prefer to broaden it to Communicating generally in a Christian-centred Courtship. Nobody can communicate Love properly if such a person can't even communicate effectively. Communication can be done via various means, and that's why we have various means of communicating.

 This includes:

• Verbal Communication

• Non-Verbal Communication

• Practical Actions

All these modes of communication reinforce the significance of effective communication in courtship. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and its role in courtship is critical. It's through communication that couples. Establish trust,

2. understand each other's needs,

3. and build a strong foundation for their relationship.

 Effective communication in courtship involves more than just verbal exchanges, it also encompasses non-verbal forms and clues, emotional intelligence, and active listening. Understanding and interpreting these aspects can significantly enhance the depth and quality of a relationship.

 In the context of Christian-centred courtship, communication is not just about expressing affection, talking about spirituality, or praying in tongues, it is also about discussing. Boundaries,

2. expectations,

3. and future plans.

 This openness and honesty from the start lay the groundwork for a strong, lasting relationship and a marriage that can stand several tests. Truth be told, communicating effectively can be challenging, make we no lie. Differences in communication styles, means and ways, fear of being vulnerable, and past experiences can hinder open dialogue. Overcoming these barriers requires lots of patience, empathy, and a willingness to learn and grow together. Ultimately, the significance of communication in a Christian-centred courtship cannot be overlooked nor overemphasized. Before any relationship will die, communication is the first casualty, and for any relationship to succeed, open and honest communication is the key to survival. Like we said earlier, the modes of communication in courtship, especially in a Christian-centred courtship must include:

1. Verbal Communication involves the use of words to say things as it is, and also the way of saying tough things in a good way, in which the spouse being talked to won’t feel attacked. We can use verbal communications in 

• to openly and clearly communicate our emotion and thoughts, and desires in a respectful and considerate manner. Thank God for this means of communication, but it is rather tough to see some of our Christian brothers and sisters believing their spouse should be able to decipher what goes on in their minds. There is just One Omniscient Who knows all things and Who can hear the unspoken words, and surely it is not humans. Learn to communicate your feelings clearly and fully so the devil does not have a foothold in the courtship.

• We can use it to regularly express appreciation and gratitude for our partners, highlighting their strengths and qualities, while also trying to encourage them to get better. We can use verbal communications to incorporate loving words and phrases into our discussions, such as "I love you," "You mean everything to me," or "I'm so grateful for you."

2. Nonverbal communication, such as physical touch (in the Christian way), eye contact, and body language, are powerful tools in conveying emotions and building closeness. These subtle means often speak louder than words in expressing affection and understanding. Non-Verbal Communication includes:

• Show affection through gentle gestures like holding hands, Christian hugs, and Christian cuddles.

• Spending quality time together, engaging in activities you both enjoy, expecting that your views and life compass are pointing towards the same direction, and prioritizing undivided attention. (not to be on the phone chatting with someone miles away or checking football results when your spouse is with you. You are communicating the wrong things non-verbally)

• Surprise your partner with small gifts, acts of service, or other thoughtful expressions of love.

• Learn to read your spouse’s eyes and facial expressions as this is another form of non-verbal communication

Lastly, the Practical Actions in communicating. 

1. Look for opportunities to serve and support each other, demonstrating love through selfless acts. This shows you have the person in mind and it endears both of you further to each other.

2. Take genuine interest in your partner's passions, hobbies, and goals, and offer encouragement and support. WALK THE TALK. Don't pay lip service to your spouse's plans, dreams, and ambitions.

3. Mark important dates, like birthdays and anniversaries, with thoughtful celebrations and gestures. (Ladies can forget anything you did in the last, but if you forget their birthday, the Lord is your Witness if you say I Love You.)

As we are communicating to make our physical beings bond together, we should also communicate in the spiritual sense. And this includes:

1. Regularly praying together, seeking guidance, wisdom, and strength in our relationship.

2. Explore biblical teachings on love, relationships, and marriage, applying these principles to your courtship.

3. We should seek after godly and experienced persons and surround ourselves with wise, Christ-minded mentors who can offer guidance and support in all ramifications.

 If we can establish these ways of communication, we will discover that:

• conflict resolutions will be easier as we will be able to address issues biblically, prioritizing love, respect, and understanding.

