June 29, 2026

Facilitator: Precious Deji-Omolere

Topic: Understanding Gender-Based Reasoning Patterns.

Father, we thank you for another opportunity to learn one or two. 

We pray that in all we do, You will be glorified.

First of all, I’ll like to emphasise that no gender is specifically bad and no gender is specifically good. 

Only God is good. No gender is wiser and no gender is more foolish.

When the Scripture says the heart of a man is desperately wicked, He meant all human being [alike] are bad and sinful.

But how we reason may differ, gender or not. But to save ourselves some unnecessary friction, it may be nice to see dominant reasoning pattern of both genders or people in general. Level of reasoning has nothing to do with who is foolish or who is wise, its more of what a person may consider offensive or otherwise, and how to manage ourselves with understanding .

Because understanding is one of the greatest expressions of love.

One of the biggest reasons people get frustrated in relationships is not because the other person is wicked.

Sometimes...

They are simply different.

And different is not the same as wrong.

Let that sink in.

One of the mistakes our generation makes is assuming that because someone doesn't think the way I think, they must not be thinking well.

No.

Sometimes they are thinking very well. Just from a different angle.

Imagine giving five people the same Bible passage. You will get five observations.

Now imagine giving a man and a woman the same situation. You may also get two different conclusions and none of the conclusions is foolish. People process information differently.

Now before we continue, let me say something very important.

When we say "men usually..." or "women usually..." The keyword is usually. Not always.

Human beings are individuals. We have differing Personality, culture, Upbringing, experiences and temperaments.

So today we're only discussing patterns and tendencies, not permanent rules.

A lady says, "You didn't call me today."

The man responds,

“But we spoke yesterday." 

She's thinking, "I'm talking about consistency."

He's thinking, "I'm talking about frequency."

Both of them are talking.

But they are not talking about the same thing.

So, how do you think they will cope ? 

We will get to that 

Let’s consider another pattern

Many men tend to communicate with fewer words.

Many women tend to communicate with more details.

Again...Many. Not all.

A man can say, "The meeting was fine." End of discussion. 

The lady is wondering, "Fine how? Who was there? What happened? Did you eat? Was the presentation successful? How did everybody react?"

Meanwhile, the man is wondering, "I already answered the question."

Both of them are sincere. 

They are just speaking different communication languages.

So how will these two people cope with the patterns I’ve mentioned? 

If you know the person you're talking to appreciates details… Try to give a little more.

And if you know the person naturally summarizes… Don't immediately assume they are hiding something.

Ask follow-up questions.

Now let's look at another one.

How people approach decisions.

Some people naturally process internally.

They become quiet and think. They weigh options. Then they speak.

Others process by talking. As they are talking, they are also thinking.

A person may be like: 

"I'm not sure...

Well maybe...

Actually wait...

No...

You know what..."

And after ten minutes they finally arrive at their conclusion.

They were literally thinking out loud.

Now imagine someone who thinks quietly married to someone who thinks out loud.

One is wondering, "Can you just think first before talking?" 

The other is wondering, "If I don't talk, how will I think?" 

😭Nobody is wrong. They simply process differently.

Now let’s look at another one that causes plenty of misunderstanding.

Feedback

Some people hear correction and immediately start improving. Others hear correction and start processing emotion.

For example...

You tell someone, "I think you could have handled that conversation better." 

One person hears, "Thank you. I'll work on it." 

Another person hears, "So... you're saying I'm a terrible person?"

You didn't say that. But that's what they heard.

This is why James tells us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Sometimes what people hear isn't exactly what we said. 

And sometimes what we said isn't exactly what they heard.

This is why James tells us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Sometimes what people hear isn't exactly what we said. 

And sometimes what we said isn't exactly what they heard.

Have you ever sent a text message that was completely innocent...

And the other person replied,

"So that's how you feel about me?"

You're reading the chat again wondering, "Where did they find this interpretation?"

Welcome to human communication.

Tone doesn't always travel through text. That's why sometimes a phone call can solve what twenty WhatsApp messages cannot.

Now here's another one.

Conflict.

Some people want to resolve conflict immediately. "Let's talk now."

Others need time. "Please give me a little space."

Now imagine those two people.

The first person interprets space as rejection. The second person interprets pressure as suffocation. 

It’s a good thing to ask your partner how they process conflict

We judge ourselves by our intentions…But we judge others by their actions.

Think about it.

When we offend someone, we say, "That's not what I meant."

But when someone offends us, we say, "I know exactly what they meant.”

Can you see the irony?

We want people to understand our intentions. 

But we don't always extend the same grace to others.

Maybe we should start giving people the same benefit of the doubt we hope to receive.

Now, let me say something that applies whether you're single, courting, married, friends, siblings, or even colleagues.

You don't have to understand everything about someone to respect them.

Respect should not depend on complete understanding.

There are things about people you may never fully understand. And that's okay.

The next time someone says something that doesn't make sense to you...

Will your first response be to judge them...

Or to understand them?

Because many times...

Peace doesn't start when people start thinking the same way. Peace starts when people become willing to understand that not everybody thinks the same way.