• Listening attentively to each other will come very easy.

• when we say “I love you”, it will go beyond the words as it will carry more meaningful weight.

• and loving the person and conveying our intentions of love will become a lot easier to do.

I pray that the understanding and mind to communicate effectively and the grace to trust our partners enough to be able to fully open up to each other, which will help us to bond and love ourselves as we should, God will grant unto us all AS we also desire to do that.

Our Topic is" The heart behind Gift giving (Understanding the role of gifts as expressions of care and appreciation)." I pray God helps me out in this teaching and equally helps us get the best from this topic today, in Jesus' name. Amen. I know giving gifts must be prompted from the heart ❤️, like before anyone decides to give anything, he or she must have pondered over it in the heart. Prov 23:7a For as he thinketh in his heart so is he. Hope we know that there are different states of heart that prompt Gift giving. Yes, of course, of which it could range from good, bad, etc., states of heart because some persons have received gifts that were not an expression of care and appreciation, and the story didn't end well.

 Personally, during my teenage years, I fear to accept gifts, especially from the opposite sex 😂😂😂. I remember vividly when I was in secondary school if any of my class boy or male colleagues gave me anything, I struggled to collect, and if at all I accepted, eventually I would write it down In a book of records 😁. So that in case of tomorrow, any of the guys says," Please be my girlfriend." I will just check the book, monetize all the gifts I received from them, and pay. I can recall turning down the gifts of my husband before we got married 😂😂, not until I got to hear from God what he has come to do in my life. Because even in the church we had fears for brothers them, cos we know watin' we dey see for church na 😂, even food flasks ministry then in campus some sisters do carry out for brothers, not in sincerity 👀👀👀 And that's why as singles, we should be very careful of gifts we receive, make we no accept the one wey go hook us for our throat.

 If we read carefully, you will notice when I began the teaching, I gave us the picture of giving prompts from different states of heart. For example, a man who's not your fiance/husband will be gifting you pants and a bra, and you will gladly collect them and say," Oh my gosh, I can't believe this" 💃💃💃🫂🫂🫂...hmmm Personally for me I nor go collect am on as single lady cos that kind gift too dey sensitive for my sight.And if care is not taken the person who gave you that kind of gift to use his hands take remove am from your body one day...I believe you know what I mean by that. For our ladies, as February 14th dey reach, let's be very careful cos na we Sabi collect gifts pass..

Let's not accept the ones that will blind our eyes, yes!!! some gifts are given to effect such. Especially the ones that don't come from a sound state of heart. For example, a man gifting a lady panties and bras, and guess what they are all her perfect size 👀👀👀👀👀. Hmmm, if we screen in sincerity, that man must don see, touch, and possibly possess everything. I am going to talk about a few characteristics of gifts given from a sound heart: Cheerfulness 2 Cor 9:7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give not grudgingly or of necessity for God loveth a cheerful giver. Hope we do know that not all gift-giving is a result of care and appreciation but usually out of pretense, retaliation, and evil agenda. So if we must give gifts to receive God's blessings and that of nature, the heart behind our giving we must weigh.

2:: We shouldn't give cunningly. Just like the story of Isaac and his two sons, Jacob and Esau, we saw how Jacob cunningly gave his Father venison. He did that because his heart wasn't sound as of then, and he hadn't met with the God of his Fathers, Abraham. We saw how he lived in fear and on the run from his brother Esau for years, but when his heart became sound, he had to repeat that venison gift, not to Isaac, his father, but to Esau, his brother.

3: Giving the gift without expectation, especially to humans. Some people gift people based on the basis of them getting bigger returns from them. Some people give only to the rich and shun the poor because their giving is not from a sound heart. 2 Cor 9:7 already explains how to go about giving and gifting inclusive .

By God's grace, we look at some persons in the scriptures of truth who understood the role of gift-giving as an expression of care and appreciation.

1: The three wise men from the east, on hearing the birth of Jesus Christ and reading his stars, went with Gold, frankincense, and myrrh to present baby Jesus. They were like," Thank God for a great child that's born to us, and possibly he might be king someday to correct the evil in the land." And so they went with a sound heart and possibly worshiped the child that day. But did we, king of Herod, also hear of the great of the messiah and pretentiously wanted to do like the three wise men? And again, he feared In his heart as the prophets of old prophecied Jesus Christ to be a king that his kingdom was at stake. But Guess what? God overthrew him cos his heart wasn't sound: Jacob gifting Joseph the coat of many colors was prompted out of love, great care, and carefulness towards Joseph, maybe seeing how his mother Racheal tarried years before birthing him and his younger brother Benjamin... In addition, Joseph was a goodly and godly child different from other of his children.

3: we know of the story of the shunamite woman and prophet Elisha in the books of 2kings chapter 4. The woman took it upon herself to always gift Elisha bread anytime he passed her area. She did that continually and consistently from a sound heart and decided to take her welfare act for the prophet to a higher level. 2 Kings 4:12-13, And he said to Gehazi his servant call this shunamite.And when he had called her, she stood before him.13, And he said unto him say now unto her behold thou has been careful for us with all this care; what is to be done for thee? Would thou be spoken for to the king or the captain of the host? And she answered I dwell among my people. Elisha was a prophet indeed and perceived by the spirit of a prophet all the deeds of this woman. Of which they were prompted out of a sound heart of care and love.We all know the end of the story, and of course, she got the prophet's reward. But do we know that there are some women or sisters that will be doing similar things to a servant of God, just like the shunamite woman, but with the mind of luring the minister to sin? Or even wanting the minister to marry them 😁😁😁. How some sisters love pastors sha 🤗🤗🤗😂 Permit me to digress from this topic a little 🙏🏻 Now, in all your giftings, don't neglect genuine ministers of God cos there are sure blessings from God when you gift a servant of God, especially with a sound heart. If you are the type here that concludes within yourself that pastors eat tithe and offerings in church, and so you lock your hearts towards them, do have a change of heart this year, and you will see some of the deliverances and freedom you are looking for will come.

4: we all know very well the story of Naaman, the captain of Syria. Do we know the reason Elisha turned down the gifts of Naaman after healing him? Okay, personally, for me, I feel Elisha saw Naaman's gifts in exchange for the miracle he received, and perhaps when he returns to Syria, he will begin to broadcast he paid the Prophet 2 million to get healed of his leprosy. Perhaps many will begin to drop in with their leprosy and go far and wide to look for their own 2 million to give the prophet, and of course, if care is not taken, the ministry of Elisha will be faulted or even collapse. Secondly, Naaman was a proud man 2 Kings 5 verse 11-12 tells us so, and of course, he must be a heathen, and Elisha didn't want a polluted offer. And that was why when Gehazi went behind to collect the gifts, he received leprosy for himself and his generation. With the above story, we will get to know that it's not all gifts we should receive, especially when we perceive by the help of the Holy Spirit any unsoundness attached to it. Ministers of God should also be careful of the gifts they receive before they accept the one that will make them compromisers and even shatter their calling.

I will end with this scripture below 👇👇👇

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of light with whom is no variableness neither Shadow of turning. In all desires towards receiving gifts, please desire God's gift( Christ Jesus). All the gifts you will receive here on earth are temporal, but the gift of Christ Jesus is Eternal. Receive him today and Live!!

May God bless his words in our hearts in Jesus' name. Amen

Welcome to the second month of 2025. February will be great for us. 

The ultimate proof of love is giving. Giving can come in different forms but, sadly, it has been limited to cash only. John 3:16 shows us clearly what our Father did because He loved the world he created, we will be looking at Demonstrating love through thoughtful actions and support. 

One fundamental thing we need in this world is the true expression of sincere and genuine love. I tell people close to me that besides the supernatural we display as a body, the world needs to experience sincere and genuine love.

 Let's look at the biblical foundational key to love:

 Galatians 5:22-23 says: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things, there is no law."

The first foundation of love is that it is a fruit and the characteristics of a fruit is that everyone loves it. If love is not the basis for what you are doing, quit doing it.

 The second foundation is: 

Mark 12:31 says: "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

We know the popular saying that you can't give what you don't have. Our FCT minister in Nigeria has a statement he makes in Port Harcourt. He says if e didn't dey, e didn't dey 😃

If you don't love yourself, you can't give love. Love yourself so you can love others. 

Thirdly on this, Christ our Saviour you read the story of Lazarus, we saw that He was moved with compassion. 

Let's look at practical ways of demonstrating love:

1. Proverbs 18:13 says: "He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame." Be a good listener and don't jump to conclusions. Learn to pay rapt attention so you can make informed judgments.

2. Show gratitude and appreciation: when someone does a little thing, learn to be grateful so you don't become a great fool.

3. Offer a helping hand: don't be an observer when you should be offering assistance. Some people just want to observe and criticize. It shouldn't be so with us.

4. Finally, be supportive: support financially, emotionally, and otherwise

Tonight's teaching is for married and singles. The married should learn to help and support their spouse while the singles should watch out for this red flag and if not treated, it will become a billboard in marriage

My name is Aiyelero-Taiwo Ayobami, and by God's Grace, we'll be discussing the 'Word of affirmation'—speaking life into your partner. John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

 What is a word? Or better still, who is the word?... According to the dictionary, we can establish that a word is a basic element of language that carries a meaning... But scripture tells us that the word exists from the beginning and God Himself is the word.

 Proverbs 18:21 Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

 If you must say anything to your partner, think it through. Whatever you speak is either life or death!

 Words are seeds, when they are spoken, they get watered under favorable conditions and bring forth fruits... And the speaker is a partaker of the fruits thereof

Words of affirmation should communicate our love, appreciation, and respect for the other person. They are positive phrases used to uplift another... It is one of the love languages edging out quality time and the act of seeing.

 Types of affirmations

1. Verbal affirmations 

You can verbally communicate your feelings to your partner... ' I'm grateful for the gift of you in my life... ' Express gratitude for even the little help you get....truth be told, we take certain things for granted when it comes to our partners🤔😔

2. Written affirmations 

You can leave notes in the mirror or on the fridge... Somewhere they can easily see it...You can send sweet text messages... Email

3. Public affirmations 

• Praise your partner in front of friends and family.

• Give him/her public recognition 

• Celebrate milestones together 

• Share accomplishments

4. Creative affirmations 

• Plan a surprise celebration 

• Design a personalised photo/album

• Make a heartfelt video

What are the benefits of affirming positive words?

 1. It strengthens and encourages open communication 

2. It enhances emotional stability/intimacy 

3. It boosts your self-esteem. 

4. It makes you feel valued and appreciated 

Time won't permit us to begin to take them one after the other... The list is endless you know you can underdo it or overdo it?

 In biology, we were made to understand that there are effects of under-secretion and over-secretions of hormones. For example, under secretion of adrenaline can lead to low blood pressure... While over-secretion can cause anxiety or high blood pressure.

Back to our discussion 

Negative impacts of under-effect or over-effect of 'word of affirmation'

1. If words of affirmation are manipulative, they can damage trust and create resentment. Let me explain. If the only time/reason why you use positive words for your partner is when you need something from them, you are manipulative! And when they discover that you never valued them, they lose their trust in you.

2. It can be suffocating to some individuals. Don't overdo it. Study your partner.

3. When you need to sincerely address an issue, do it sincerely. Words of affirmation aren't the only language of love

How then can effectively use it and get the desired result 👇🏼

1. Be sincere... Don't exaggerate. 

2. Let it be timely...Say it at the right and needed time... There's time for everything 

3. Don't overdo it. 

4. Be specific. 

5. Be an active listener.

6. Back it up with other love languages.

Words are powerful tools for God and the devil... Use it to your advantage! Faith is the substance of things hoped for... you can call forth what you desire in your spouse by sowing the right words... Sincerely, you can call forth anything.... I know of a brother who was not comfortable with the size of his wife's breast, and he was sincere enough to tell God about it... And anytime, he's with his wife, he keeps saying, God of abundance, add flesh to this and this part of my wife🤣🤣... Sincerely, as funny as it may sound he got his confession. 

You keep saying negative things about your partner, that's what you'd get! Watch it.

 When you speak positive words..... You speak life. You speak God Himself... and the word was God. Common... Sow good words to your partner/future partner now...Time starts now.

• My spouse will do well.

• My spouse will love God. 

• My spouse will not work in error. 

Aside from this, learn to appreciate your spouse daily ..... Noted that what you have and you don't appreciate is another person's prayer point Be grateful 🤗🙏🏼

Thanks for the opportunity 🤗. I await your results as you apply these lessons

My name is Aiyelero-Taiwo Ayobami, and by God's Grace, I'd be sharing some tips with us about the Power of Quality time 

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

Companionship gives strength because it offers help spending time with your spouse is not about the long hours spent together but the quality of the time spent. Remember, time is short, it waits for no man. Do not wait until you have all the time in the world before you 

1. Say those soothing words 

2. Share that thought 

3. Be yourself around your partner

 What is power? It is the capacity to do something or get something done!... Do you agree? Power has a significant effect on a thing or someone. Humans are emotional beings that love attention and want to feel loved 4:9 Two [are] better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.

 Benefits of Quality Time

1. It gives room for transparency you spend time together, you share thoughts and even events of the day. Anything you have heard or heard from your spouse first, getting the information from another source won't be a surprise... You have a foreknowledge of it📝

2. It relieves stress sharing your thoughts with your spouse helps you to shed off some stress that may lead to depression

3. It improves mental health. It is when you intentionally create time for one another that you can lay off some things from your chest. 

You see some spouse with some negative energy and you wonder what's going on.... a lot of things in the world now that can tamper with your mental health. Don't bottle it in... 🗣️ to your spouse... If you can't handle some pressure around you, speak up. Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

4. It strengthens bonds. Don't stop being a friend to your spouse. Building bonds requires time and energy. You have to be intentional about it.

 Set aside alone times

5. It helps find contentment in daily life and a sense of belonging

Dangers of not spending time together

1. It can lead to a breakdown in communication

2. Opinions can be miscommunicated

3. There'll be conflict. You argue and disagree on a lot of things because you didn't get time to discuss it

You can take a walk together, and chat as you walk side by side... Same way, you chat with family and friends. Your spouse is important as well... Don't leave them out of the communication line and only enter their DM for family needs... It makes them feel used and wanted. Check up on them, and do a video call. You don't have to feel, oh! We left the house together this morning now and we'd see later at home. It strengthens the bond!...

4. It creates feelings of isolation and loneliness. Someone can be in the midst of a crowd and still feel lonely. You wonder why people are depressed even though they have families, friends, colleagues, spouses, children..... There was no time to bond and share thoughts, they kept it all in until they couldn't handle it again. Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel [is], the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors [there is] safety.

5. It weakens the connection. Keep the fire burning! Don't stop courting your spouse. The intimate chats, prayer time, and listening time shared before marriage should not stop!  You know why, we are wired as a social being, if he/she can't get a good bonding time with you, they'll get it with something or someone else. When you share time, don't just listen, 👂, be involved, and give responses. Don't break the communication by picking up a call that comes in at that moment, except it is extremely important! And let your spouse see the reasons why you have to take the call so they don't feel ignored or unimportant

Mark 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

• Not your job

• Not your children 

• Not your phone 

• Not your friends not even your service to God!

1 Corinthians 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please [his] wife.

 Many of us are relevant and attentive to the needs of colleagues, family, friends, and brethren but ignorant of the secret pain of our spouse!  You wait until someone tells you your spouse looks sick, stressed, or tired.... No na.

You let them leave the house with a faded outfit and someone else is the one calling their attention to it at work or wherever!

 The truth is a lot of 'I have time for you' individuals are out there... That leads men/women to perdition.... Don't give them a room. You shouldn't feel more relaxed in another person's company than your spouse. Luke 6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. Many of us spend more time out than at home or with our spouses... How then can you bond?

 Response: Out of sight is not out of mind

1. Texting 

2. Sexting for married

3. Call

4. Reassurance during communication 

5. Creating date nights to enjoy companionship

Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart [is] in the hand of the LORD, [as] the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.

 Pray for your spouse. Sincerely, no aspect of your relationship is carnal to discuss with your maker... Sincerely. He originated companionship and instituted marriage.

 Quick action a short message for your spouse appreciating him/her and how important they are in your life... You have 3mins

As I conclude, you cannot give what you do not have. If you are raised with bitterness and hate, giving love and intimacy will be challenging. Allow God to heal your heart... Let his love fill you to overflow...

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” – Romans 12:10 (NLT)

At some point in life, many of us have questioned or doubted whether love is real or just a myth. Heartbreak is no joke—it affects every part of your being. Love is complex, and so are relationships and marriage. It’s not black and white, and most of us, if not all, struggle with the grey areas—those parts we can’t control. Loving becomes even harder when you truly understand the cost. Love is often a blend of sweetness, bitterness, and, at times, sourness. 

Love is the foundation of every meaningful relationship, but expressing it effectively can sometimes feel challenging. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages offers us a framework to understand how to give and receive love in ways that truly resonate. 

Today, we’ll explore how understanding love languages strengthens communication and connection, incorporating Biblical insights and real-life examples.

What Are Love Languages? 

The Five Love Languages according to Gary Chapman are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Each language represents a unique way individuals feel and express love.

1. Words of Affirmation: “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” – Proverbs 16:24 (NLT) Couples constantly uplifting each other with words of appreciation can strengthen their bond and bring joy to their relationship. For example, a husband telling his wife how much he values her efforts can make her feel cherished and deepen their connection. Everyone want to feel seen. So because you said your partner was pretty in the morning or hardworking does not mean you should not say it as many times as you can during the day,

2. Acts of Service: “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” – 1 John 3:18 (NLT) Love is Action. Helping your partner in the areas where they truly need support, rather than what you assume they want, is a meaningful and tangible way to express love. Don't Just say I love You, show your partner you love them. 

3. Receiving Gifts: John 3:16 (NLT): “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” In a marital relationship, Receiving Gifts as a love language means feeling deeply loved and valued through thoughtful, meaningful gestures that symbolise care and affection.. If someone who is not special to you gives you a gift, you feel so special. Imagine if your partner gives you a gift; it means the world.

4. Quality Time: “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” – Matthew 6:21 (NLT) my favorite scripture. Spending uninterrupted time together, even over a simple meal, builds emotional intimacy. When was the last time you went on a date? When last have you really had an intimate time with your partner? I am not talking about sexual act.

5. Physical Touch: A warm hug or holding hands can communicate love more deeply than words. 1 Corinthians 7:3 (NLT): “The husband should fulfil his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfil her husband’s needs.”

The Impact of Love Languages on Communication and Connection 

1. Enhances Communication: Most of the issues couples have in a relationship or marriage can be linked to communication. Understanding your partner’s love language reduces misunderstandings. A husband working long hours may think he’s showing love by providing financially (Acts of Service), but his wife may feel unloved because her primary love language is Quality Time. Communication about every tiny details of his day may save them both from quarrelling.

2. Builds Emotional Vulnerability: Brené Brown teaches that vulnerability is the key to connection. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o When you express love in a way that makes your partner feel valued, you create a safe space for openness.

3. Strengthens Connection: Aligning with your partner’s love language creates a stronger emotional bond. A couple sharing quiet moments during evening prayers can reinforce spiritual and emotional intimacy. Like they say- a family that prays together, stays together.

4. Reduces Conflict: Misunderstandings arise when love is expressed in ways that aren’t meaningful to the other person. A wife who values Receiving Gifts may feel hurt when her birthday is overlooked, even if her husband does other acts of kindness.

Applying Love Languages in Your Relationship 

1. Discover Each Other’s Love Languages: Use tools like Love Language Quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language  and  have honest conversations.

2. Be Intentional About Meeting Needs: Love requires action and intention. For example - In a long-distance relationship, scheduling daily video calls (Quality Time) can help bridge the gap.

3. Practice Patience and Grace: Not everyone communicates love the same way. Be patient as you learn to meet each other’s needs. “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” – Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)

4. Incorporate Prayer: Pray for wisdom to understand and love each other better. Prayer is key o -  “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.” – James 1:5 (NLT)

Love languages are tools to build healthier, God-honouring relationships. When you take the time to understand and express love in ways that matter to your partner, you reflect Christ’s sacrificial and intentional love for us. “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” – Colossians 3:14 (NLT)

This week, identify and practice your love language, keeping in mind that love is not self-seeking but seeks the good of others.

Shortly, ask God for wisdom, patience, and the grace to love others as Christ loves us. Prayer in Jesus Name